Olympics Get The Royal Nod

Her Majesty has officially opened the games of the 30th Olympiad, and she could not have looked as though she cared less about the entire shebang. Given a close up when the team representing Great Britain entered the stadium she gave nothing more than a cursory glance towards them, she was too distracted by whatever was lodged underneath her fingernails. What did IOC President Rogge wipe on her when they shook hands?

In fairness the 86year old monarch has sat through many seemingly endless parades this year, albeit that many were in her honour, and the parade of athletes does go on a bit. It would not have been out of place (though somewhat out of character) if she had pulled similar faces to Rowan Atkinson during the rendition of Chariots of Fire. If that was the reaction she gave to Team GB what reception was given to all of the other 204 countries competing in London? Where many spectators were left wondering if the IOC were just making up some of the countries, I suspect Prince Phillip spent much of the parade whispering to his Mrs "Is that one of ours?"

Her disinterest was further evident when it was time for her to utter the scripted and brief official opening. She more muttered than uttered the few words and was already turning towards her seat before the final syllable had moved from the tip of her tongue past her bottom lip.

Highlights of the ceremony include Rowan Atkinson, the Queens acting debut - playing herself, the forging of the Olympic rings and the flame, both the lighting of it and the cauldron itself. These highlighted perfectly Britain's irreverent honour and industrial ingenuity.

Watching scenery appear out of the ground and then disappear later from whence they came left a sense of wonder and no question about director Danny Boyle's creative talent.

As with all creative talent, their ideas will be viewed as brilliant and inspired by some, and leave others bemused and confused. Boyle achieved both in the one event. Live animals that were herded into the stadium and handled in the dark by countless volunteers were led out of the arena only moments after the ceremony commenced only to be replaced by rap dancing men in top hats showing off their massive erections to the world. Knowing the the Britts has a repressed sexual appetite it seemed fitting that the industrial revolutionists needed mechanical assistance to get their towers to grow skywards. The tribute to British music and its associated dance styles was fantastic, the story of young love crow-barred into the sequence to create some time of relevance, was...well...awkward. It needed detailed description by the commentators for television viewers to even know that a story was even being told. Other than that it provided excellent product placement for official partner Samsung as the two lovers texted each other.  It also provided two young Britons with that opportunity to pash on the world's biggest stage. And pash the did. If it got any more heated it would have needed one of the NHS beds.

Whilst on the topic of NHS, yes health care is very important and the concept may have started in England, but their service is far from perfect and isn't the service facing massive funding cuts? The inclusion of government initiatives in an international sporting event is unusual. If only the games were being held in Australia again we could include a segment on GST, carbon tax and gun buy-backs. Beijing really missed an opportunity when they hosted the Games in 2008. Lets face it the Chinese government has a wide range of unique systems for their people.

A tribute to those "who could not be with us in the stadium" with the song Abide In Me was an unusual choice. Morbid. It has been interpreted as a possible memorial to those people who lost their lives in the 7/7 bombings in london, the day after it was announced that London won the 2012 Games. If so, whilst moving, it is very political for a supposedly politics free event. If not I am glad that they only showed approximately 50 people's faces, it would be a long event if they showed the face of every human being  on the planet who had died since the last Olympic Games. The Queen may have moved on to picking her toe nails if it lasted that long.

The doves on bicycles were so much more classy than Australia's kangaroos on bikes during the closing ceremony in Atlanta.

Proving his immense musical talent Sir Paul McCartney sang backups for his own lead vocals in the opening verse of Hey Jude. 

How did organisers choose which musical talent get to perform during the ceremony, from a music industry that boasts the like of Cliff Richard, Elton John, Spice Girls and One Direction.

Talking about obvious omissions from the potted history of Great Britain; Beefeaters, their battles conquering and then relinquishing countries from their Empire, convict deportations, royal decapitations, warm beer and bad dentistry.

Most surprising was the absence of any of the pomp and ceremony from the ceremony. In many aspects it was almost an organised shambles.

The greatest  is of course the uniforms of athletes as they enter the stadium, islanders in their grass skirts/warrior garb, the headwear of the middle east and eastern Europe and the overly designed uniforms of richer nations. Standouts are the rubber boots and umbrellas of the Czech Republic, Germany's blue-for-boys-pink-for-girls blazers and Sweden who were wearing off-the-rack rugby tops from Gap.

If only Prince Philip whispered racist remarks into Her Majesty's royal ear about the nations costumes, then maybe she would have paid attention. And smiled.

Higher Faster Stronger

The Olympics are upon us all again and the world’s elite athletes compete for trinkets, fame and fortune. “Faster Higher Stronger” is the motto of the game. For the Latin linguists it is “Citius, Altius, Fortius”. Can this motto be applied to all of the sports.

