tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10425106734830655352024-03-06T05:41:03.483+11:00Another FREAKin' BlogDarren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.comBlogger306125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-66215053547975609242016-07-21T07:40:00.000+10:002016-07-21T07:41:44.383+10:00I have movedThank you for visiting this blog, especially those people who come back week after week for new posts. For future posts please visit my shiny new website<br />
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Also on this site is information about upcoming comedy gigs, links to youtube clips and also photography services. See you there!</div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-41505497552365072062016-07-01T22:27:00.000+10:002016-07-01T22:27:03.419+10:00Signs of the times<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ7ekhnT_H20DfKsu9TonB4vHm-w-RMnBAUqcZRIIEJnCL4E95MuIRFl7Kzu-0VxJ5Zhy6QX8AygocCcq2wz05Mt0AvrUcjGoMn2FDmbAfQ-LqjZmUe_GwvrKBH9yir_xYbSmlVeFVCrA/s1600/Do+not+disturb-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ7ekhnT_H20DfKsu9TonB4vHm-w-RMnBAUqcZRIIEJnCL4E95MuIRFl7Kzu-0VxJ5Zhy6QX8AygocCcq2wz05Mt0AvrUcjGoMn2FDmbAfQ-LqjZmUe_GwvrKBH9yir_xYbSmlVeFVCrA/s320/Do+not+disturb-1.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What happens in a Spanish hotel stays in a Spanish hotel</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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From public transport in Spain</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT31pnJQDty-v7C-QU38D6vIcqnYGX6J8VhXqSSp4VE4M2-bY6jLgy6tHTiCfHoifpNiHlVbywIy8klFtpQegj1-QQ5kU1Uaz1JfjG6YF5HA4xYyISjjCKTLFv-cR3H8d2pDEYvcNjEiU/s1600/Goyter-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT31pnJQDty-v7C-QU38D6vIcqnYGX6J8VhXqSSp4VE4M2-bY6jLgy6tHTiCfHoifpNiHlVbywIy8klFtpQegj1-QQ5kU1Uaz1JfjG6YF5HA4xYyISjjCKTLFv-cR3H8d2pDEYvcNjEiU/s320/Goyter-1.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seat reserved for people with goiters, and Seinfeld fans</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOaj9I1rrtqdpgWc4ZKpvFVo5qoIfrD1c_iMtMbc6k3hB26TuTwtUQX2mOUFRvd8qZwtxUOUG5Chr9mgDduFYuAfLoaMEmOuMmsano4Nmu0XgWQ2hpvC08it98ThmKyLKAMlZX4wvpfWw/s1600/Train+signs-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOaj9I1rrtqdpgWc4ZKpvFVo5qoIfrD1c_iMtMbc6k3hB26TuTwtUQX2mOUFRvd8qZwtxUOUG5Chr9mgDduFYuAfLoaMEmOuMmsano4Nmu0XgWQ2hpvC08it98ThmKyLKAMlZX4wvpfWw/s320/Train+signs-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Being hung like that is it any wonder he wants to put his feet up?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdodn3jVqcn4miMqPUdEsUlBxmHX8AoA8SQO_-Xa47HU2a6dbvaxeK4OjjRI4L7aQmo-oaAsXdKwz9ZkA5bOMmJTISP9257SWpe7eLBwFC6LznKJXuwbz716UpGkFTQOA42Eeul_tQHZw/s1600/Train+signs-1-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdodn3jVqcn4miMqPUdEsUlBxmHX8AoA8SQO_-Xa47HU2a6dbvaxeK4OjjRI4L7aQmo-oaAsXdKwz9ZkA5bOMmJTISP9257SWpe7eLBwFC6LznKJXuwbz716UpGkFTQOA42Eeul_tQHZw/s320/Train+signs-1-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No songs with harmonies?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkKbxozkT7bHfmh9l-RsswPeOvsCFuZzvYkEKEdKId7bqYpv1jQ7613sCKFc_IrEsXwbqS7ypPX1yW5EuAcCy0_S12nq1FXBaR9i0jtjRqKwR2rm8Y9_zX3Nfyqe9Jq_Qzo4ScsCrFQ7I/s1600/IMG_3711-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkKbxozkT7bHfmh9l-RsswPeOvsCFuZzvYkEKEdKId7bqYpv1jQ7613sCKFc_IrEsXwbqS7ypPX1yW5EuAcCy0_S12nq1FXBaR9i0jtjRqKwR2rm8Y9_zX3Nfyqe9Jq_Qzo4ScsCrFQ7I/s320/IMG_3711-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Most public transport bans drinking, this one requires drinks to be served on the rock, and for the drinks to be big!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
From public transport in Barcelona, Spain</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPxYadPH58tAlqmmY2AklANA8AxCT3elqB4cFGBSlZeFU1P98M1Q1eu0FFhE9jD2reeR4jGfkQr8eJIJaI5Wo_Z1SaQOeDceoKWzRc50Ebkn91Nq3J4YavdpgpHbdns0G218NX9WbPKLY/s1600/Smoking.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPxYadPH58tAlqmmY2AklANA8AxCT3elqB4cFGBSlZeFU1P98M1Q1eu0FFhE9jD2reeR4jGfkQr8eJIJaI5Wo_Z1SaQOeDceoKWzRc50Ebkn91Nq3J4YavdpgpHbdns0G218NX9WbPKLY/s320/Smoking.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No smoking behind someone wearing a horsehair wig</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVBCqUQAD2oUsU4a18iimhB62dKUAP0hEHDRdqvJ4unutaSxg1dzLkmxUjpMPdI701_Cu22Ph355NfomgBKbN4-IK4_RyBTTyIwEiTexHou5uODiYJUMQiEbfFbh37Cu-HbCHzDkRlqzE/s1600/Busking.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVBCqUQAD2oUsU4a18iimhB62dKUAP0hEHDRdqvJ4unutaSxg1dzLkmxUjpMPdI701_Cu22Ph355NfomgBKbN4-IK4_RyBTTyIwEiTexHou5uODiYJUMQiEbfFbh37Cu-HbCHzDkRlqzE/s320/Busking.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No performing in "black face"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0tBe6hUin9d0K4mp9oXZD-lubt8pTNXxY-VV1y3bl00zfMbjFXJ2oO_EBOjfOwPFn5dvnMKOlByqi1E6_ou2SiDYPz8QIlNyM11NcXJ-kUXZhy0lUQI6wFyrJFX-gjwDC8pcd2eyL1dM/s1600/Poor.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0tBe6hUin9d0K4mp9oXZD-lubt8pTNXxY-VV1y3bl00zfMbjFXJ2oO_EBOjfOwPFn5dvnMKOlByqi1E6_ou2SiDYPz8QIlNyM11NcXJ-kUXZhy0lUQI6wFyrJFX-gjwDC8pcd2eyL1dM/s320/Poor.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No poor people; you don't need a ticket just the means to acquire one</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW_xLzvUa5qTXpV4wtDayompTDuhkE1J5QpChmVZs0JG-Mjm2Up7MOpIY6SpUW2MNpYW85IhiPj6QGgyV8OvUm8toMzaiBg3Q-F_jvnL2fluLuDkq38Og9yA9H8DXjenOx_VX8u45O6uA/s1600/Hiking.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW_xLzvUa5qTXpV4wtDayompTDuhkE1J5QpChmVZs0JG-Mjm2Up7MOpIY6SpUW2MNpYW85IhiPj6QGgyV8OvUm8toMzaiBg3Q-F_jvnL2fluLuDkq38Og9yA9H8DXjenOx_VX8u45O6uA/s320/Hiking.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No mountain climbing over the chairs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhECN2vzf1yoAibPzuTYtxaJQKpn1k5KvDkMD6B9UfwAlk112VTvs2HBSAftX8t0YRK6f0afEo7lrh5o4d3dqJaSvuA-gCWdSnukJaaqh1Ch7isH7iU2pq1JHrXu_vS4eYPgYmiciUqOnc/s1600/Renovations.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhECN2vzf1yoAibPzuTYtxaJQKpn1k5KvDkMD6B9UfwAlk112VTvs2HBSAftX8t0YRK6f0afEo7lrh5o4d3dqJaSvuA-gCWdSnukJaaqh1Ch7isH7iU2pq1JHrXu_vS4eYPgYmiciUqOnc/s320/Renovations.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No renovating; how often have you been sitting there thinking "what this train needs is an inside/outside room?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
From Adelaide airport, Australia</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZwMpS27_7Ue6_Yk4ygw96aZP0UgPHDi2NdJAYPhbNXI7N8VlBDdsBAe0JGeCE1LEN5E6Sev2kWsUz7a8jzgsT0e5OyCDfXOJAfiAprjzQ-qnWf-BRXvNoXvD1M9iV6m8o45PpafgdUKc/s1600/Adelaide+water.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZwMpS27_7Ue6_Yk4ygw96aZP0UgPHDi2NdJAYPhbNXI7N8VlBDdsBAe0JGeCE1LEN5E6Sev2kWsUz7a8jzgsT0e5OyCDfXOJAfiAprjzQ-qnWf-BRXvNoXvD1M9iV6m8o45PpafgdUKc/s320/Adelaide+water.png" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two questions; 1. Just how bad is Adelaide water that this is even an option? 2. How often is this happening that it needed a sign?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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Colorado, USA<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbLK5EKaOlY_SdPtnpCluERGb4Dyz2zYT-xMN8KoM2wLjT8vyEyXUWHcG_Pjqf1Aj8hXCJTV4JySZGvYm7t6DCMPGH5OQ_YuIQysHysSk5Yb0h6S5i5PndhogtNr8FcSgBkFvusRXr4RI/s1600/Downtown+Arvada.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbLK5EKaOlY_SdPtnpCluERGb4Dyz2zYT-xMN8KoM2wLjT8vyEyXUWHcG_Pjqf1Aj8hXCJTV4JySZGvYm7t6DCMPGH5OQ_YuIQysHysSk5Yb0h6S5i5PndhogtNr8FcSgBkFvusRXr4RI/s320/Downtown+Arvada.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If this is downtown, what do the outskirts look like?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span id="goog_250501208"></span><span id="goog_250501209"></span><br /></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-65975616207887295232016-06-27T18:40:00.000+10:002016-06-27T18:40:46.437+10:00Classy Business - Emirates Business Class<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Spain offers duty free in most stores. You
simply pay the full price and then reclaim the tax at the airport. Simples!
Madrid airport is designed to minimise the number of people who successfully
claim the refund.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">There are only two steps. Get the receipt
stamped by a customs tax official and then present the stamped receipt to the
refund desk. The customs tax official is no where near the customs check point
where passports are stamped. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">To get there you simple take the elevator
down one level, catch the train one stop<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>the take the escalator up two levels. Go through to doors turn right,
then left , down the corridor turn right at the end and then run as fast as you
can at the wall for platform<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>9<sup>3</sup>/<sub>4.<o:p></o:p></sub></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Armed with a stamped receipt it is then off
to the refund counter. Back down the corridor, take the escalator down one
level, go through<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the duty free shopping
area, turn right, turn left go to the end f that corridor and then it is the
little door on the left. Knock three times…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnKyVzL8taTNtj6cEaHT6lqDVDz3-XASJi9UyJlDyLKAYg8mSYEcAtowLQBhuHUFxvIxC7IENGV0dDdajbrCGPDIbE48wxbj4g7BLWu1wMy_n8wegnesX-2iZK5diIxqCIr8Yz2kR_4lE/s1600/Madrid+business+class+lounge-2-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnKyVzL8taTNtj6cEaHT6lqDVDz3-XASJi9UyJlDyLKAYg8mSYEcAtowLQBhuHUFxvIxC7IENGV0dDdajbrCGPDIbE48wxbj4g7BLWu1wMy_n8wegnesX-2iZK5diIxqCIr8Yz2kR_4lE/s200/Madrid+business+class+lounge-2-3.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This sandwich is the business</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">There is a big different between the
business class lounge in Madrid and the first class lounge in Melbourne and
Dubai. I am not sure whether this is to do with the class or the location.
First let me say the wine selection is excellent range of local Spanish wines.
