Sunday, September 8, 2013

Lucky Country


Australia has longed been called the lucky country. On the back of the 2013 Federal Election the meaning of this has finally become clear. An election is a great vehicle for demonstrating the best and worst of a countries political and social culture. Here are 5

1.     In Australia the biggest issue on election day was polling booth sausage sizzle. Not the days travelled to get to the booth, the threat of being shot by militia for how you voted, but grilled tubes of processed beef offcuts. It may also show what the average Australian voter thought of the calibre of politician they had to choose from, where the biggest issue of the day was the quality and price of the sausage sizzle available after they voted. Unfortunately KRudd was not shaking his sauce bottle enough to avoid the inevitable.

2.     The result of the election was not only declared within 2 hours of polling booths closing but the winner was clear within minutes of counting commencing. And with no hint of rigging votes, conspiracy or corruption.

3.     Each successful politician had a party in their local electorate with their family, friends, campaign staff and volunteers. Unlike the lavish and expensive celebrations witnessed in other countries. These celebrations occurred in local halls and community centres, keeping with the 1980’s 21st birthday theme, decorations consisted on streamers and 100 helium balloons.

4.     Politicians appeared on television holding a glass/bottle of their alcoholic beverage of choice, and mentioned its brand on camera, and such an appearance did not lead to a national scandal of alcoholism or inappropriate financial arrangements between breweries and the political parties.

5.     The outgoing Prime Minister presents his concession speech with such a big grin on his face that initially the public is concerned that no-one told him he lost prior to reaching the podium and he risks the ultimate embarrassment of declaring himself the winner. The reason for the grin is that his party did not do as bad as everyone thought they would. Most importantly for Mr Rudd, Labor retained the 8 seats the previously held in Queensland. It should be noted that they did not pick up any more seats in Queensland, and did lose 15 other seats around the rest of the country.

6.     Despite the apparent crises currently faced by Australia, according to Prime Minister Elect Mr Abbott; economic, boat people and big new taxes, there was plenty of time for him to don his lycra and go for a bit of ride  the day after the election.

7.     Clive Palmer, mining magnate and bit of a kook (he wants to build a titanic replica and a is turning his 5 star report into Jurassic Park) won a seat in Parliament. Many Australians famously screw around with census data by listing their religion as Jedi. Now the people shown their lack of concern in the countries leadership they voted for Jabba the Hutt. Now Australia has a daggy dad as Prime Minister and he crazy uncle in the back row. Watch for him to be wearing a lampshade on his head during the swearing in ceremony