I have a problem with any sport in which there is an artistic judging element; synchronized swimming, rhythmic gymnastics and diving for example. It is beyond question that they take great skill and strength. However they also get judged on form. How pointy were the toes, Interpretation of music, smiles.

The Olympic motto is not “Faster Higher Stronger Prettier.

Remove all of the subjective judging.

Diving, get Jamie and Adam from Mythbusters  to set up a rig with measuring intervals and a time lapse camera to measure exactly who had the smallest splash.

Synchronised swimming for example there could be basic elements that can be objectively measured; which country hold their breath for the longest, which country lifts one of their team the highest out of the water.

Rhythmic gymnastics twirl a ribbon, throw a ball all very good. Hard to measure. Set up structures like show jumping in equestrian. Throw the ball up roll under the hurdle before catching it. Loose a point for every bar you knock down from the hurdle. Have combinations, over one hurdle, under another, have a water jump. Each of them could be designed to look like major tourist attractions from the host country. For the ribbon, the highest twirl, use a decibel meter to measure the loudest crack when it is moved like a stock whip.

If it is a requirement of the sport to wear make up, it is sport or art. Either is fine but the Olympics are about sport not art (except for the opening and closing ceremonies).

If we are serious about combining sport and art then medals should be awarded for countries that use the most condoms. The standard order of condoms for the Olympic Athletes Villages is 100,00. Definitely works up a sweat and some positions are definitely creative. There would be no shortage of competitors or judges! Not sure anyone wants to have the record for the “Faster” part of the motto.

Admittedly some athletes, particularly those competing in track events, seem confused about the artistic elements of their chosen sport. A sprint is about being the fastest yet heavy gold jewelry large earrings, gold shoes and exotic hairstyles – al things that have the potential to slow you down, adorn may competitors before, during and after competition.

This is a side effect of sport – money. Being flashy gets you noticed, identifies a “personality” and makes you potentially more desirable for sponsorship. Being the best is not important, being marketable is. Just look at Anna Kournikova, never won a tennis tournament and yet was the most marketable player on the circuit in her day. Because she was prettier.

Luck also has a lot to do with, winter Olympics’ Steve Bradbury is an obvious example. Too obvious. Australian swimmers have a proud and successful record in Olympic Games, but not all of our aquatic medalists have enjoyed the riches of milk, museli bars or cereal endorsements or hosting a notional television weight loss programs.

In the marketing world having a point of difference is important , hence the jewellery, tattoos and hair dos of the track athletes. South Africa’s Oscar Pistorius is a shoe in (pun intended). Known as the Blade Runner he has artificial lower legs and has qualifies for both the Olympic and Paralympic London Games. It is not often that a person born without fibula resulting in the amputation of htheir lower can be seen as lucky. In the world of sponsorship and marketing, his missing limbs, and athletic ability are gold.

Olympics,

Faster Higher Stronger,

Prettier Luckier Richer.

Film Review: The Door

The Door

…Should be slammed closed and secured as tightly as  it is portrayed in the film during the fumigation scene Helen Mirren portrayal of a 1960’s Hungarian house maid is excellent in a story that unfortunately travels even less than her character.

I was surprised Helen Mirren was in this movie, as I did not know that she could speak Hungarian. She can’t! There was a hint of accent much like the portrayal of German soldiers in most WWII television and movie depictions.

A wealthy writer and her husband employ the maid to cook and clean for them. The house mistress form a strong but clumsy friendship as they navigate the challenges of deeply caring for each other whilst maintaining their professional hierarchy.

The end.

For 98 minutes I waited for something of interest, something exciting to happen. Like Vladamir and Estragon, I am unfortunately left waiting.

This flat narrative carries the themes of love, trust and honour. With such a thin story line these themes are very close to the surface and are therefore require very little interpretation by the viewer.

A point of interest is whether or not Helen Mirren is wearing make up. If she is then it is exceptional partly because it is questioned if the make up exists and partly because it depicts the face of a hardworking ageing woman. If not then although it can be said that she is ageing gracefully, she is definitely ageing.

The stoic and stubborn nature of her character than is unafraid of speaking her mind does give some hope to the viewer only that her turn of phrase is scathing and humourous at the same time.

This still was not enough to keep all of the punters in the cinema awake for the duration of the film. Helen Mirren has again demonstrated her immense acting ability but a quality film needs more than one good performance.

The highlight was the butterscotch choc-top ice cream. Unfortunately this was all but eaten before the adverts and trailers had ended.

Brazil v Argentina - second half

Into the second half of a tight but high scoring game, we would expect nothing less from these South American powerhouses.