The food is, well, pretty average cafeteria food. On the upside, the chicken sandwiches are
extremely fresh and do have the crusts cut off. They also have a lot of
margarine. They are just like the sandwiches the CWA ladies might serve at the
local church fete – just. The only hot food is the same chicken sandwiches that
you put through an automatic toaster. Good luck if you are wanting to go
gluten free.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRDuWpNmaG7IrHSwTHrTJo5tliHJS6MtkcfG2wSrIL3UVzGjpzlf4UWWoWSe7VSCNvpUiWm32N0xn_hZ2EIZlkvDppwdGP345-0ePBJEBtrmMOZrFnVGmZEqIKwYglKv3clAjTGa7lbwg/s1600/IMG_3935-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRDuWpNmaG7IrHSwTHrTJo5tliHJS6MtkcfG2wSrIL3UVzGjpzlf4UWWoWSe7VSCNvpUiWm32N0xn_hZ2EIZlkvDppwdGP345-0ePBJEBtrmMOZrFnVGmZEqIKwYglKv3clAjTGa7lbwg/s320/IMG_3935-7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emirates business class seats, A330</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">To compare business class to first class is only fair when comparing the same carrier and same aircraft. My comparison is for Emirates Airlines on the Airbus A330. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Comparing business to first class there are many things that are the same<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>express line for security</li>
<li>express line for boarding</li>
<li>door for boarding</li>
<li>leg room</li>
<li>menu, food and wine</li>
<li>contents of toiletry bag</li>
<li>mini bar</li>
<li>television screen and channels</li>
<li>chauffer transfers to and from the airport</li>
<li>electronic window shades</li>
<li>fine bone china, metal cutlery, glassware and linen tablecloths<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2IedPSonTtPjrMhCiXVd91Nwu2jOZG3PptPTA9jK6GSU2J2D7LTq2XYUvAVrPciic_LgVvwcURvgRmq3yVrl0YYXuq1LjMd4HrXBIPAl-3ydz4K-xEDOeXZyjuvlac5m4djRtT3uRKKk/s1600/stand+up+bar-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2IedPSonTtPjrMhCiXVd91Nwu2jOZG3PptPTA9jK6GSU2J2D7LTq2XYUvAVrPciic_LgVvwcURvgRmq3yVrl0YYXuq1LjMd4HrXBIPAl-3ydz4K-xEDOeXZyjuvlac5m4djRtT3uRKKk/s320/stand+up+bar-10.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emirates stand up bar, A330</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li>access to the stand up bar</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">And now for something (not so) completely
different<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>the chair is slightly narrower and only
leather trimmed instead of all leather</li>
<li>whilst still in a personal pod there is no
door</li>
<li>no personal supply of chocolates and other
nibbles</li>
<li>the toiletry bag is canvas instead of
leather</li>
<li>instead of pyjamas there is a pair of
socks.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The socks appear to be a randomly arbitrary
item of clothing, why not gloves or a jaunty hat?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Yc6NjVu_mFkt3yUZdnrI__eEPLSAVRNd3jkxXxXUqoCJZd9CmB-uRqxLOVMaVGHp-GvqNsj9OoKwVhD474o-CR_Iq-5K94sBNcaJIZMJx0hGFw7MarIgYzAkjp7cUPoon6vB142yPs8/s1600/Grilled+beef+with+vegetables-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Yc6NjVu_mFkt3yUZdnrI__eEPLSAVRNd3jkxXxXUqoCJZd9CmB-uRqxLOVMaVGHp-GvqNsj9OoKwVhD474o-CR_Iq-5K94sBNcaJIZMJx0hGFw7MarIgYzAkjp7cUPoon6vB142yPs8/s200/Grilled+beef+with+vegetables-9.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grilled beef with vegetables</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
need to describe the business class bed.
The first class bed was flat, wide and when extended filled the pod. In
business class the seats are arranged in a alternating fishbone style
arrangements. The legroom is under the mini bar and general serving are of the
seat in front. This means that when the seat is extended to its bed
configuration it actually slide forward so that it is slightly under the pod in
front, like the seat in the Bat mobile in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dark Knight </i><i>Trilogy</i>. First class beds are fantastic, business
class beds are cool.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">In Dubai airport there is separate lounges
for Emirates first and business class passengers, they are even on separate
floors, by which I mean they take up an entire floor each. It is to be noted
that business class is on a higher floor. The menu appears to be the same,
though it is with great pleasure I can report the presence of bacon on the
breakfast buffet in business class – albeit turkey bacon. I earlier reported no
bacon </span>in the first class lounge – turkey or otherwise. The main difference
appears to be the absence of fountains.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Most importantly when comparing first class
to business class, they still called me sir!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsJQoEW4F18_ce3qLaXiHIl5Yho1kMGWp0t4sHQ727CjzT6XQbWQfr29hkQCl7rcFqrLScuhOSkATioMqAiEMrXWoMCq3-NIVDrEJxMFhGMCVqJehtg7wVEvOYjm55lD_KZfp3GnKRYFM/s1600/Chocolate+pancakes+and+croissant-12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsJQoEW4F18_ce3qLaXiHIl5Yho1kMGWp0t4sHQ727CjzT6XQbWQfr29hkQCl7rcFqrLScuhOSkATioMqAiEMrXWoMCq3-NIVDrEJxMFhGMCVqJehtg7wVEvOYjm55lD_KZfp3GnKRYFM/s320/Chocolate+pancakes+and+croissant-12.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Breakfast in bed - chocolate pancakes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-72394121536060624532016-06-26T18:30:00.001+10:002016-06-26T18:30:20.461+10:00Madrid<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Arriving at Porto Airport, ready to board
my TAP Portugal flight to Madrid excited to be upgraded from economy to
business class, the check in desk told me to go through Express Security
because “I am entitled”. Yes I am. The questions is, what was I entitled too? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4DAtcLzEE5uxiIesIbAMG0Q3sckfz8feDD0EU5Y1En6R8nk1VyscPWwbFAzkiwqHi9P2Dx6-k5ISUWICRjsyr4LZfnxIGcQOY4uCAYbghqWXIfhv3ukadBMkI3KEBgSIYQ0I8xuF-z1o/s1600/Alfonso+VII+monument-4-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4DAtcLzEE5uxiIesIbAMG0Q3sckfz8feDD0EU5Y1En6R8nk1VyscPWwbFAzkiwqHi9P2Dx6-k5ISUWICRjsyr4LZfnxIGcQOY4uCAYbghqWXIfhv3ukadBMkI3KEBgSIYQ0I8xuF-z1o/s320/Alfonso+VII+monument-4-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alfonso VII Monument</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Express security had three staff and one passenger (me), right next
to the standard security line in which the numbers were reversed so it only
saved me about two minutes. I did get to board the plane first. I was the very
first passenger on the plane, for the very first time in my life. The seats in
business class and economy class were identical, with business class afforded
an additional 15cm or so leg room. After the canyoning in Porto I was as
grateful as I was entitled to this room. (For those playing along ay home I
have almost regained full movement in my right leg) The inflight entertainment
was non existent for any passengers. The catering reminded me just how entitled
I really was. A pre-prepared roll that had a smear of something that may have
been salmon and a couple of wilted roquette and a fruit salad consisting of two
orange segments, four cubes of tart pineapple and two cubes of rock melon. To
drink I was offered a warm can of Coke and a glass with an ice cube.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The napkin was fabric, the cutlery metal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It was less than expected for business
class, even on a 50 minute flight, but still more than offered to economy
class. The surfs received two thirds cup of warm Coke served in a plastic cup
with only one ice cube.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB">It appears I am not however entitled to
electricity. 24 hours after arriving my apartment lost all power for more than
a day. I moved to a hotel room around the corner that although provided a
kitchenette did not provide power to said kitchen – that is another €5 per day.
If one did chose to pay the extra then it is extensively equipped with a wide
range of cooking utensils…one ladle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Madrid is much flatter than its western neighbour, and warmer.
Unlike the Australian sun, which can feel like a BBQ hot plate on your face, in
south western Europe it is more like being in a slow cooker. Nowhere is this
more true than Madrid. Many of the alfresco cafes have fans with constant water
misters attached. I am now well into my fourth bottle of sunscreen. Sadly
Madrid let me down. I needed to put on a jumper, once, during the day even.
Just for a couple of hours, but still!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Also the toothpaste and supply of
take-with-you-tasty treats provided by Emirates first class has sadly run out, 18
days after they were first supplied. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Madrid loves vast royal and government
buildings and galleries. The galleries often housing the original artwork that
once hung proudly in the palace or parliament. A replica is often hanging in its
place. As a tourist this does create a sense of déjà vu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimumbCTdC6frXo17f1HLgi8l0ADzgEP2ms9SdGDo7Iv-3U6UrG7MYNRf3f0jTcI63UUx8htu8mO1_H4dTS0ivKUsqx1wBiFFqVzolCiJdTSVbcXjzig-g6ubIdiFcSyXsiaglcpe1C7pw/s1600/Templo+de+Debod-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimumbCTdC6frXo17f1HLgi8l0ADzgEP2ms9SdGDo7Iv-3U6UrG7MYNRf3f0jTcI63UUx8htu8mO1_H4dTS0ivKUsqx1wBiFFqVzolCiJdTSVbcXjzig-g6ubIdiFcSyXsiaglcpe1C7pw/s320/Templo+de+Debod-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Templo de Debod</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Adding to the confusion is Templo de Debod,
an Egyptian temple. An actual, real, original temple that was dismantled,
shipped to Spain and rebuilt. Imagine the cost of postage. It was a gift to
Spain after it came to the aid of Egypt when a great archaeological area was
under threat of ruin with the Nile under flood. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It must be said it is a small temple as is
the original art work carved into its interior wall. It is more like a temple
that Egypt had put down in the back shed when it discovered other, better
temples. Then years later, having a bit of a clean up rediscovered it, and
instead of throwing it out simply put a pretty bow on it and gifted it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1QUFrh4cReDnxEVLyEkS5mOiECEDnJJMJeHLPL-YjvCOLrxxvn4jQZdYtOdOi-H5GrD3YvBs_USBRvRl6mrzObqAFQLsTgNeavSifgqh5TGEc_Ke1sKhBKbLnRpA6TISH0hrOpYyGcvQ/s1600/Royal+Palace+dusk-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1QUFrh4cReDnxEVLyEkS5mOiECEDnJJMJeHLPL-YjvCOLrxxvn4jQZdYtOdOi-H5GrD3YvBs_USBRvRl6mrzObqAFQLsTgNeavSifgqh5TGEc_Ke1sKhBKbLnRpA6TISH0hrOpYyGcvQ/s320/Royal+Palace+dusk-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Royal Palace</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I did visit
the royal palace, with plans to catch up with King Filipe VII and Queen
Letizia. I was going to have churros and a hot choccy with Fil to celebrate the
second anniversary to him ascending the throne, however they were called away
to prepare Spain’s response to the Orlando massacre. Being very proud of being
the third country in the world to legalise same sex marriage despite being staunchly
catholic country the Spanish community are deeply upset by the event. Having
discovered America I think they feel partially responsible. I did catch up with
Hollywood royalty instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I awoke
this morning to notice a larger than normal police presence in the main square,
including riot police. It turns out that Thursday’s in Madrid appear to be
protest days. Everyone who has anything to protest is there with a microphone
and a sign. The biggest group forming was definitely to show solidarity with
the people of Orlando. A much smaller, much, much smaller group was listening
to a lady holding a large placard with a clearly labeled drawing of a rectangle
and a circle. The labels were in both Spanish and English so must be very
important. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">She was either
wanting change in Spanish architectural design or demanding a Tupperware
Shape-O for every child born in Spain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioeJEtgshPfIilT63v3MRM0uYIil0WIhhN7zb9WMYMxt-PIYuQDK9tjC4p0zmFuIcJzrJq5uo7wbvercm63fkZtent19OtK_Eowh2LLoxmS1WK5DOPKuy_9hCRgbXr_n1MKXPRIkXAHT8/s1600/Flamenco-21-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioeJEtgshPfIilT63v3MRM0uYIil0WIhhN7zb9WMYMxt-PIYuQDK9tjC4p0zmFuIcJzrJq5uo7wbvercm63fkZtent19OtK_Eowh2LLoxmS1WK5DOPKuy_9hCRgbXr_n1MKXPRIkXAHT8/s320/Flamenco-21-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flamenco</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">I rounded out my holiday with a
night of Flamenco. As my mother would say, “it was a bit loud” even after
turning off the hearing aid – there is a lot of clapping and stomping. The
women were amazing and their feet <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so fast</i>.
