Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Things that go ping in the night

 So the black box no longer pings. We can make a box that will survive almost any disaster that befalls an aircraft but we cannot make a decent battery. We can land a man on the moon but we can not make a good long life battery. Maybe that is why the moon land conspiracy theorists are so dogged. It would make more sense, the other way around. We can not make a battery that holds its charge, no wonder they had to fake the moon landing.

It may also calm the nerves of countless iPhone users the world over who are continuously frustrated at the battery that does not last 24 hours

Thankfully Courtney Love has also stopped pinging in relation to this disaster mystery.

A “ping” is important. With out a ping, table tennis is just pong and there is a reason why it is now hard to find a version of this1970s arcade game. Without a ping the 1933 children’s duck-related fable would be merely The Story About…”

Monty Python’s Meaning of Life made famous machines that go ping. In that case it was to impress the administrator of the hospital that the medical team were doing a good job. I personally have never worked out in a hospital whether you want to be attached to a machine that goes ping, or not. If you are do you want a machine that pings when everything is going well or one that pings when there is a problem?

As Kramer suggested in Seinfeld: The Heart Attack you do not want to end up with a hose coming out of your chest attached to a piece of luggage.

What is unusual in the search for MH370 is that there does not appear to be any debris in the search area as identified by the “pings”. Not one piece of the aircraft itself, no wing tip, nose cone or food service trolley and not a single piece of luggage.

Ukraine has reportedly trained dolphins and other marine mammals to plant sea mines and kill frogmen. Famously in Russia’s take over of the Crimean peninsula the dolphins have changed nationalities. It must be difficult for a dolphin not to smile in its passport photo. Perhaps these military training sea creatures could use their natural sonar and tracking skills to find the lost plane, its passengers and cargo. Maybe then Putin would have something really worth Pinging about.

Just quietly part of the problem might be that they are look for a box box whilst the in-flight recorder is neither black nor a box!

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