Neither country provided hot showers on a consistent basis, on too many occasions room temperature was to be considered “hot”. Toilets however are a different matter, while both countries offered toilets there was a big disparity between them. Brazil offered toilets that ranged from a hole in the ground/squat style to bidets. Unfortunately for Brazil their sewage system can only cope with organic waste meaning used toilet paper is to be placed in a (usually lidless) bin sitting alongside the toilet. This leads to much unwanted odour and even less wanted flies.



Argentina offered no squats (I never can get my balance) just regular bowls with flushing mechanisms that could manage paper waste, and of course bidets in hotels



Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) my bowels come equipped with a hygienic-toilet-sensor. If the toilet is not of suitable quality and cleanliness my bowels refuse to evacuate. Three days was the limit in Brazil, not even close to the nine days I endured in southern Africa.



Argentina 4- Brazil 3



Television

Both countries provided cable television with a large array of channels, filling all of the normal genres, infomercial, history, natural world, movies, comedy, religion, cooking, drama/soap operas, and news. In addition both offered a tourism channel either specific to the local area or country.



Both countries offered some English language shows – both learn to speak English, and shows broadcast in English with Portuguese or Spanish subtitles.



Except for CNN news which was available in English or Portuguese (either way it was light on in respect to actual news content) Brazil only offered the occasional entertainment show in English. Thankfully one of them was Seinfeld.



Argentina showed off by having dedicated English broadcasting channels, Comedy, old movies, what appeared to be a channel dedicated to House and a drama channel. Unfortunately for Argentina they got a bit cocky and let one slip past the keeper when programmers schedules According to Jim to have 4 timeslots per day on the comedy channel.



According to the video referee the score is now 4 all.



Dance

Argentina offers the tango, lots of tango. A dance that although originating in Argentina in the working classes was not accepted as a favourable style until after it was popularised in France. Tango is a dance of power, athleticism, grace and seduction – if done correctly. At a dinner and show there was one couple where the woman appeared to be on a piece of string. She twisted and turned as her partner appeared to effortlessly fling her around, body continuously intertwined. This was followed by an old couple – who had to be the owners to be given any stage time – who merely shuffled around the stage roughly in time with the music.



Brazil offers Capoeira, the ‘fight dance” a style evolving out of the martial arts of the African slaves sent to Brazil between the 16th and 19th centuries. It has gone through its political challenges paralleling the changing attitudes to slavery in Brazil. Banned in the late 19th –early 20th centuries Capoeira is now celebrated as an important aspect of Brazilian culture. It is aggressive, combative rhythmic and strong coupled with percussion driven music. It appears to be a dance performed by men.



Both dances when performed at their best are unique and spectacular.



Score remains 4 all.



Brazil treats its road rules like the photograph on the package of processed food, they are “a suggestion only”. Two marked lanes on the road – this does not limit traffic to only travelling 2 a breast, if five vehicles can physically fit side by side then they will try for six. Indicators and speed limits are for sissies. Bus rides are exciting as they are determined to get to the destination in record time and change lanes when they want to regardless of the movement of other traffic



Argentina is a lot more orderly, lane changes are still unexpected, but traffic lights, speed limits etc are followed.



On the basis that for a mere $1 one can get transport and a ride far more exciting than any rollercoaster, Brazil scores again



4 - 5



Electric power is something that just bugs me during travel. The world has come to agreement on passports, airline tickets, USB ports, batteries, and the ingredients of a Big Mac and yet the plugs for electrical appliances still differ around the world.



Agents will advise travellers that Argentina and Brazil both utilise the “European” style plug. No –one appears to have told Brazil. In one hotel there were four different shapes and sizes of sockets (the hotel could not even chose which one to use) and none of them were the European style. The hotel’s adaptors did not accept the Australian plug so I had my charger plugged into and Australian-European adaptor which in turn was plugged into an European-Brazilian factor.



Argentina follows the rules and uses the European style plug.



Red card Brazil.



Score remains Argentina 4 – Brazil 5



Travelling around Brazil and Argentina both in the cities and across rural desolate areas wifi was always available and it was free! Sure sometimes the connection was slow and had tendencies to drop out if you did not stand with one foot in the air, but it was there. Australia has never really been able to compete in the world game.



No scores.



Both countries are Catholic and therefore have grand cathedrals in their cities, and some interesting churches in their regions. Opulent in their decor with mosaic floors, artworks, sculptures stained glass windows and shrines. Argentina however do not charge visitors. even when funerals are in progress. Tourists are welcome to wonder everywhere in the building except to the alter itself and take as many photos as they like, with or without flash. The security and church officials did not mind, the mourners were not put out and it was free.



Full time score Argentina 5 – Brazil 5



Both countries charge a reciprocity fee for Australians to enter the country. Brazil require it to be paid in advance through your local Embassy/Consulate and an appropriate visa is glued into the passport. Argentina it is paid upon entry at the airport – if you remind them. If you do not remind them it is US$100 extra in your pockets. Argentina wins in a penalty shoot out 1-0.