The male dancer was a lot more prancey than he was dancey. He was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very </i>impressed with his own abilities
despite how poorly he compared to his </span>two female colleagues.</div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-45072585154749303782016-06-25T18:59:00.000+10:002016-06-25T18:59:23.526+10:00Next stop Porto, Portugal<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">My apologies from the outset if my writing
is a little slllurred. I am in Porto, the home of port – the fortified wine not
the shipping yard. It appears that any time is the right time for port. It
would be culturally insensitive to be in Porto and not drink port. Like
visiting Champagne and not drinking champagne, Cologne and not wearing some or visiting Adelaide and not eating a pie floater.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5PICuwDj9njfdWYvnHGR6oCwf_prAtNuFXSBgwC8CJn90NcovnpjejFj-qCMsQx-VNelnRrzMTr_SzUnzlRcr4b9tKa6om2Ep2iN5vKvEYZyn8MuX5BansYiTAnz9hUawU6ztZhE1Up0/s1600/Suite+entrance-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5PICuwDj9njfdWYvnHGR6oCwf_prAtNuFXSBgwC8CJn90NcovnpjejFj-qCMsQx-VNelnRrzMTr_SzUnzlRcr4b9tKa6om2Ep2iN5vKvEYZyn8MuX5BansYiTAnz9hUawU6ztZhE1Up0/s200/Suite+entrance-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Suite entrance</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I
started my time in Porto with two days at a 5-star hotel and spa – I needed to
unwind from all of the stress of this first class holiday. I was upgraded from
a room to a suite, a suite, which was bigger than my Melbourne apartment. It
did not help with my desire to not get lost for at least a couple of days. I am
not used to a space big enough to have two wings. Everything I wanted was
always in the other wing and bathroom breaks needed to be planned ahead. Two
days of massages, spas and saunas… and complimentary port.</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-no-proof: yes;"> </span><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The Clerigos church tower was clearly not
designed for modern tourism, Kryal Castle on the other hand was designed not
only to protect Ballarat from the centuries of attacks from Horsham and Bendigo
it also accommodates tourists with babies, backpacks and cameras. Clerigos
barely allows room for a soldier armed with a bow and arrow let alone a machine
gun or a cannon. As a defensive tower it does provide 360<sup>o</sup> view of
the city, hence the need for room for people wielding cameras.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">A glass of port helped to overcome the
disappointment of this tour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Porto like its bigger cousin, Lisbon seems
to be loose and easy with the offering of marijuana. This might explain why
McDonald’s signs whilst still containing the signature golden arches they are
on a green background instead of the more traditional Ronald’s-hair-red.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Another glass of port helped calm my nerves
after this shock.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjptrg3uNhFZ88WfnVjHvzu0KLGnmnMssZrlR4S5NNONU2PHvHUeMgwWIvpZ-6nLR73e1P5db6Hiv2a9I6P9TPfppZ53IOafD6NSvyr2jj9AkidRhosrBDMtL3-K4tzw4RtTLlg76QYZT8/s1600/Pote+Lius+1+night-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjptrg3uNhFZ88WfnVjHvzu0KLGnmnMssZrlR4S5NNONU2PHvHUeMgwWIvpZ-6nLR73e1P5db6Hiv2a9I6P9TPfppZ53IOafD6NSvyr2jj9AkidRhosrBDMtL3-K4tzw4RtTLlg76QYZT8/s320/Pote+Lius+1+night-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I joined a cruise of the Douro river which is really a tour of
Porto’s bridges. Porto loves a bridge even more than Seville. My tour was
crammed full of retirees and the chop of the waves meant that the flap of upprt
arm skin acted as either an effective fan or dangerous slapping machine
depending on how closely one was situated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Douro River flows through the Douro wine and port region, one of the
best wine rejeons, and only port resshions in the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Porto’s port cellars – listen in Australian
wineries serves only small samples of wine on a wine tour, in Porto the glass is full. Considering port is
a minimumum 20pershent </span><span lang="EN-GB">alcohol,
an afternoon spent tasting nine different ports is a fun summer activity. What
is not so fun is negoshiating the <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgShBEy7dpNqzLZr3gayt0wZcsVITOvcu8fOqJA5wwb0uScGDUca64x4tImf0VEyf8MoIzxhWgFP-JQdWMeMbq9ZuqDkkoyqp5bqVqutIEEzSi-VA7Mi29C2TM81qfKZZ_8E8ryauNo3jM/s1600/Cockburn%2527s+Cellars-6-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgShBEy7dpNqzLZr3gayt0wZcsVITOvcu8fOqJA5wwb0uScGDUca64x4tImf0VEyf8MoIzxhWgFP-JQdWMeMbq9ZuqDkkoyqp5bqVqutIEEzSi-VA7Mi29C2TM81qfKZZ_8E8ryauNo3jM/s200/Cockburn%2527s+Cellars-6-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cocburn's cellar</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
cobblestone streetsh in a hilly regssion down
to a river bank. I still had enough of my wits about me not to order a tasting
of a port left to age since the mid 1800s at $120 a glass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">To help soak up the alcohol I went for a local dish, the Francesinha
sandwich. Please note this not a local delicacy as there is nothing delicate
about it. It is a cube of fat and carbohydrates. Start with about 5cm of the
whitest bread you can find – so white that it should not rap and definitely can
not jump. Fill the sandwich with steak, a hot dog sausage or two and some cured
ham. Lightly toast and then cover top to bottom with sliced cheese. Put it back
under the grill to melt the cheese. Serve this with fries and the cover with a
special beer-based gravy. The flavour of this gravy is like Gravox and American
ketchup got together and had a child. The gravy is equally salty as it is
sweet, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very </i>runny.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiMu8mDCLRIyeZODPWeiTZ5MP7ImX69oULK0njmx2cnPzrEEd4ixk6GDJw1f20b2JQB3yWMXhA8TNn1lLiaNs5okYkF8YJI1fYzp09nX2HT_51JLPCjCmUbWDs3QGKHcXEuDHRQDHvNAc/s1600/Francesinha-2-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiMu8mDCLRIyeZODPWeiTZ5MP7ImX69oULK0njmx2cnPzrEEd4ixk6GDJw1f20b2JQB3yWMXhA8TNn1lLiaNs5okYkF8YJI1fYzp09nX2HT_51JLPCjCmUbWDs3QGKHcXEuDHRQDHvNAc/s320/Francesinha-2-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Francesinha</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Porto was meant to be the location that I
ticked off a fifth continent on my bucket-list item, white-water rafting on
every continent. Unfortunately the rivers in Porto were too low for rafting so
I will have to return to Europe again. The rivers however were the perfect
depth for canyoning. Canyoning is a mix of hiking, rock climbing, swimming,
body surfing, abseiling, cliff jumping and caving; sometimes more than one at a
time. It is a total adrenalin rush and completely exhausting. The parts of my
body that do not ache are completely numb and the parts that are not numb
totally ache.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJsSpIR3wvPWoLAtpZiTMi7ABBunCJsujSO6q4pCjaWDLXrJYII-vz5TtI5kuJHN1KTeiRDDwgu2ifof1ybfvBlFh1_m8LsObqxiLtBAyJR0j_rOBwCpz0_Gbn0i4wEaKK9Vjq6QCSMM/s1600/Ribeira+night-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJsSpIR3wvPWoLAtpZiTMi7ABBunCJsujSO6q4pCjaWDLXrJYII-vz5TtI5kuJHN1KTeiRDDwgu2ifof1ybfvBlFh1_m8LsObqxiLtBAyJR0j_rOBwCpz0_Gbn0i4wEaKK9Vjq6QCSMM/s320/Ribeira+night-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ribeira at dusk</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-8581025812516415812016-06-24T16:58:00.000+10:002016-06-25T08:42:49.019+10:00Lisbon<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEKk1Mhss9NOQORQ3NrNQ3e8bykAfQ00IxaDUTj1vJJUHzn3hseKBt4vqIaEPIBoMRCueJ-0MBsmrwZG55dUolkvmlgGof0sNaWgVRjISbQeEMTAgg6rloWI13LXXtMsYx_rvDNh6_XxM/s1600/TAP+Portugal+Seville+to+Lisbon-1-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEKk1Mhss9NOQORQ3NrNQ3e8bykAfQ00IxaDUTj1vJJUHzn3hseKBt4vqIaEPIBoMRCueJ-0MBsmrwZG55dUolkvmlgGof0sNaWgVRjISbQeEMTAgg6rloWI13LXXtMsYx_rvDNh6_XxM/s200/TAP+Portugal+Seville+to+Lisbon-1-2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">TAP Portugal Flight</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">TAP Portugal flight from Seville, Spain to Lisbon, Portugal was not
the international flight I was expecting. (read my about my first class experience <a href="http://anotherfreakin.blogspot.com.au/2016/06/its-all-class-emirates-first-class.html" target="_blank">here</a>). The twin propeller plane offered only
two classes; passengers and crew. The 50 minutes flight just gave enough time
for crew to pour everyone a 2/3 full cup of soft drink (not enough time to
either pour or consume the remaining 1/3) and collect the empty cups.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">On arrival in Lisbon I learned why
marijuana is considered a gateway drug. Having alighted from the airport bus into
Rossio Square, my gateway into the city, I had not even fully extended the
handle on my suitcase when I was offered a bud or two of grass (with a free try
if I wanted).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My saying “no” was not a
refusal but merely a gateway to immediately being offered cocaine or ice. I
either look like a soft touristy target or an experienced user of hard drugs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Portuguese police should simply dress as
tourists to find all of the dealers, during a 15 minutes walk along a shopping
mall I was approached at least ten times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVarp3Epeyy4dg5Q4O-dqJe_YwNP4KZqXK5Xd5odn7uSweGgHBG4ALISagYFXQfjNvIcU4TIxe_pyTepyb4JGjQRJoRrsqBQ6oXHtCvNJYjnvTJUUdCLXAx0mMjbk4ZFxD-nlpLl-UJvQ/s1600/25+Abril+Bridge+sunset-5-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="104" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVarp3Epeyy4dg5Q4O-dqJe_YwNP4KZqXK5Xd5odn7uSweGgHBG4ALISagYFXQfjNvIcU4TIxe_pyTepyb4JGjQRJoRrsqBQ6oXHtCvNJYjnvTJUUdCLXAx0mMjbk4ZFxD-nlpLl-UJvQ/s320/25+Abril+Bridge+sunset-5-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">25 Abril Bridge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Lisbon cartographers have invented a new map style, “stylised”.
Unlike a actual map a stylised map is defined by a few features;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">Not all roads included on the
map actually exist.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">Not all actual roads are
included on the map<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">Not all roads included on the
map are named, not all of the actual roads are named either however the ones
named on the maps are not necessarily the same actual roads that are named<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">The roads included on the map
are more general in their shape, direction and length than the actual roads.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Stylised maps are more artists impressions
of the city than a map. It they were printed on boxes of breakfast cereal they
would include the disclaimer “suggestion only”. Perfect time to hire a vehicle
and drive on the right-hand side of the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDciS8eq6geKbbHSTgBRBx_vwGF3qg4NpYMDo22gRArtD3_mzqJ7wojphrUxClcpTisCRNQio13OdnO_YSieofuT14kZP2rFw1vIoPYB5J4Nl-0TsXiBuNoCHUwrWLSvLDzpEJEOizhpk/s1600/Pasteis+de+Belem+and+GoCar-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDciS8eq6geKbbHSTgBRBx_vwGF3qg4NpYMDo22gRArtD3_mzqJ7wojphrUxClcpTisCRNQio13OdnO_YSieofuT14kZP2rFw1vIoPYB5J4Nl-0TsXiBuNoCHUwrWLSvLDzpEJEOizhpk/s200/Pasteis+de+Belem+and+GoCar-4.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pastéis de Belém and GoCar</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I drove to Belem, a coastal region brimming with 25 historic sites
and museums. The highlight was fresh Portuguese custard tarts straight from the
oven at Pastéis de Belém. They are always straight from the oven (in their
hundreds) because they are so good there is usually a line down the street.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">My vehicle of choice for this journey was a
GoCar. The is a vehicle that is half car, half motorbike and Nana’s
gopher/scooter and comes complete with its own GPS directions and commentary.
It was a silly as it was scary. That said the driving was largely uneventful
except for two separate and unrelated incidents. I did manage to drive over my
own foot and did need to be rescued in the end.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I was also pick-pocketed at some point on this driving /pastry
adventure. Thanks to my fool proof security measures all that Fagan acquired
was about €1.40 in change and a sachet of icing sugar left over from the
custard tarts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOda1H7TkwLML9H22vFQXywfcvCplJWx7zkMnmdvAeDl_5bg-sZfR6OH_88mGcqPyBTYelNIodYaFALrRpKFIXdJ3rTtNy5gpTVXjVinqABRTHnTKKVYDKhPEgeQIM35UNHfS3V2b4Zis/s1600/Lj+Buodi+Estacao-3-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOda1H7TkwLML9H22vFQXywfcvCplJWx7zkMnmdvAeDl_5bg-sZfR6OH_88mGcqPyBTYelNIodYaFALrRpKFIXdJ3rTtNy5gpTVXjVinqABRTHnTKKVYDKhPEgeQIM35UNHfS3V2b4Zis/s200/Lj+Buodi+Estacao-3-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1755 earthquake</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Lisbon suffered a major earthquake in 1755,
arguably one of the most destructive earthquakes ever. According to all of the
local museums and historic sites Lisbon’s history can be divided into two
parts, before the quake and after the quake. Now my Portuguese is not great so
something may have been lost in translation however, according to all of the
museums and commentaries, it appears that everything before the quake was in
some way responsible for the quake and every event after is as a direct result
of the quake.</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-no-proof: yes;"> </span><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">The 1910 revolution leading to
Portugal first becoming a republic – caused by the quake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">The brutal Salazar dictatorship
from 1933 to it being overthrown in 1974 – both directly caused by the quake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1QGmhdNEPx56wjMATl04lEV9tQ6NCxil6VtJ7S0cnaHigUKqQJues7mfUd7m2duKc4c9JQw5OfTt29GlprB4bopqXKf_wzIJSgBC9xjA1IlfEU6vLM7pvLo6aHy9sFd2XBu6SPrnBmRI/s1600/Alley+night+%2528B%2526W%2529-2-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1QGmhdNEPx56wjMATl04lEV9tQ6NCxil6VtJ7S0cnaHigUKqQJues7mfUd7m2duKc4c9JQw5OfTt29GlprB4bopqXKf_wzIJSgBC9xjA1IlfEU6vLM7pvLo6aHy9sFd2XBu6SPrnBmRI/s320/Alley+night+%2528B%2526W%2529-2-1.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lisbon stairs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">The embarrassment of scoring no
points in the 1997 Eurovision Song Contest – caused by and as disastrous as the
quake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The earthquake was so devastating that all
of the Portuguese people including the royal family had to assist in rebuilding
the city. That said, King Jóse I contributed by building himself a few adjoined
huts, lining their interiors with velvet and refusing to leave until his death
some 15months later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Castelo de Sao Jorge is on top of a hill…Lisbon is a city of seven
hills so to be fair everything is at the top of a hill. Stepping inside is like
entering a scene from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Game of Thrones</i>.
