Sunday, March 30, 2014

Australian Knights and Dames


Prime Minister Tony Abbott has used the prerogative of his office to reinstate the honours of Knights and Dames to honour people who have accepted public office rather than sought it and who can never...ever entirely return to private life.

The first recipients of this award are, outgoing Governor General Dame Quentin Bryce and the newly appointed Sir Goverrnor General General Peter Cosgrove (that is one hell of a title to fit on a business card).

Here are my suggestions for other recipients of the honour, Knights and Dames of the Order of Australia.

Dick Smith, sure he has sought public life but he has also had public life thrust upon him. He is a great Australia explorer, entrepreneur and philanthropist who staunchly promotes buying Australian a time when even the Prime Minister himself was not made in Australia. Besides who would not enjoy hearing the queen asking a dick to kneel before her prior to the dick to arise.

Clare Werbeloff aka DameChk Chk Boom should be honoured for her contribution to Australian comedy. Her simplistic decryption of her eye witness account of a shooting in Kings Cross, Sydney, shot her to international prominence and provided instant fodder for the nation's comedians. When it was discovered that she in fact did not witness the shooting at all but instead had totally made up her version of events the satarists went into overdrive.

Dame Sam the Koala, rescued by Mark Pardew a firefighter with the Department of Sustainability and Environment during the 2009 Black Saturday bush fires in Victoria. Famously Mark assisted Dame Sam to drink from his water bottle. Sam has since died from an inoperable ovarian cyst, but during her short public life she represented the hope and resilience of all the people rebuilding their lives after the death and destruction of Australia's worst disaster.

Skippy, little did the mother of the eastern grey kangaroo know that she had birthed and raised what would become one of Australia's best known and beloved stars. There was nothing Skippy could not do, open doors, use the CB radio, rescue people from dished mine shafts...she even played the drums! Bestowing this honour on Skippy would also go a long way in equality for the GBLTI community, being that the kangaroo was female and yet the character was male.

Louise, Bridget and Frances Abbott, Prime Minister Abbott's three daughters have all had a public life forced upon them through the political ambitions of their father. The Australian public have had to witness them supporting their father. Riding, bikini-clad, on their fathers back piggy back style (and not as young children). When other young adults might be embarrassed having dinner in a restaurant with their parents the Abbotts have had to endure their father publicly declaring his strongly held opinions of a woman's role within a family and about sex before marriage. During his election campaign they also had their awkward-at-best appearance alongside their father on Big Brother Australia. Mr Abbott was desperately trying to demonstrate that he is in touch with young people and common Australians. He famously signed off with the phrase "I am the guy with the not too bad-looking daughters." Thanks for the vote of confidence Dad. Its the not too bad-looking Dames to you!

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