Brazil v Argentina

Recently Argentina beat Brazil 4-3 in an international football/soccer game. I know this because I was in Salvador at the time trying to be a tourist, doing my share of dining, shopping and sight-seeing (not necessarily either in that order or as actions independent of each other) The city had come to a standstill to watch the game. Any interruption of an Australian wanting to add to the local economy was greeted with a look ranging from disinterest to horror. Peak hour traffic seemed to be later in the day than expected in most Brazilian cities. This was not due to some greater work ethic but rather the end of work game of football that was played daily.

This love of football, as extreme as it was did not compare to that of Argentina. In the Presidential Palace in Buenos Aires there are paintings, photographs and statues recognising people important in Argentina’s history; artists, performers, revolutionists, political and military leaders and sports stars. Each was afforded one or two representations. Except Maradona. He had a wall of photographs in his honour. The commitment to football did not stop there. The palace contained many rooms, the President’s personal office, caucus meeting room, estate room for international dignitaries, the waiting room for said dignitaries, the presentation room and of course the room dedicated to welcoming the national football side before and after every international tournament.

Argentina 1, Brazil 0.



Brazilians are very good looking, but are aggressive and in the major cities likely to want to steal from tourists. Tourists will be distracted by how little clothing the potential thieves are wearing at the time. Argentina whilst less pleasing to the eye will be more willing to help tourists and have a greater grasp of the English language. Even beggars, despite their obvious lack of education speak fluent English when there is a chance it will lead to money. Argentineans are also very willing to accost people in the street and offer them sex at surprisingly cheap prices, however I want to point out the earlier statements about their appearance.



No addition to the score.



Natural wonder, Brazil boasts the Amazon with its wondrous array of fauna and flora. Then there are the mountains, the rock pools, caves, crystals and minor waterfalls. Then there is Iguazu Falls, 20% of the worlds second largest waterfall is in Brazil. It is also the best place for the perfect National Geographic come postcard photograph.



Argentina lays claim to the remaining 80% of the falls. On this side visitors can truly visit the falls of walk ways that in many cases take tourists right over the “fall”. One cannot stay dry on the Argentinean side and the power of the falls will blow off any article of clothing that is not securely fastened. Further south Argentina also offers glaciers.



Excellent defence and counter attack, but alas all to no avail.



When it comes to souvenirs Argentina has a much bigger range available, in some places it seems like it is the main purpose for the town’s existence. Both Argentina and Brazil have an equal supply of cheap and tacky souvenirs, perfect for work colleagues and other people to whom wary tourists must supply a gift on their return home. Brazil does make souvenir shopping easier by clumping their sellers altogether in large market places. Almost scoring an own-goal Argentina does focus the artistic designs of its souvenirs heavily on football and tango. In the complete absence of snow domes in Brazil...



Argentina 2, Brazil 0.

Beaches. Brazil. Copacabana Rio de Jeneiro + Brazilian cut swimwear.

Argentina 2, Brazil 1.

Brazil even in winter has weather consistently in the high twenties low thirties however it often comes with high humidity. A person should be able to notice the difference in moisture on their skin after towelling down after a shower or swim. All perfect if you are a summer person, not so much if you are a spring, winter or autumn person.

Argentina being further south has more variable weather and being the closest land mass to Antarctica can get more than chilly in some areas.

No change in score.

Brazil offers meat and three veg types of meals with the meat being mainly chicken or fish. Vegetables include: spinach, beans, pumpkin, potatoes, corn, tomatoes and more beans.

Argentina has a much more varied cuisine with Spanish, French and Italian influences. They are also renown for their beef and wine, with good reason. Steaks just melt in your mouth and the wine while it is no Barossa Valley vintage is still very smooth.

Ultimately it is the amazing flavours of a traditional Brazilian BBQ chicken that gets them across the line

2 all.

Argentina has a revolutionary past, as a consequence they do love a protest rally. In a four day period in Buenos Aires I witnessed no less than 7 protests; Traffic police, past soldiers, families of lost children, evangelical Christians and three others which due to my lack of Spanish language skills I never determined their cause. The one thing I did notice was that they were all highly organised, scaffolding, amplification equipment, professional banners and flags, pins, shirts and hats. Brazil there was only one protest about the right to have unions. Quite frankly if they are protesting already then they do not really need a union.

Argentina 2, Brazil 3 (Argentina own goal)

Brazil can’t win this one, on exchange rate alone. (1:2 for Brazil, 1:4 Argentina). Argentina then sweetens the deal by offering 1:5 if tourists use the American dollar – a currency they still think is worth something. Besides that the prices are just cheaper in Argentina. I bought a pair of shoes that would have cost around $250 in Australia for only $100. In Brazil I paid $15 for a fridge magnet!

3 all.

Half time.