GoT producers do find the castles of the wider region quite Moorish. Perhaps
why the reason they keep attacking cities and taking over the castles is really
about the profits from the obligatory gift shops.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjURyXPPZCH2H9VC1_wxNJsvhDJyqG0ZUPui4Vk4_HwpYHTVIrcbOw8CIx2J9YVwhYY1zAKNBznhxLTeRCY4BL9mw0cNCYOBJ3sOnSkormMAMODCY9T-mPgW-PYtcD1YzK8oy5nEFNyEO0/s1600/Entrance+bridge-2-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjURyXPPZCH2H9VC1_wxNJsvhDJyqG0ZUPui4Vk4_HwpYHTVIrcbOw8CIx2J9YVwhYY1zAKNBznhxLTeRCY4BL9mw0cNCYOBJ3sOnSkormMAMODCY9T-mPgW-PYtcD1YzK8oy5nEFNyEO0/s200/Entrance+bridge-2-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Castelo de Sao Jorge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Like many castles and palaces in the region
Sao Jorge is built on the grounds of a former Islamic site.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out of all of the daily household items
created, what is it about water vessels that make the main if not only remnants
to be discovered in archaeological digs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Lisbonites throughout history, starting
with the <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Moors,</span><span style="color: red;"> </span>like a good tile. Lisbonians have not limited their
use to the bathroom or even the interior of a building. Many Lisbonese building
exteriors are also c</span>overed
in decorative tiles. Less decorative, but the Lisbonish footpaths are also
paved with small tiles. Maybe National Tiles’ own Alan Walker is a Lisbian.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitkx2zOmyPec-Vn8pP_BOfKRjLexiLsjt-ArW-ekBAIdDrfB-Tb7FuJWO95lYH5e8IeCbCLi6yp5hvMTHROOWznFkD3IIiIlei60JKcSoXt2uPhNuVxL3TJhlvjs1TEgpKGO90mshhtPw/s1600/Washing-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitkx2zOmyPec-Vn8pP_BOfKRjLexiLsjt-ArW-ekBAIdDrfB-Tb7FuJWO95lYH5e8IeCbCLi6yp5hvMTHROOWznFkD3IIiIlei60JKcSoXt2uPhNuVxL3TJhlvjs1TEgpKGO90mshhtPw/s320/Washing-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nothing says Lisbon like washing on the line</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">During my stay Lisbon was celebrating its
annual festival Festas de Lisboa. One of Portugal’s national dishes is salted
cod. Another is sardines. During the festival one restaurant was boating its
special Festas dish, grilled sardines served with cabbage soup. This city knows
how to party! Lisbon is also very fond of pastries. There are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a lot</i> of pastry shops and bakeries.
Freak family tradition is to frequent bakeries freakuently whilst on holidays
and who am I to break such a tradition. Also, I wish to show that I am
culturally sensitive so visit a bakery at least once a day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-14408261050018823502016-06-23T13:04:00.000+10:002016-06-23T13:04:54.941+10:00Seville<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Flying economy with Vueling Airlines is a
long way from first class with Emirates. The two hour delay prior to take off
was not a good start. The only explanations given were;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">It takes a long time to
organise a plane for flying<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-GB">The airport is a busy place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Given that this was not Vueling Airlines
maiden flight I would have thought that these two issues would have been
considered when creating the flight schedule.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Also there did not seem to be any
imperative to actually check luggage, regardless of size or number of bags –
never challenge a Vueling flight attendant to a game of Tetris.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The builders of Seville can sure build a
palace or a cathedral but they sure can’t plan a city. Where Melbourne prides
itself on the few laneways it has hidden amongst its grid of semi major
arterials, Seville has done the opposite. There are a few main roads and the
rest is a web of lanes and narrow alleys.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8BuVEI1Y7WFLJVDVCTwBb2Xst5yNagEXsTbjYdSoa7heiBHBhLMw48YYlcIOfXnmXcKsTcqX9UE13Q_iPZYqeWcgQszpa-mrWS-0Kz0SU4XI1udpBdaKeVQ-Udk0Jqbqd6cf5qwTuPpg/s1600/Plaza+de+Espana-6-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8BuVEI1Y7WFLJVDVCTwBb2Xst5yNagEXsTbjYdSoa7heiBHBhLMw48YYlcIOfXnmXcKsTcqX9UE13Q_iPZYqeWcgQszpa-mrWS-0Kz0SU4XI1udpBdaKeVQ-Udk0Jqbqd6cf5qwTuPpg/s320/Plaza+de+Espana-6-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Plaza de Espana</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The alleys were clearly designed in the
time of horses and carts as that is all that can fit. Which might be why there
are so many horses drawn carriages. In other cities I would say they are quaint
tourist attractions. In Seville I think the horse/carriage combination is still
a legitimate form of transport.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Seville has taken alfresco dining to a
whole new level, so restaurants do not even have an inside. All dining is on
the street…with the horses. Sevillians also love tapas. Tapas and pizza appears
to be the only cuisines available, and even pizza can come in tapas size
servings, that’s because everything on a menu can be served in a tapas portion
size. No-one orders a main. Ordering a main in Seville would be as confusing to
a waiter as not ordering fries is t o a waiter in New York. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Seville is very flat, and extremely walk-able. Sure you have to
wander endlessly through a myriad of intersecting lanes and through countless
squares but everything is no more than 10 minutes walk from the next place to
visit, and there is so many secrets to discover along the way. It is also a
great way to work off the limitless tapas and wine that cost €3 a bottle (nice
wine too – none of the cheap stuff).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Original Seville wall</td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Seville was once surrounded by a wall as,
as were many other European cities. It was the first line of defence against
other kingdoms who might try to invade and conquer the land. Of course the wall
failed, with the city ruled by the Romans then the Visgoths (German goths), the
Muslims and then the Castilian Christians. There was also an internal
rebellion. At best the wall slowed them down a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Seville’s road layout is a much better
defence than any wall. Armies could get lost for hours just trying to find the
palace to invade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">For those considering constructing walls,
learn from history. They are expensive, hard to defend and they fail. The
Berlin wall, fail. The ice wall in the north, fail. The Chinese wall,
fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last one is even considered to
be a great wall…but it still failed. When walls fail they also have a tendency
to signal the end for the ruler of the day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The Alcazar of Seville, the royal palace is
as expansive as it is ornate. Similar to the city in which it is situated to
the untrained eye the palace is a series of corridors, courtyards and rooms
designed to confound guests. The palace also shows the artistic and
architectural influences of rulers with Christian motifs sitting in harmony
amongst Islamic symbols atop Roman pillars and arches. The designs sit in
harmony together and in fact enhance each other’s beauty and elegance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cathedral - Seville</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cathedral ceiling</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Seville is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very </i>Catholic
city, it was infamously the seat of the Inquisition. The Inquisition museum,
which was the castle, or more accurately the foundations of the castle in which
the inquisitors lived and the “trials” occurred. The museum really just talks
about the rooms in the castle and their historic use, with only the slightest
hint of the brutality and vindictive nature of the activities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">None of the audio or visual display worked,
and looked like they have been in a state of disrepair for quite some time. It
is like Seville does not want anyone inquiring unjustly into its past. Ironic
really.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB">Cristo de la Expiracion bridge<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Seville does
like a church and a monastery. Despite being home to the largest gothic-style
cathedral (and third largest church) in the world it has a lot of other
religious buildings. Maybe it was the fear of the Inquisition, where not even a
personal reference from the Pope himself was necessarily enough to prove one
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lives of the architect, builder and owner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Seville is also bang up for a bridge. With a population of
approximately 700,000 in a space that only take 3hours to circumnavigate on
foot it has nine bridges. There is only one river and it is only on the western
side of the city. Must be somehow connected to all of the horse and carts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-2604376799232885252016-06-22T18:09:00.002+10:002016-06-22T18:09:35.181+10:00Barcelona<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkoSfN_BMzWaTOzwP1zkrDZ7D-rcC7jr1PsHFaxwNsk5d-46Fd5QBrpyAzryYOvqk9JwwcVE3oUpIw2XZgU0Rbf0NsNY-nl1qSZU13JaMdstQ2BhU8fstuhh8YhmKxnyI-_xgGRoZqrd0/s1600/Jamon+Experience-3-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkoSfN_BMzWaTOzwP1zkrDZ7D-rcC7jr1PsHFaxwNsk5d-46Fd5QBrpyAzryYOvqk9JwwcVE3oUpIw2XZgU0Rbf0NsNY-nl1qSZU13JaMdstQ2BhU8fstuhh8YhmKxnyI-_xgGRoZqrd0/s200/Jamon+Experience-3-1.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jamon Experience</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">In my travels abroad I have learned many things. In southern Africa
I learned that African time is real. At Westminster Choir College, Princeton
New Jersey I learned that the letter “T” is an event. In Barcelona I learned
that ham (jamon) is an experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">There is a ham museum “Jamon Experience”
with an amazing audio visual display on the creation of Iberian ham. The
raising of the pig and the preparation of the meat boils down to a rule of two.
The pigs graze for two years eating acorns in paddocks, the legs are then
salted for two weeks before being dried for two years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Interestingly in the display there was no
mention of the killing of the pig, I can only imagine that the two hind legs
when ripe just simply fall off for gathering and another two legs grow in their
place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The taste testing (including a couple of
glass of wine or beer) was amazing, yes it was an experience! Six different
grades and flavours of ham – whatever is served at Christmas dinner around the
world, in comparison is in no way ham.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDJVHqQYAsXrulK_DOJ90au5GUyc7SDhKJrVorElHVCpzpk7Pj5PfbdSrMtqpoKMrE8v6tWJfmtno60Hczs9x4r0s4NUhsDjMo5yzsNh0gz5OFebx0wAbNK9haPwab0FHC0KO-gyC7rbY/s1600/Chimneys-2-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDJVHqQYAsXrulK_DOJ90au5GUyc7SDhKJrVorElHVCpzpk7Pj5PfbdSrMtqpoKMrE8v6tWJfmtno60Hczs9x4r0s4NUhsDjMo5yzsNh0gz5OFebx0wAbNK9haPwab0FHC0KO-gyC7rbY/s200/Chimneys-2-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Casa Batllo chimneys</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTdKKAVn5zFxqQeuua3onnUHlQkctXyl37YPTf352mVMnHIF1yg-xaALxeGNW8E3vT3rh6AEi8L7q-SVQWLa0qE0Bi_ccC236MK7YxbFJizwG9hIpqiAdhCc48qu1EG6YvRDdEenRMflg/s1600/Lightwell-3-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTdKKAVn5zFxqQeuua3onnUHlQkctXyl37YPTf352mVMnHIF1yg-xaALxeGNW8E3vT3rh6AEi8L7q-SVQWLa0qE0Bi_ccC236MK7YxbFJizwG9hIpqiAdhCc48qu1EG6YvRDdEenRMflg/s200/Lightwell-3-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Light-well Casa Batllo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Gaudi is a revered artist and architect
with good reason. The buildings are truly ground breaking in his creation of
self-sustainable technologies and visually spectacular. His use of colours,
shape and form are unsurpassed. That said, judging by his fluid lines he was
either was substance affected or vision impaired. The third option; Gaudi is in
fact Dr Seus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">My brain was created sans compass leaving me with no sense of
direction</span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1042510673483065535#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol;">*</span></span></span></a><span lang="EN-GB">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may even be eligible for supports through
the new National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) as it is an impairment that
is permanent and stops me from doing everyday things by myself. Upon visiting
Parc del Laberint d’Horta I have discovered one advantage. I can solve mazes
very quickly. Whilst other <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUFPRd3rzkz1l5uODKcYgVSVmu5lbgT1K0wxQLklBgW9ddJQGNP1XL7g3V1786GKHCqQexEmXhT6tudwzFYnR-5HB0fEv5ua4OzWoKMFqeEe8DPvGnOhXXROCguRO1nv5qt-1iSnycQbY/s1600/Placa+Dels+Lleons-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUFPRd3rzkz1l5uODKcYgVSVmu5lbgT1K0wxQLklBgW9ddJQGNP1XL7g3V1786GKHCqQexEmXhT6tudwzFYnR-5HB0fEv5ua4OzWoKMFqeEe8DPvGnOhXXROCguRO1nv5qt-1iSnycQbY/s200/Placa+Dels+Lleons-1.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Parc del Laberint d'Horta</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
people get confused as the zig-zag through a series
of dead ends, switch-backs and endless intersections, my mind is already well
accustomed. Armed with a sense of tranquil serenity I was calmly make my way to
the centre of the maze and easily out the other side. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I am constantly amused and bemused by
American tourists and their inability to comprehend that other countries are
different from the Unites States. They have different architecture, different
culture and different food. This seems to create a sense of bewilderment
bordering on disdain. “Why are the buildings so different?” How do they
understand each other if they do not speak English?” “I can’t tell how much
anything is because there is no President on the money”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUwTrnhCVT3VO-2AaduyphlNkOjiH0j3-7wBrUdEGW1k9LQqufx2Qf1_lklM20mJOTIIFZDb6cqwW3Ox303cl1LRJx89SBD5YwwgX4PmntzCZeqlJw0xodTrCUZHF-bS6k1avd1YlfmHQ/s1600/Av+Del+Portal+del+l%2527Angel-5-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUwTrnhCVT3VO-2AaduyphlNkOjiH0j3-7wBrUdEGW1k9LQqufx2Qf1_lklM20mJOTIIFZDb6cqwW3Ox303cl1LRJx89SBD5YwwgX4PmntzCZeqlJw0xodTrCUZHF-bS6k1avd1YlfmHQ/s200/Av+Del+Portal+del+l%2527Angel-5-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Placa de Catalunya</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I sat and listened to four American aged in the late 50s discuss
where they were going to eat lunch. In a city where Alfresco dining is plentiful
with an amazing array of Tapas and food from across Europe I was keep to hear
recommendations. I was disappointed. The two couples were earnestly debating
the virtues of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Burger King </i>verses <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Starbucks</i>. For those keen to know the
answer it was the former because it would be cheaper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh well why I have food that is fresh and
