Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Chasing the Sunrise

Sunrise is having a working holiday. David Koch has the gall to comment “don’t say we never do anything for you”.

Unless I am on the plane and staying in the hotels in Dubai, London, New York, Niagara Falls (Canada) and Cancun with them then I am sorry Mr Koch but you are doing nothing for me.

You are doing something for current sponsors particularly Accor Hotels, Flight Centre and Toyota as well making a great push for future potential sponsors. You are definitely doing something for the cast and crew who will get a fully paid trip around the world.

Yes there is already a cavalcade of stars lined up to tell inane stories and anecdotes, but let’s be honest they are all promoting their latest project whether it be  an album, movie, book or tour, thus fulfilling their obligations to their own sponsors.

Talk about a cash cow!

So what will the viewers really get from this.

A slight niggle of jealousy, perhaps.

A team of presenters delivering slightly awkward, meant-to-be-funny stories and in-jokes, yes.

Casual racism in the form of costumes, joke, accents and patronising attempts to participate in local customs, definitely.  (It started at the announcement).

David Koch telling awful dad joke, of course! He is David Koch after all.

Then there will be the segments. Time for a game of Sunrise Bingo

1.Travel tips, always presented on a slide a series of 5-7 dot points

Getting an upgrade

Surviving a long-haul flight
Making the most of your accommodation
Traveling on a budget
Traveling as a family
Traveling as a woman

2. Behind the scenes footage.
A presenter falling asleep (fake falling asleep counts)
·         Presenters in pyjamas
·         A female presenter without makeup
·         All presenters getting their hair and makeup done with a key tourist attraction in the background
·         Presenters raising concerns about the local cuisine
·         Bloopers
·         Montage of checking in and waiting at airports, boarding planes, collecting luggage and hailing a local taxi – all done in fast forward

3. Postcard stories
Presenters each experiencing a local attraction and having simply the best time ever regardless of how ordinary it looks and how miserable the weather
·         The whacky weather presenter, Edwina Bartholomew, will be somewhere be whacky and borderline culturally insensitive.
·         The presenters trying to prove they are being culturally sensitive by participating in a local custom but end up being condescending – cue Sam Armytage, Natalie Barr and Edwina wearing head scarves in Dubai
·         Mark Beretta will visit a famous sports venue
·         Local cooking class, my guess this will be in Mexico because spices are funny
·         The male presenters will be wear shorts on camera, because legs are funny
·         The Cash Cow, because that is funny
·         As many clichés as you can imagine

What will Kochie and his mate be doing for me? Dishing up the normal, boorish breakfast television that is as interesting and fulfilling as the bowl sugar-free, salt-free, fat-free, flavour-free bowl of bran I am eating for breakfast.

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