Sunday, December 16, 2012

We Are Not Amused

It has been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Incorrect, there is mime and radio station prank calls. Quite rightly there has been much debate about the moral and legal appropriateness of the call and its disastrous consequences. Much like the now infamous “black-face” routine during the Red Faces segment of the short-lived return of Hey Hey It’s Saturday this outrage hides the fact that not only was the segment offensive to a great many it was entertaining a slim few.

What part of the royal prank call was funny?

It will likely mean that the two presenters radio careers, only into its second day, is over nearly as quickly as Mal Maninga’s political career. Unfortunately for everyone involved it will be much more memorable.

This week also saw the beginning of the end for another Australian stalwart. The Victorian Parliament this week voted to make solariums illegal from 2014. The sector obviously did not attract high enough tax revenue as the politicians made their decision based on scientific evidence and bought to an end an era an increased risk of cancer related death. Due to the income generated through cigarette sales laws concentrate more of stigmastisation and making the practise of smoking less attractive and socially acceptable  - the desire for an outright ban seems much lower.

In outlawing solariums, politicians have also legislated against another great slight on society – the leather look.

No longer will people be wandering the streets with skin resembling tanned hides used for handbags or upholstery. A great bonus. Unfortunately this is likely to see a dramatic increase in the Umpa Lumpa. The unique glow once reserved for the realm of nuclear fall out is now desirable and can be bought it a bottle.

Spray tanning. The world does not need more Snookies. No one wants the orange look of shows like Jersey Shore, The Shire or Geordie Shore to be considered normal, but now in Australia at least could soon be considered normal. I used to live in hope that it was just an unfortunate but passing phase. Like men with blow waves in the 70s, women’s shoulder pads in the 80s, happy pants in the 90s and muffin tops, in the naughties, I wished the days when the world would collectively sit back laughing and ask “why did we think that looked good.

I might just be getting old and boring but I also think that unless you were raised in a tribal village in the jungles of South America or the plains of Africa it should be illegal to put disks of ever-increasing size into ear piercings

Whilst they are considered normal, and attractive (depending on the artist) I believe the tattoo sleeve will be something many wearers rue in years to come. Unlike a bad hairstyle a ridiculous article of clothing tattoos are not easily got rid of. They look great in peoples youth and 20s whilst they are fit and the skin is taught. But muscle tone and the skins elasticity lessen over the years. As the skin stretches and sags, what now looks like a coiled snake could soon look like a dog turd. The naked woman over time will look less like porn star Barbie, becoming more anatomically correct ask the ink breasts sag along with the once powerful biceps of its wearer.

If only 2Day FM had made a call to an Australian sports star to remind them that despite what their coaches tell them they are not a tribal warriors. They are white (mainly) middle class adults that spend their time chasing balls or running around in circles so there is no need for the war paint (orange or black).