flavoursome when you could eat mass produced sugary food by-products. It does
make me wonder what Americans think of Australia’s Aborigines. Just how did
this culture survive well over 40,000 years without SUVs and soft drink served
in buckets?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNhEhqXofcvwMZeqlGgsEL3IGzZGUZ0g4V0mHQt5SugsqsdmyKuc-eT4v_v7qge-RCYSqt9oGe8a6BTTFS4kaT0xWoAxCqi7L8C5LwcIj4F7C8bHW9RLY4ssOzj41zfdJMYgSLkzvQDM/s1600/La+Catedral+ceiling+and+columns-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNhEhqXofcvwMZeqlGgsEL3IGzZGUZ0g4V0mHQt5SugsqsdmyKuc-eT4v_v7qge-RCYSqt9oGe8a6BTTFS4kaT0xWoAxCqi7L8C5LwcIj4F7C8bHW9RLY4ssOzj41zfdJMYgSLkzvQDM/s200/La+Catedral+ceiling+and+columns-1.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">La Catedral</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Talking of food, tapas in Spain is nothing
like tapas in Melbourne. Surprise! It is cheaper, the portions are bigger and
the food is much more flavoursome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
the sangrias… served in sizes Americans can understand. After a litre of
sangria for lunch the concept of a siesta makes a lot more sense. And there is
a chocolate museum!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It was the Spaniard who introduced the
cocoa bean to the wide world, specifically their religious leaders. The traditional
hot chocolate is so good and nourishing that it was the one thing priest were
allowed to consume it during periods of fasting. The nuns were the ones who
first added sugar. The Spanish serve it hot, rich and thick. So thick that
there is an active choice to either chew or drink it. Traditionally it is
served with bizcocho, a light sponge biscuit for dipping. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">With it being of such religious
significance the church should consider changing the elements of communion to
hot chocolate with bizcocho, instead of wine and wafers. More people would
attend church.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[endif]-->
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1042510673483065535#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol;">*</span></span></span></a><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> To read more about my directional
disability visit </span><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://anotherfreakin.blogspot.com.es/2016/05/get-lost.html"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">http://anotherfreakin.blogspot.com.es/2016/05/get-lost.html</span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-9882878246286691932016-06-21T21:33:00.001+10:002016-06-21T21:33:20.471+10:00Its all class - Emirates first class<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I have recently had the opportunity to fly first class from Australia to Spain. This journey is approximately 26 hours in the air so why not first class. I entered my chauffer driven town car at
2.30pm, precisely the time it was booked to take me to Melbourne Airport for my
first class Emirates flights through to Barcelona. It would also mark the time
that I was no longer Darren Freak but rather “Sir”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The only exception to this was a flight
attendant who decided that my last name was the perfect opener to a
conversation where the primary objective was to hit on me. Finally my last name
has a benefit!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">First class with Emirates means no queues
at check in, border control or boarding. The Priority Pass gets you not only to
the front of the line but all the way through without breaking stride.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFWmlGH-l7WA2eheJH1ZgpKZ4T-pklQvUrC2C4wH4UmDZSfLw7ublGQQFC2DTjsmRKiYC1lZYFQwMEdQ1ZV7AYIbBMryv_p5z9Ei1TS8cBQtMWltbn93XkOZdWbqk-LgVgRHWmjTisjuQ/s1600/Melbourne+lounge-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFWmlGH-l7WA2eheJH1ZgpKZ4T-pklQvUrC2C4wH4UmDZSfLw7ublGQQFC2DTjsmRKiYC1lZYFQwMEdQ1ZV7AYIbBMryv_p5z9Ei1TS8cBQtMWltbn93XkOZdWbqk-LgVgRHWmjTisjuQ/s200/Melbourne+lounge-7.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Melbourne first class lounge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYZr2AG31tZAIPtiE9QEsepM4YxP6mG9WzPLsiMlCxAyRaD_ek0M2_cjijtrBNZ3bE-Q1gn9hQtD4ejTLMVzVOCH6lSoCZjIAvJA8bHlV7B4fxuHFZMIj7UVOCEyvTkyOG10GhR1pjyws/s1600/Melbourne+buffet+2-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYZr2AG31tZAIPtiE9QEsepM4YxP6mG9WzPLsiMlCxAyRaD_ek0M2_cjijtrBNZ3bE-Q1gn9hQtD4ejTLMVzVOCH6lSoCZjIAvJA8bHlV7B4fxuHFZMIj7UVOCEyvTkyOG10GhR1pjyws/s200/Melbourne+buffet+2-10.jpg" width="174" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Melbourne first class buffet</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The first class lounge was empty which lead
to me getting A LOT of personalised service. Coupled with complimentary top
shelf wines and spirits and quality food this was the most enjoyable 2hours I
have ever spent waiting for a flight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I selected steak, chicken, couscous,
sautéed vegetables, cheese, and chocolates… and did I mention the alcohol? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Upon boarding Sir was ushered to his pod at
which point all of the first class cabin crew introduced themselves and
presented me with an essential item for the flight; Dom Perignon champagne,
leather toiletries bag (deodorant, shaver with cream, toothpaste and brush,
cologne and male perfumes), pyjamas, a basket of nibbles, slippers, newspapers,
magazines, hot scented towel and more champagne. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8-jebmUDscZ-h0BieYRav4dF2oSrV7sF0potJsgsZqj-XanCfbFWrpBkMPxQBHklJbnPBu1A5pzH6wXZ42zfCmyxlosWsKq0sP90dh1U2uBFKuCENFuRiLCorL3SgQjY4miAbnZlwVpY/s1600/Dom+Perignon+and+nuts-26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8-jebmUDscZ-h0BieYRav4dF2oSrV7sF0potJsgsZqj-XanCfbFWrpBkMPxQBHklJbnPBu1A5pzH6wXZ42zfCmyxlosWsKq0sP90dh1U2uBFKuCENFuRiLCorL3SgQjY4miAbnZlwVpY/s200/Dom+Perignon+and+nuts-26.jpg" width="152" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dom Perignon</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Just before take off there is the offer of
a shot or Arabic coffee and stuffed dates, apparently it is important to
Emirates that regular bowel movements are maintained during the long haul
flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now understand why it tales so
long for a plane to take off after boarding. It has nothing to do with readying
the aircraft and cross-checks it is about pampering first class passengers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="page-break-after: avoid;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Only four of the fourteen first class pods
were occupied so again the service was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very
</i>attentive if not just to keep all of the staff occupied. And then of course
there was special attention from the attendant who thought my surname was
interesting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Then there were the instructions, how to
operate the seat, the leather seat. Yes the seat has enough functions that a
tutorial is required. The multi-setting massage function was a welcome
surprise. The 200 channel flat screen television, the personal mini bar, the
writing material – with on board Wifi, in 2016 I am not sure who is penning a
handwritten letter, though the pen itself makes a nice souvenir. Then there is
the menu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigFxSjdnQN9LKVYW8t1ba9kwFgmeLd7UiKziWHHprg3AWt94iX5GeCKpp4ob6riYg1D5KQoDsJUQ7KtoNmiuzadUUfktllqV7EdnGeo2uqxfPAXgejULxV-hozxCp-OXlTMzwK1OCEAu8/s1600/First+class+suites.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigFxSjdnQN9LKVYW8t1ba9kwFgmeLd7UiKziWHHprg3AWt94iX5GeCKpp4ob6riYg1D5KQoDsJUQ7KtoNmiuzadUUfktllqV7EdnGeo2uqxfPAXgejULxV-hozxCp-OXlTMzwK1OCEAu8/s200/First+class+suites.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emirates first class pods</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3E863uHli0fqcvo84Kj-TBDC7AbPSYQf7lqKpcB_ImiyhrJKetClyfC0sLi9s5zLp7osJWWgMya9WMscTJLVuErW17tcbuw46wNx0Sky6a8pvjrB2DgDLgyz_rZndggACzsYdOyQB7Oo/s1600/Minibar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3E863uHli0fqcvo84Kj-TBDC7AbPSYQf7lqKpcB_ImiyhrJKetClyfC0sLi9s5zLp7osJWWgMya9WMscTJLVuErW17tcbuw46wNx0Sky6a8pvjrB2DgDLgyz_rZndggACzsYdOyQB7Oo/s200/Minibar.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">personal mini-bar</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Everything in the pod, including the privacy doors, electronic
window shades and three different lights can be controlled from the
tablet-style control panel. It can take a good 30 minutes for Sir to
familiarise himself with the capabilities of his pod.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">As soon as the seatbelt sign is switched
off attendants arrive with the twelve page menu including more alcohol,
appetisers, entrees, mains, desserts and - for those who are still hungry -
light snacks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Sir skipped the appetisers. For entrée I had the Arabic mezze
consisting of 4 different dips, artichokes, stuffed vine leaves, lamb kibbeh,
cheese sambousek, spinach fatayer, cherry tomatoes, pastries and five different
types of bread. For an appetiser it is filling. The quantity resembles the
spread that would be put out to welcome guests to a small dinner party, or an
average individual American.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRfOzi3PiKhzhrJtdgs6chwMobvKCQ6_Evz758zrlat8vopH9wbEssGSQl3T3D0u8EYQKHrzndQELgP2qJ8qG2tYeXoEJJNOqahUwh6iwWkjF3R5CeqR7CbKxj15qwP7SEuEicO-ljfXE/s1600/Arabic+Mezze-27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRfOzi3PiKhzhrJtdgs6chwMobvKCQ6_Evz758zrlat8vopH9wbEssGSQl3T3D0u8EYQKHrzndQELgP2qJ8qG2tYeXoEJJNOqahUwh6iwWkjF3R5CeqR7CbKxj15qwP7SEuEicO-ljfXE/s200/Arabic+Mezze-27.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Arabic mezze</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span><br /><span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It is to be noted that the tray table is
not in any way a tray. It is a table. Big enough to warrant a linen table cloth
when the endless parade of food is served.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span><br /><span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Grilled chicken with roast potatoes, steamed carrots and beans for
main accompanied by a glass of 2000 Chateau Montrose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a more modest portion size. All
delicious. Then topped this off with a chocolate and caramel dome. A
mousse/cake mound with a caramel sauce centre served with a raspberry coulis
and an accompanying glass of 2005 Chateau d’Yquem dessert wine. This could be
one of the best desserts I have ever had. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Of course the 21 year old Chivas Regal
Royal Salute Whisky (limited edition to celebrate the Coronation of Queen
Elizabeth 11) kept coming, each time with a serve of warm salted nuts. What man
does not like his nuts warm and salty?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It goes without saying that all of the
beverages are served in quality glassware with alcohol served from real bottles
– no little plastic replicas in first class. The food all served on fine bone china
with metal cutlery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSNAjyCkXLLs0qnTxH3HH4pnFe7ON4Yjd-xvtMyXiU65K1S1-zuP1xS49GUIujiy2ZziBvZq8VMi8TxUY2vLzQ4meE7ngkmVQ08MFDiA7GIdV2QgXd8AIb5aY26T_ZBTkb0KsMP4guaXs/s1600/Onboard+bathroom+and+shower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSNAjyCkXLLs0qnTxH3HH4pnFe7ON4Yjd-xvtMyXiU65K1S1-zuP1xS49GUIujiy2ZziBvZq8VMi8TxUY2vLzQ4meE7ngkmVQ08MFDiA7GIdV2QgXd8AIb5aY26T_ZBTkb0KsMP4guaXs/s200/Onboard+bathroom+and+shower.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First class shower</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">For first class, there is an on-board shower. And, yes, Sir would
like to avail himself of this service before changing into his pyjamas. It is a
point of frustration when a on board shower is larger than Sir’s own shower at
home. On returning to my pod my bed had been made up for me complete with a mattress
and a duvet for a few hours sleep, drift off to the realisation that the cabin
ceiling is covered in tiny twinkling lights replicating the night sky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span><br /><span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">A brief one hour stop in Singapore first
class lounge which is just enough time for a hot chocolate some cheese and a
brownie. It is to be noted that the Singapore and Melbourne lounges are almost
identical, just like any “new” estate developed by a land lease company.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Boarding the plane for the Singapore -
Dubai leg of my journey it all starts again. I now have two toilet bags, two
sets of pyjamas, two baskets of nibbles and two Emirates biros. If only I ever
hand wrote things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO6KpHoxfWgroVSf7dc3IodS2NFNFPOmQVivx-YNilEM_f8jeRU-pcHxjVfEi5kSciBkQYsET4XbXKAibGKPc5ii-slgK310QYqsKcgzKPrlXu2fKPu3wFB5HTxgacU1GegWOcCVzpkcM/s1600/Chocolate+and+caramel+dome-29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO6KpHoxfWgroVSf7dc3IodS2NFNFPOmQVivx-YNilEM_f8jeRU-pcHxjVfEi5kSciBkQYsET4XbXKAibGKPc5ii-slgK310QYqsKcgzKPrlXu2fKPu3wFB5HTxgacU1GegWOcCVzpkcM/s200/Chocolate+and+caramel+dome-29.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chocolate mousse mound with caramel centre</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Having already eaten a full dinner bigger
than the weekly rations the Australian government provides refugees in its
off-shore processing centres I selected a light snack on the second flight – a
chicken pie. Sir had to wait 15-20 minutes for this order as the food is cooked
to order – with sincerest apologies. As everyone knows there is a separate
stomach specifically for desserts, so Sir chose the selection of pastries
consisting of a pistachio japonaise, two fruit tartlets and a slice of cheese
cake, with a glass of Taylors 40year old tawny port from Douro Portugal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Dubai first class lounge is different from its cousins in Melbourne
and Singapore. First of all it is lager than some airports with couches some
bigger than a single bed. There is a separate dining room and a massage/spa
centre. The general are also has two fountains<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>AND a still water feature. Full buffet continental or hot breakfast (or
both) – amazing croissant! There is alcohol available in a very strict non
alcohol consuming country which begs the question why was there no bacon?<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7LmlsjKw285tuhouijtJaeGcQ6D2TBykavd4R7QG8nNo00J_OBOiEIICQUYDVUfeOrpeYtkjgtweFhAQ5NL8X8cc83b2_IZjQtBpE9Ce_iajkUyfCO0CWcrQPbFscSx7_t5d5Rkf1NJA/s1600/Stairs+and+bar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7LmlsjKw285tuhouijtJaeGcQ6D2TBykavd4R7QG8nNo00J_OBOiEIICQUYDVUfeOrpeYtkjgtweFhAQ5NL8X8cc83b2_IZjQtBpE9Ce_iajkUyfCO0CWcrQPbFscSx7_t5d5Rkf1NJA/s200/Stairs+and+bar.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">onboard entrance to first class</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7uPfQImVPu-E_au9h8wiTlEdyljfHnHN7IaNj2EbvZNtRqvJpb7JGM820Zok6s4k6g527p-NNflUmAlRHE4xVmMrONI9Io59uZ9a9PpZKpKlXaoxHuY_i0xXMMsFUc9BYYskKS2W4_xM/s1600/Dubai+lounge+seating+and+water+feature.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7uPfQImVPu-E_au9h8wiTlEdyljfHnHN7IaNj2EbvZNtRqvJpb7JGM820Zok6s4k6g527p-NNflUmAlRHE4xVmMrONI9Io59uZ9a9PpZKpKlXaoxHuY_i0xXMMsFUc9BYYskKS2W4_xM/s200/Dubai+lounge+seating+and+water+feature.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dubai first class lounge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Upon boarding for the final leg of this journey to Barcelona Sir had
to briefly mingle with commoners at the gate before being called to board
first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time we all entered through
the main cabin door and then ascended the stairs. Sir had the very first suite
which gave great pleasure watching the faces of business class passengers faces
change from one of quiet smugness as the also climbed the stairs to the dimming
in the eyes as they walk through what the first class cabin and realise that
they are getting better but not the best. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Being in the first seat, although exciting
in its own right does mean that the suite is approximately 20cm narrower to the
suites from the third row back. They are all just over 2m long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More Dom Perignon and more Chivas Regal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis36Gbws3u8vsSjM9RK5QB7xKj86aAZeGCXn8T6Wzaf1NAnVmc2OjMEgzl7peZgJkgkVmL-Zv1OrV9WMJ_ifdlfM4YBC9VlI5_yv9twlfJ71DlXqpqLZ-kZ94PHxpA2nNEBOtmVi73jCI/s1600/Braised+beef+cheek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis36Gbws3u8vsSjM9RK5QB7xKj86aAZeGCXn8T6Wzaf1NAnVmc2OjMEgzl7peZgJkgkVmL-Zv1OrV9WMJ_ifdlfM4YBC9VlI5_yv9twlfJ71DlXqpqLZ-kZ94PHxpA2nNEBOtmVi73jCI/s200/Braised+beef+cheek.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Braised beef cheek</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">For lunch Sir selected the chicken and sun
dried tomato tapende with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a mushroom
salad with peppers and fennel entrée followed by braised veal cheek with mashed
potato carrots, beans<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and horseradish,
with a side of 4 different breads including fresh toasted garlic bread. This
was by far my favourite main and well worth the 25 minute wait for it to be
prepared. The accompanying wine was Sarget de Gruaud Larose 2003 from Bordeaux
France – a very light and smooth wine with a hint of red wine on the palate and
after tones of yummmmmmm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">For desert Sir had the chocolate and
apricot pudding and another glass of 2005 Chateau d’Yquem dessert wine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">A sneaky 2 hour sleep and another shower.</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-no-proof: yes;"> </span><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">On arrival at Barcelona my Emirates driver
was waiting with his Mercedes resplendent in leather and timber interior
finish. No longer Sir but now “Mr Darren.” Combined, I have my new moniker – Mr
Darren, Sir. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">From apartment to hotel it was 32hours;
three flights, three lounges, at least six meals, bottomless alcohol, two
showers, two town cars and more warm nuts than any man needs Mr Darren, Sir has
arrived…having left my hotel once Mr Darren, Sir has already been lost for over
an hour.<span style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-33508462845372042862016-06-02T06:53:00.001+10:002016-06-02T06:53:30.342+10:00Selfographers<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG-CN18oXz_bVy4zMS5MzBDl5n4LbEoSpN3gvrpyDOSqPkBUoDIn6bVXcy6IYlglF-OPDNaeY24bZA6U98wkKhlMwJh0IZZm1MtDGh2rqSXKTFGQ_YgVZCtkusSSCsRZiCbFKGaBoTmEM/s1600/Selfographers-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG-CN18oXz_bVy4zMS5MzBDl5n4LbEoSpN3gvrpyDOSqPkBUoDIn6bVXcy6IYlglF-OPDNaeY24bZA6U98wkKhlMwJh0IZZm1MtDGh2rqSXKTFGQ_YgVZCtkusSSCsRZiCbFKGaBoTmEM/s320/Selfographers-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See Christopher Colombus' tomb? No, neither did they</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It is said that with the invention of
phones with in-built cameras that there will be more photographs taken this
year than previously taken in the entire history of photography.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">The camera phone has also lead to another
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photographs of either themselves of the meals they eat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Visiting tourist locations the selfographer
is easy to spot. They are the people that spend their entire time with their
back to whatever is they have travelled to see. Ironically they barely see
anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">de Vinci did not create his masterpiece
Mona Lisa to be a photo-bomb image for social media. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Sure an occasional, selective, selfie is a
good way to prove you were actually there. The emphasis is on occasional. Some
people now approach travel like a pantomime…it’s behind you. These people only
see items of historic importance, religious significance and artistic beauty on
a small screen held at arms length, or even worse at the end of a telescopic
pole held slightly above to create a strong jawline and then for some reason
smiling is not allowed, just like a football team photo. Instead selfographers
are compelled to pucker, as though they are blowing a kiss. Weirdly they are on
the screen in front of them, which means they are blowing a kiss to themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Turn around, it is right there. Take
photographs to capture the items wonder. Take lots of photographs. Despite what
selfographers believe, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is complete, Michaelangelo
did not leave a space hoping that one do someone’s travel-weary face will be
added so that it looks like God is giving them a wet-willy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-1147106326514301972016-05-22T16:41:00.000+10:002016-05-22T16:41:37.539+10:00Get Lost<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtP3HjRPQubaYmn4_tlDm9ql9yTJTKAW5ExwUzdxZ2BoPeJrcpHUhylZrzmJ0KGuw4FR6H6JAV8lq37jF4rgesRhTmvVosbUPzNaBa_MeD-3kgzEr1WUEDq1jn3Lpblb5h4BR8OVKzvRE/s1600/lost+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtP3HjRPQubaYmn4_tlDm9ql9yTJTKAW5ExwUzdxZ2BoPeJrcpHUhylZrzmJ0KGuw4FR6H6JAV8lq37jF4rgesRhTmvVosbUPzNaBa_MeD-3kgzEr1WUEDq1jn3Lpblb5h4BR8OVKzvRE/s320/lost+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a confession. I am geographically
challenged. I could get lost inside a paper bag, I say could because I would
probably struggle to locate the paper bag in the first place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Even in places that are very familiar to
me, like a shopping mall. I can be walking a long, enter a shop and then when I
come out have no idea which direction I was previously travelling. No idea at
all. I can walk over 100m before something kicks in for me and I have that
vague feeling I am backtracking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">My sense of direction is like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Google Maps</i> during an electrical storm –
it just keeps sending me off in random and often contradictory directions. Turn
Left, I mean right, turn right, it is back the other way…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Often my sense of direction is a bit inside
out, like my internal map is upside down. I am certain I need to turn left,
when in reality it should be a right turn. This is suddenly sounding very
political, and like governments I end up spending my life making U-turns.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The problem is this inside out map does not
occur all of the time, just often. 60-70% tops. That leaves 30-40% when my
instinct is correct. This leaves me with a conundrum. Am I right to turn left
or is this a time when I admit I was wrong and actually turn right. Right? Then
I start to ponder if this is just my brain trying to call my own bluff. This
can be a long a exhausting mental rabbit warren to caught trapped in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">When travelling this has some positives and
negatives. Let’s start with the negatives so we can finish on a high note.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I need to allow a lot more travel time in
unfamiliar places to factor in firstly duration of the mental debate as to
whether this is a 60% or 405 occasion. Then there is the time for the back
tracking, U-turns and general wandering around dazed hoping something familiar
just sort of miraculously pops up in front of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I can complete many circles, and unlike the
Griswalds as they circle endlessly around the Lambeth Bridge roundabout in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">European Vacation</i> my circles are not
always in the same direction and are rarely that funny.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I can pass monuments many times from very
different directions all in a sense of bewilderment that no matter what
direction I set off I end up back where I started.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Then there is the sense of panic that I
will never be able to find where I want to be nor will I ever be able to find
my way home. Getting home is worse because I can not reverse directions. A 20
minute journey to a destination can be a 90 minute journey home<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">On the upside when travelling I get to see
things I would not have otherwise have seen, sure I may see some off them many
times. Some of these things never make the guide books or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tripadvisor, </i>so a days outing can be full of surprises. Many times
these surprise findings turn out to be better than the intended destination.
Every day is an adventure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Walking down the side streets and back
alleys I also discover little shops and eateries that are designed and operated
purely for the benefits of the locals, they are part of the fabric of every day
life. I get to see places and people as they really are not just the tourist façade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The destinations are immediately much more
exciting than they otherwise would have been just thorough the sense elation
and relief felt upon actually arriving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">And I get to eat more, I have to, just to
keep up the energy for needed for the hours of walking, and I still lose
weight. And I have calves to die for!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-21510853746724057562016-05-18T13:16:00.002+10:002016-05-18T13:17:46.636+10:00Simple Pleasures<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJyh1Rq7_nwdJQsQlA7RFGUhDwwGunCrcPb_R24_Vh_s-VEHPwyZ27HlZSXxqh4P_q-YKD5GrRKh3xHNnxCebq6Kb4nkz9s42ENj4Vf_Q85MzW9s9v8gG7yDzvz7bbWZjIRzwT_AXTSzs/s1600/wrap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJyh1Rq7_nwdJQsQlA7RFGUhDwwGunCrcPb_R24_Vh_s-VEHPwyZ27HlZSXxqh4P_q-YKD5GrRKh3xHNnxCebq6Kb4nkz9s42ENj4Vf_Q85MzW9s9v8gG7yDzvz7bbWZjIRzwT_AXTSzs/s1600/wrap.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">With the
hustle and bustle and general stress of daily life we are constantly told of
ways we can unwind and detox most of which are elaborate and expensive that
requires some forward planning and organising, which in turn often adds as much
stress as they purportedly reduce.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif";">Here are some
of my simple pleasures that can be savoured and enjoyed for what they are<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">A
perfectly ripened piece of fruit, it is sweet juicy and the perfect texture,
for me it is biting into a crisp apple</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">On
the topic of food, how good is a potato? Either mashed or fried as a chip there
is something homey and satisfying</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Removing
a pair of boots, real boots like work boots, ski boots or serious hiking boots,
trendy hipster fashion boots do not count. The removal of the weight and the
releasing of the feet from the tight confines. Aaahhhhh.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Whilst
speaking of Aaaaaah. That internal feeling immediately after having a good poo.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">A
bath or shower when the water temperature is Goldilocks - just right</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Clean
sheets on the bed.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">A
warm towel straight out of the drier.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">A
beloved pet falling asleep on your lap. Sure this is difficult if your pet is a
gold fish.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">The
satisfaction when after brushing your hair on those rare days when it is perfect.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">When
your drink of choice is prepared <i>exactly </i>as
you like it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Someone
remembering your birthday without previous reminders.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Your
own pillow after time away from home.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Putting
on your favourite t-shirt</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Spending
a lazy morning in your pyjamas</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Having
an empty inbox because everything has been dealt with. Even if only for a
moment or two</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">The
sound of rain on an iron roof</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">A
friend unexpectedly calling or popping in just to say hi.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Finding
money that is already yours but had been misplaced and forgotten like $5 in a
jacket pocket.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -18pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; text-indent: -18pt;">Finally
getting that little piece of food out from between your teeth, that piece that
has driven you mad for <i>ages</i>.</span></li>
</ul>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-36855633410923340492016-05-17T12:13:00.000+10:002016-05-17T12:13:55.952+10:00Domestic death traps<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw6mpKXK2ZffyheCBPJ8pBJ1Eg4-D-1bWQ_A_SKO2ZmPNH2hvx6u7MF6WpT-gQ5Jn8mPVDG3o0F-_WY47puGVg_MEfQvVsQZ8KD5QBx2XjHcIw2eYS0oonHECmi_uLHM7DPdzuRMs4Bgw/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw6mpKXK2ZffyheCBPJ8pBJ1Eg4-D-1bWQ_A_SKO2ZmPNH2hvx6u7MF6WpT-gQ5Jn8mPVDG3o0F-_WY47puGVg_MEfQvVsQZ8KD5QBx2XjHcIw2eYS0oonHECmi_uLHM7DPdzuRMs4Bgw/s320/download.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">source: oasislifts.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have noticed a new and alarming trend in OHS practices
currently being implemented in <st1:city w:st="on">Melbourne</st1:city>’s
major shopping precincts. A practice that will make us all question our
competency as ambulatory adults and raises serious concerns about the physical
safety of all members of society when attending shopping centres and other
public spaces that are not implementing these same measures.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Escalators are breaking down, requiring servicing or
maintenance. As a result said escalators are being turned off, left stationery
where they previously conveyed unassuming passengers either up or down between
floors. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is where the dangers, lurking beneath apparently rise
to the surface.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Previously, when not operating, these escalators – now death
traps – were still accessible by the unassuming public as a standard staircase.
Despite the steps all falling within Australian standards for their height and
depth, stationery escalators always feel clumsy to negotiate compared to their moving
counterparts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was perception, when not moving an escalator does in
fact become a set of visually elaborate but functionally standard set of
ordinary steps.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not any more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Twice this month I have encountered non operating
escalators, in both the Bourke Street Mall and the QV Building that were not
accessible to the shopping public. In both cases not only was there a plastic
barriers blocking the entrance and exit to the escalator but there was also a
security officer stationed directly in front of the escalator to ensure no-one
received clandestine access to the steps.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is to be noted that in both cases the escalator steps
were all in tact, there were no gaping holes and not active maintenance crews.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The steps are too dangerous for the untrained shopper. Only
professional step-climbers with the appropriate certification, training and
experience were going to be allowed to access these steps. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stationery steps are dangerous people. Rumour has it that
stationery steps may cause cancer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At QV shoppers were directed to the fire exit to ascend from
the basement to the ground level. The fire exit that consists of stationery
steps!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fire exit that consists of stationery steps that are
narrower, steeper and more difficult to access than the stationery steps of the
escalator.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It does make me wonder which other common pieces of
infrastructure which have been trusted by millions of people without major
incident and therefore considered safe are actually unmitigated death traps
that need to be removed immediately. I do not know what will be next but I am
sure that A Current Affair/Today Tonight will soon uncover the truth and that
breakfast television shows will follow up with an outside broadcast including a
panel of experts providing the general public 5 basic tips for survival if they
encounter such hazards: How to drink from a public bubbler without drowning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-77357642202698654012016-04-26T13:34:00.000+10:002016-04-26T13:34:18.456+10:00Weight loss loyalty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMyROmwP6aYlfVh1a4sc_nmiyG-IfurTUP0NKdeX86mfpl5jGFeT657130KtG2W2ohVFC_d3EOCMksIGqqnmPvHyCiTD606VWbThgGDFQkY__eq6z64vyy8515RbBWhzHQaFlFL8QOg78/s1600/weight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMyROmwP6aYlfVh1a4sc_nmiyG-IfurTUP0NKdeX86mfpl5jGFeT657130KtG2W2ohVFC_d3EOCMksIGqqnmPvHyCiTD606VWbThgGDFQkY__eq6z64vyy8515RbBWhzHQaFlFL8QOg78/s1600/weight.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I enjoy food. Potato is one of my favourite with either
mashed or fries being my preferred ways of preparing the humble spud. Which
makes the potato gem (Tater Tots for American readers) my favourite of all time
as it combines the two into balls of fried mashed potato.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to sweets it is chocolate. Sure I may
entertain a slice of cheesecake or an apple pie every now and then but I will
always return to my dark master… the cocoa bean.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like Manu from <i>My
Kitchen Rules </i>I am also partial to a good sauce.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These things are not conducive of maintaining or even losing
weight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I exercise regularly and yes I know it is good for my
physical and mental health and I yes feel better having done it but the real
motivation for exercise is so that I can enjoy my food.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So losing weight requires a bit of discipline with both diet
and exercise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is the diet that is hardest. As I have explained I enjoy
my food and instead of going extreme full on dairy, free, sugar free, gluten
free vegan only to discover all of my meals have the flavour and consistency of
dirt I am working on the principle of “everything in moderation”. This way I also
think it has a greater chance of becoming a sustainable lifestyle choice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes I have chocolate most days. But instead of a couple of
rows from a family block (or more) per day, I now only eat a couple of squares.
I am also more selective of the types and quantities of food I consume at meal
times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That said, losing weight it hard work. I think it should be
more like airline loyalty points. People can earn points in many ways, not just
by flying. And like points, members get status credits when they do take to the
air.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the same way you lose weight in a number of ways. Substituting, milk, juice
or soft drinks for water. Not having seconds. Riding instead of driving to work.
One scoop of ice cream instead of two (and yes no scoops of ice cream might be
better still). Grilling the chicken instead of frying it. This list of ideas is
endless.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what about the status credits. There is a fresh packet
of biscuits in the lunch room at work. You know they are there, you have seen
them, they are free and yet you choose not to take one. 5 status points!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The chocolate that you are very disciplined in rationing
your consumption are just sitting there in the fridge tempting and teasing you
every time you go to get a glass of chilled water. Every time you take the
water without a companion piece of chocolate 7 -12 points depending on the
brand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You could stay snuggled up in bed all Sunday watching shows
on <i>Netflix</i> with your cat or dog
curled up next to your instead you get up and go for a walk, 15 points 920 if it’s
raining.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You come home tired and just feel like pizza. It would be
easy just to order one on line but you instead you use the 30 minutes it would
have taken for the delivery to arrive to actually make your own pizza from
fresh ingredients – with no oil and only the smallest amount of cheese – 25 points!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then when you get to 300 points you instantly lose 1 kilo.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The loyalty should be rewarded.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Substituting meat for soy product in the shape of the meat
it is replacing like tofurkey (turkey), facon (bacon) and notdogs (hotdogs) steak is not acceptable and should be
punished. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The inclusion of these products into a meal, or similar,
should nullify any other weight loss activity for that day. You could have run a
half marathon done 1000 sit ups, consumed nothing but water and kale up until the
evening meal of poserhouse steak and salad and the net result for the day is
nothing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-55694757041708963552016-04-26T10:45:00.000+10:002016-04-26T10:45:32.836+10:00Photographing Stairs<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6f1KQx_8LPacZBHaVBgWn2WDhnbLo0Yyq_H9EvW7tYRwNFu8lmhLiO_C4DrbGqwDUBiMvGNaX1mmesA9boFy9YDBy5CSP4tQje2l-ZLmoDHlmo6BVvfIvtwHShvyDRP8qnTqzEVQAs9w/s1600/Jungle+Stairs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6f1KQx_8LPacZBHaVBgWn2WDhnbLo0Yyq_H9EvW7tYRwNFu8lmhLiO_C4DrbGqwDUBiMvGNaX1mmesA9boFy9YDBy5CSP4tQje2l-ZLmoDHlmo6BVvfIvtwHShvyDRP8qnTqzEVQAs9w/s320/Jungle+Stairs.jpg" width="213" /></a>Stairs and steps are a popular subject for photography. They
provide a strong repeated pattern, offer a symmetry and lead the eye somewhere
in or through the image. Stairs, outside of a Hollywood movie are also static.
Ok so an escalator contains moving stairs but they are contained within a
stationery framework. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This provides a predictable and unvarying subject around
which a photographer can often move to explore all angles to make the most of
the shapes and the light.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let the shapes and colours of the stairs themselves guide
how the image is composed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stairs and steps are a popular subject for photography. They
provide a strong repeated pattern, offer a symmetry and lead the eye somewhere
in or through the image. Stairs, outside of a Hollywood movie are also static.
Ok so an escalator contains moving stairs but they are contained within a
stationery framework. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This provides a predictable and unvarying subject around
which a photographer can often move to explore all angles to make the most of
the shapes and the light.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let the shapes and colours of the stairs themselves guide
how the image is composed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For more information about photographing stairs visit <a href="http://www.dftours.com.au/free-photography-lessons/stairs">www.dftours.com.au/free-photography-lessons/stairs</a> </div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-20440782813520983702016-04-23T14:18:00.002+10:002016-04-23T14:18:37.704+10:00Review: Fever Pitch – The sultry story of Peggy Lee<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitRbrq4jUNGVNc7Kgwd4BflOYEretx9feo0-2aWeHrPWi4DqjYAojOv3bgfjhGCiu1p99LNoOKPGCp_kQk_LmTpuutwup-6_1TGJGyHzBN8CDVNUvvO9Rw65aojhLHvk_zQnyCzb014eg/s1600/Camilla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitRbrq4jUNGVNc7Kgwd4BflOYEretx9feo0-2aWeHrPWi4DqjYAojOv3bgfjhGCiu1p99LNoOKPGCp_kQk_LmTpuutwup-6_1TGJGyHzBN8CDVNUvvO9Rw65aojhLHvk_zQnyCzb014eg/s320/Camilla.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the inaugural solo show for
seasoned cabaret and burlesque performer, Camilla Cream. What a way to start a
solo career!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">From the moment she appears through the
black drapes in her full length gown and flapper cloche hat and radiant smile Camilla
Cream commands attention on stage. Opening with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fever </i>Cream instantly has the audience in the palm of her hands as
she warmly and enthusiastically enters into the audience encouraging them to
become part of the show – even getting one woman to get up and dance with her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Throughout the show Camilla’s honest and
disarming style , and beautiful voice which is everything you want a
jazz/cabaret performer to be keeps the audience singing and moving along with
every song.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The show is a tribute to the life and music
of one of the world’s truly great performers, Peggy Lee. The story starts at
the end telly of Lee's death then works its way backwards through her career and
personal life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are two costume
changes during the one hour show. One of which occurs whilst Camilla is on
stage – sort of. She goes behind the drapes to changes whilst regularly
sticking head back through curtain to regales interesting and entertaining
piece of Peggy Lee trivia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Camilla Cream is definitely more
comfortable and confident. when singing than she is during the spoken pieces in
the show and opening night for a new show is nerve racking for even the most
experienced performer. Having said that there is no reason she should be
nervous presenting the monologues. Her chatty style is endearing and the witty
side comments – both scripted and impromptu – garner many laughs from the
audience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Strictly a limited season, get your tickets now to ensure you do not miss this engaging and highly entertaining show.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://speakeasy-hq.com/" target="_blank">http://speakeasy-hq.com</a></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-35826795846054154222016-04-20T10:17:00.000+10:002016-04-20T10:17:14.795+10:00I'm Not-Milk Intolerant<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaZz6il6oCY05cNemOtrBAQ6TZ1ej2wbwtj5v0P15J20vjHRsp_Ze-aXRpWb96KzYZDMQeYYY_Bi8lqndE7OxCFATECtD-JJjbGFw0IH5_48PCsZkOvHkyc29JkSGlGqqHuI303AYygGE/s1600/milk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="74" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaZz6il6oCY05cNemOtrBAQ6TZ1ej2wbwtj5v0P15J20vjHRsp_Ze-aXRpWb96KzYZDMQeYYY_Bi8lqndE7OxCFATECtD-JJjbGFw0IH5_48PCsZkOvHkyc29JkSGlGqqHuI303AYygGE/s320/milk.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me clear from the start. I love milk and I have no beef
with lactose. In fact if I could have a cow in my yard plumbed directly into a
single purpose tap in my kitchen like rain water I would. I would, but weird
animal cruelty laws prevent such practice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I have no tolerance for are all of the no-milk products
falsely claiming to be milk that fill up our supermarket shelves and refrigerators.
Just being a white liquid does not a milk make.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Milk comes from the teats of female mammals for the purpose
of feeding their newborn, and for people to make thick shakes and cheese. All
mammals produce it whether it is a Cuban Solenodon an armoured pangolin. It is
to be said that some mammals are easier to milk than others, fitting a milking
machine on a field mouse is very tricky indeed and farming blue whales is near
impossible – imagine the size of the paddocks that would be required.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My complaint is with the new-age, fancy pantsy la-di-da products
that are self-titled “milk”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soy milk, is the juice or possibly the sap of a bean that
tastes like rotting wood. Mmmm yes please can I have double froth on my bean
sap cappuccino!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Almond milk, is not milk. More accurately it should be
called nut juice. I can understand from a marketing perspective that calling a
product “nut juice” my limit its selling power to a very niche market, but it
is a long way from being milk. My intolerance of almond milk is somewhat
tempered by its high sugar content. All of the health conscious, self –righteous
food snobs who are substituting real milk for this legume by product on claims
that it is some sort of super food without realise that nearly all commercially
available “almond milk” are so high in sugar that they may as well be drinking
a full cream <i> Big M</i> strawberry milk. Mmmmm milk, and it
has strawberries so it is also a serve of fruit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On reflection organic nut juice with no added sugar, would
be a hard sell. Maybe this is a new challenge for teams on the <i>Gruen</i> segment “The Pitch”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coconut milk. Right of the top this is not a nut, it is a
drupe which is a category of fruit, so we are back into the juice category. If
stirred it does have a colour and consistency that resembles milk however it
has the flavour of drinking a glass of milk in summer during the 1970s and 80s
just after oiling oneself up with <i>le Tan</i>
to get that all over bronze look. (Before we realised that treating our skin
like that of a roast chicken not only aged the skin quickly but could literally
kill you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the same way that white wine is not grape milk and liquid
paper is not ink milk, and wood glue s not sticky milk we need to stop naming
liquids “milk” just because they are white. Is that racist? It sounds racist. <o:p></o:p></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-88475770303252264892016-04-18T12:01:00.002+10:002016-04-18T12:02:23.851+10:00Not the News<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2kjrUyYKoFdVv1DYPCLJr_T0WfPoTz81qHyozPc91w9fZyiLX6pgq0eJgshrgFsCeFMz_ZxFDBoOCGcoO79Y2XKW6vsAu8Y6sy-ojwKwkFuwenpgUd3AsnyEsiD05iET_6xms_xBYo_o/s1600/gogglebox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2kjrUyYKoFdVv1DYPCLJr_T0WfPoTz81qHyozPc91w9fZyiLX6pgq0eJgshrgFsCeFMz_ZxFDBoOCGcoO79Y2XKW6vsAu8Y6sy-ojwKwkFuwenpgUd3AsnyEsiD05iET_6xms_xBYo_o/s1600/gogglebox.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That feeling when nothing is actually happening</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My great dislike of reality television stems largely from
the little amount of activity that actually occurs. The vast majority of time
in each show is spent of either describing what is about to happen, or
reminiscing about what has just occurred. Often this commentary is spliced into
the show immediately after we have just witnessed the event they are
describing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The contestants’ self-descriptive pontification is so
closely timed to the actual footage that even a goldfish would be able to
remember what happened. What is even more annoying is how the talking head
sections are also highly scripted and edited to try and create emotion and
drama when very little actually existed. We know there was little emotion and
drama because we just watched it unfold.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now there is <i>Gogglebox.
</i>It is a reality television show about people watching and (over) reacting
to other television shows. Staying true to the reality television format the “cast”
then talk about what they just watched and then reactions to it even though we
just watched them watching and reacting to the show.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is where television becomes meta, and by meta I mean
stuck up its own arse. As the <i>Gogglebox</i>
“cast” watch other reality television programs. Now we are watching someone
cooking (stop crying, baking a cake it not worth crying about) and then talking
about the experience of cooking being watched by other people who react to the
cooking said cake and the pursuant discussion who then have to discuss their
own experience of watching the person cook a cake and discuss the experiences
of making this damn cake.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As an aside, since when did making a cake have or need a
back story?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately this is not the end of the saga. On line “news”
sites now have articles about popular shows. If the argument of there just not
being enough news in the world to warrant a 24 hour news cycle it is when an
news source publishes an article commentating on people commentating on
themselves as they watch other people commenting on themselves making a cake. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In other news the Australian government has forced Jonny
Depp and Amber Heard to return to defend charges of illegally importing their
dogs Pistol and Boo, only to drop the charges once in court. Let’s hope we get
to hear commentary from the dogs themselves as they watch the court proceedings
from their pampered kennel in Meudon, France.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-80612833497014971812016-04-12T21:16:00.000+10:002016-04-12T21:17:49.301+10:00Review: Lewis Spears - They Tried to Cancel Me Last Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRBvAszp5zCy-g8rpKfargBBgo7JAbzamZ4WCV7H6sTSlcVioyfqCfjtrdWmXb7fv3GZm4w_eEqRKmXOeKpt3j0pZSeFvsz6DKtLVZhgJBrRR49olublDGFTP48QPwZKWrOR1tJlqZNC0/s1600/Lewis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRBvAszp5zCy-g8rpKfargBBgo7JAbzamZ4WCV7H6sTSlcVioyfqCfjtrdWmXb7fv3GZm4w_eEqRKmXOeKpt3j0pZSeFvsz6DKtLVZhgJBrRR49olublDGFTP48QPwZKWrOR1tJlqZNC0/s320/Lewis.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Each comedy festival I always urge people
when buying a ticket to a show for a big name artist to also try their luck on
someone they have never heard of before. Today I followed my on advice and saw
Lewis Spears. They fact that I have not heard of him before might say more
about my demographic than his performance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">From walking in the room it was obvious
that I was the odd one out. I was aged over thirty, was not wearing black and
had no facial piercings. Lewis has a huge online following, he plays to their
sensibilities and they lapped it up. Some of the audience laughed heartily from
beginning to end – one audience member laughed so much she needed a toilet
break!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The blurb on the festival website describes
Lewis as divisive. This is an accurate description. You might call him racist
until he rips into white Australia, you might call him misogynist until he also
tears apart men’s behaviour. You might consider his material homophobic and
anti-sematic until he focuses his attention to Hitler (no spoilers as to how he
addresses both topics in the one bit).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Lewis burst onto the scene after a run in
with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A Current Affair,</i> which was
taken hook line and sinker to a prank he pulled off about online trolling. His
take on online trolls and anonymous comments was my absolute favourite part of
the show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/they-tried-to-cancel-me-last-time-lewis-spears">http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/they-tried-to-cancel-me-last-time-lewis-spears</a></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-72362974446223229312016-04-12T11:37:00.000+10:002016-04-12T11:37:22.226+10:00Photographing Doors and Windows<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_B3mQBXVDOdgLqOG_VxQLLuRymVnYWeIFHUJ4o1dQVwKUTVrzRwsUqrih9saR_d5nRfp1rQ1otL_Iso2biNsPVTJ7SWIZQ6zPzms-s3G-WmqyxkfH1-NBNeZzp6UckQkTDGl-rro9-Y4/s1600/Window.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_B3mQBXVDOdgLqOG_VxQLLuRymVnYWeIFHUJ4o1dQVwKUTVrzRwsUqrih9saR_d5nRfp1rQ1otL_Iso2biNsPVTJ7SWIZQ6zPzms-s3G-WmqyxkfH1-NBNeZzp6UckQkTDGl-rro9-Y4/s320/Window.jpg" width="195" /></a>If eyes are the window to a person’s soul then windows and
doors are the, well the windows and doors to the soul of many buildings. As
such they can be an interesting photographic subject. Architecturally the
frames of a window or door create strong lines. In unusual building designs and
partially ruined structures the windows and doors (or the gaps where they once
were) create an easily identifiable and recognisable shape.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The window and doors can tell the story of the property. Their
design may show the architectural norms of when it was built or the artistic
whims of the designer. The materials used can give insight into the location
and culture. Their state of repair might portray some of the buildings history.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To learn more about photographing doors and windows and other free photography lessons visit</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.dftours.com.au/free-photography-lessons/doorswindows">www.dftours.com.au/free-photography-lessons/doorswindows</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-73901433461664586582016-04-11T11:00:00.000+10:002016-04-11T11:00:40.746+10:00No Glass - No Class<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5PiGKlXgA4Rq95MUunN0obtjEaOETF-0UNEymExgBwQwGRVNnRYU8K9RTEilFMegfhrmRiV1mFuWI6pOEGGjLiS-Q5d5ldjhRx3bEyKEAAPGoPu4Hf6pYiBAFRQoARYqk9uPfI1cOSkc/s1600/glass.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5PiGKlXgA4Rq95MUunN0obtjEaOETF-0UNEymExgBwQwGRVNnRYU8K9RTEilFMegfhrmRiV1mFuWI6pOEGGjLiS-Q5d5ldjhRx3bEyKEAAPGoPu4Hf6pYiBAFRQoARYqk9uPfI1cOSkc/s1600/glass.png" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Throughout March and April I have been fortunate to attend a
large number of live performances including numerous acts as part of the
Melbourne International Comedy Festival but also international touring acrobatic
and theatre groups. The performance venues have ranged from spaces that appear
to be converted storage cupboard in a pub attic to some of Melbourne’s grandest
theatres. All of them with liquor licences that allow people to consume alcohol
in the performance space.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The cheaper end of the venue market allow punters to take any
beverage into the theatre area in glass (bottles and glassware) yet the
expensive up market venues only allow plastic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ironically it is the audiences in the former venues that are
most likely to use the vessel as a weapon and occasionally a performance that
might illicit the launching of missiles by its audience out of sheer boredom. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why do the fancier theatres not trust their patrons with
glassware?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even more confusing is that the drinks when purchased from
the in-venue bar are served in glass vessels, because it is a classy
establishment. Only to walk across the aisle and be stopped by a vigilant
attendant who demands that the drink be in a plastic container before entering
the actual seating area. Patrons then have to either return to the very same
bar line up again waiting to be served by the very same bar tender who then
pours the exact same drink out of the glass container into a plastic one. Worse
are the venues where the door attendant merely hands a plastic cup at the door and
requires then to transfer the contents themselves before the glass container is
whisked away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not classy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is also not classy is how cheap the plastic ware
provided to patron. The general admission bar at the MCG on boxing day serves
its light beer in better plastic cups than this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A waste of time and a bigger waste of money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Purchase decent plastic ware (if we cannot be trusted to go
all Wayne Carey on the person sitting next to us) so it still looks half
decent. Then it will be only one glass required per purchase – first cost saving
– and there will be no need for an attendant at the door to treat the adults
like children who are not allowed to touch the big people things – second saving.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we buy a snack from the bar before the show or during
interval will the door attendant also cut it up into bite size pieces?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That would be classy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-2702622648911193332016-04-10T19:01:00.000+10:002016-04-10T19:01:48.039+10:00Review: Nina Conti - In Your Face<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKoqsHRsmyRVVuVug1wSVH_uRqE1U2wVOwGGlLll7Ots8WWk0ZidgIYc7Wskk_u5GODKfCG3FiarpuHnecyPAlWgPvEgLyWIsplYyNgzBO4iUZ8QBD_gW_roCV_JFt1Iorzvy-vtkU45Q/s1600/nina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKoqsHRsmyRVVuVug1wSVH_uRqE1U2wVOwGGlLll7Ots8WWk0ZidgIYc7Wskk_u5GODKfCG3FiarpuHnecyPAlWgPvEgLyWIsplYyNgzBO4iUZ8QBD_gW_roCV_JFt1Iorzvy-vtkU45Q/s320/nina.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Now a regular at the Melbourne
International Comedy Festival, Nina Conti expands on her previous concept of
fitting a ventriloquist dummy face-mask to an audience member into a full show
involving half a dozen audience members.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">The routines involving audience members
were wickedly funny. Not only does Conti demonstrate her wonderful abilities as
a ventriloquist, but an enviable skills as an improviser.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Despite having some audience participants
that were no where near as funny, talented or clever as her, Conti masterfully
wrangles them to create a truly uniquely entertaining show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Her set pieces with “Monkey” draw on some
standard ventriloquist dummy tropes but to which Conti brings new twists,
surprises and laughs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hypnosis piece was genius.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/in-your-face-nina-conti">http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/in-your-face-nina-conti</a></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-89524323127945160502016-04-03T15:16:00.000+10:002016-04-03T15:16:33.933+10:00Free photography lesson - Live Performance
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrbiS3hb-a-J-unQp_a5qGQmWgHx4fFNEWStnYf_bHm2axJqtpay1iRCfpcY1dw84IO5c5AYbSP5T_ZOp9DnicbWdc2UfaYg5_bPObKGpFdyIF8wRBV4xwtmLNZYWzAqDjptew_S56Yeg/s1600/Live+performance-+Elbowskin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrbiS3hb-a-J-unQp_a5qGQmWgHx4fFNEWStnYf_bHm2axJqtpay1iRCfpcY1dw84IO5c5AYbSP5T_ZOp9DnicbWdc2UfaYg5_bPObKGpFdyIF8wRBV4xwtmLNZYWzAqDjptew_S56Yeg/s320/Live+performance-+Elbowskin.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">source: dftours.com.au</td></tr>
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Photographing live performance can be a difficult prospect for a number
of reasons, the lighting is not particularly helpful, the performers are
continuously moving and getting to a position to take the photograph that
neither interrupts the performance nor blocks the audience. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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To learn more about camera settings and techniques to photograph live performances visit <a href="http://www.dftours.com.au/free-photography-lessons/live-performance">http://www.dftours.com.au/free-photography-lessons/live-performance</a></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-60324793813810252082016-04-02T12:40:00.002+11:002016-04-02T12:40:58.607+11:00Review: Kel Balnaves - Life Changing Muesli<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT_Z-BEaehdVIVzklQ6mKreJkqo6qbkwaXj8U3BdUmEJdsjsbILml1pQ5BwwXYEmEb5V4yOEpT25bdfpk9N8MMm6r9u97TQY1sVJybkb2_bh506ySHQ27QocD6LDlLZ7AVzDsgSqSNXm4/s1600/Kel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT_Z-BEaehdVIVzklQ6mKreJkqo6qbkwaXj8U3BdUmEJdsjsbILml1pQ5BwwXYEmEb5V4yOEpT25bdfpk9N8MMm6r9u97TQY1sVJybkb2_bh506ySHQ27QocD6LDlLZ7AVzDsgSqSNXm4/s320/Kel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Fresh off a great season at the Adelaide
Fringe, Belgraves brings<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this warm and
uplifting show to Melbourne.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The warmth
of his delivery is only matched by the warmth of the room that of the Carpet
Room and the Forum Theatre.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Unlike many show titles in this year’s
comedy festival this show is life changing and actually contains muesli. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Balnaves is endearing and befriends the
audience taking them all of a very amusing journey of discovery. He draws on
his childhood (and the audiences) memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">He is not famous, not on radio or TV but he
generates endless laughs throughout the show. Make sure to get your ticket to
this show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/life-changing-muesli-kel-balnaves">http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/life-changing-muesli-kel-balnaves</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042510673483065535.post-61887066695950384212016-04-02T12:17:00.000+11:002016-04-02T12:17:16.753+11:00Review: Lawrence Mooney - Moonman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixA4PyvfprujPI5_YdxOUGHcBctDakKJTPGnQ5GLg7CievcpjQB2ozoUYpklWsnmIttj3BbwQ3PjTS8WsUDPrcnDH1-7UmCRulj_9DcAozOVdTPImynFp5EbajjbYc5o65CldfYluWpec/s1600/Mooney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixA4PyvfprujPI5_YdxOUGHcBctDakKJTPGnQ5GLg7CievcpjQB2ozoUYpklWsnmIttj3BbwQ3PjTS8WsUDPrcnDH1-7UmCRulj_9DcAozOVdTPImynFp5EbajjbYc5o65CldfYluWpec/s320/Mooney.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">There has been a lot of discussion on line
and in the media about the Moonman’s 2016 show and not a lot of it is positive.
Thankfully Lawrence Mooney and last night’s audience at the Athenaeum did read
any of these comments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">The audience was ready and willing for
Mooney to be funny and he delivered in spades. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Sure he was crass , brutal and politically
incorrect – but funny. He was self deprecating, irreverent and bullish, all at
the same time. Everything Mooney promises to be every time he steps on stage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">His physicality, particularly that left eyebrow
elicits every last laugh from his wonderful stories. A highlight in the show is
his take on Australia’s current crop of political leaders.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/moonman-lawrence-mooney">http://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2016/season/shows/moonman-lawrence-mooney</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Darren Freakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12407675203981386009noreply@blogger.com0