Happy New Year - Chinese Style

Chinese New Year is so full of traditions, dragon and lion dances, firecrackers, drums, cabbage, coins in red envelopes, everything to bring good luck, prosperity and longevity.

Luck and prosperity I understand, but why would anyone want to live for a long time on this planet. It is over-crowded, polluted, corrupt and by all accounts warming up a bit. This does in some way help explain the red envelopes.

This custom is more than sharing wealth it is a tradition in which the older generations pass on their good luck and longevity to younger generations. Pass it on? More like give it away. My grandmother is about to celebrate her 97th birthday. She has been waiting for her time to come to an end since her 70th birthday.

In the weeks after her 70th birthday she needed to replace her bin. This was well before the invention of wheelie bins. Remember the now old fashioned round bins made of either plastic or metal that were the perfect height for the stumps in a game of backyard cricket? Grandma in replacing her bin chose the plastic model because she “did not want a bin that would live longer than her”.

Well she sure showed the garbage receptacle. Not only did she out last that particular bin but she outlived the entire model.

The human race is caught in a contradictory conundrum. The body, like a refrigerator, is not designed to last forever, the mind however desires to be immortal. As the wonders of modern medicine solve puzzle of one disease the body succumbs to another. The longer we live we discover illnesses and disorders that rare if ever were present. The diseases of age are the price we pay as a race for longevity.

As spectacular and athletic as the lion dancing is and as deafening as the firecrackers are my favourite of the Chinese New Year traditions it the lions’ “spitting” of cabbage. Such a quirky activity, it appeals to my childish love of a food fight.

Store keepers hand a cabbage in their doorways. The lion dancers climb (in costume) to take the cabbage, break it up (chew) and then throw (spit) it at the store owner and staff. Those who catch any of the cabbage will have prosperity in the year ahead, as will the business.

OHS and food hygiene people!

I finally understand what a cabbage is good for.

I celebrated a voyeuristic Chinese New Year this year, obtaining pleasure from merely watching the festivities in Melbourne’s Chinatown. I expected and understood most of what I saw. I was somewhat surprised by the entertainment on the main stage that included flamenco dancing, a display of South Sudanese dancing (I use this word advisedly) and a Indian display straight out of Bollywood.

Are boardshorts and footy socks traditional costumes for South Sudanese warriors? Are shields made out of cardboard? If so I cannot fathom how this race of people has survived both the wild animals and the civil wars of their region.

I did not realise that Chinese culture was so influenced by the Spanish. Is this the part of the Inquisition that no-one talks about like going to Germany and not mentioning the war? This is something modern day conspiracy theorists should look into more closely and set up websites (that ironically will be banned in China) to spruik their circumstantial findings.

Western New Year really commits to the fireworks with governments spending the prosperity of the previous year to ring in the new. The baying audiences judge the pyrotechnic display not only on its colour and volume but also on its longevity. Luck is measured on ones ability to get home at the end of many hours of drinking. We share the luck by repeatedly yelling and spluttering at both friends and strangers the we “loves youse all.”

Happy new year
新年快乐

How Aussie Are You?

With another Australia Day done and dusted how Aussie are you? What did you do on the public holiday? if you renovated, did landscaping, finish your novel/song/sculpture or found the cure for cancer then unfortunately, as great as though achievements may have been, you are very un-Australian.

Australia Day is for doing as little as possible. Sleeping in, sitting at the beach, eating take-away food or bbq snags, getting drunk, watching TV/DVD or going to the movies are all acceptable. Reading a book is tolerable. If activity is required, then a game of beach or back yard cricket or a bit of kick-to-kick can be undertaken, preferably after getting drunk watching the test cricket on TV – and even then only during the lunch and tea breaks.

Choice of alcohol Australians only chose Australian brewed beers or fermented wines.

If under the age of 25 it is now compulsory to wear clothing that is either fashioned from the Australian flag or is printed with the southern-cross and union jack. Also acceptable is body art depicting the flag.

Thongs are also essential.

This is a test. If you call them flip-flops then you are un-Australian.

As you get drunk then singing great Australian anthems is appropriate; Waltzing Matilda, or Khe Sanh. Under no circumstances must the general public sing the actual national anthem. Of course any communal singing will only occur after the completion of Triple J’s Hottest 100, and the ensuing argument about which song should have been number one.

During the Hottest 100 if you sang along with the songs you are Australian, if you knew all of the words of the song you are un-Australian. If you sang in tune also un-Australian.

It is Australian to attack political leaders; figuratively and satirically it is also acceptable to verbally criticise every decision they make regardless of actual political preferences, just like Tony Abbott in opposition, the public’s role is to simply say “no” in eternal disagreement with the government.

Ironically some of oldest Australians, as part of the Aboriginal tent embassy at Parliament House proved to be very un-Australian by trying to actually attack both the Prime Minister and Leader of the Opposition. Be angry, be persistent but keep your hands to yourself.

It is Australian to vote a sitting Prime Minister out of office, it is Australian for a Prime Minister to be removed from office by the Governor General, it is Australian for the ruling political party to change leader mid-term, it is Australian to just simply lose a Prime Minister at the beach.

It is un-Australian to try to physically harm a Prime Minister.

Geoffrey Rush is, for the next 12 months, the most Australian person on the planet. What a great role model. Regardless of one’s vocational preferences Mr Rush is the embodiment of what it means to be Aussie.

Be the best at what you do, never forget where you came from and the people who supported you, be humble and graceful, have a sense of humour about yourself, enjoy what you do, work hard and always have time to have a drink with friends.

Film Review - Hugo

If you cross a children’s movie with a rom-com you would get Hugo. Vaguely entertaining, largely predictable with moments that can only be described as extremely Disney.

Hugo is an orphan who lives in a Parisian train station winding and maintaining all of its clocks’ in fact he is somewhat of a savant in regards to all things clockwork. There is a girl who befriends and helps Hugo there is a grumpy old man his loving wife and a clumsy police officer played by Sacha Baron Cohen. The police officer is the villain of the story, his only role appears to be to round up orphans for the authorities.

Sounds very formulaic for any story aimed at children with a child as the hero of the story. It is based on the Brian Selznick’s award winning 2007 novel/picture book The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The film is nominated for 10 Oscars in the 2011 Academy Awards. Although I have not seen all of the other films nominated for Best Picture but it would be insulting to them if Hugo aged to its trophy cabinet by taking home this particular statue. It is a 3D film (aren’t they all now), train stations and the inside of clock towers provide a lot of opportunities to exploit this visual technology so Oscars in the categories on cinematography and visual effects may be well deserved.

The different story lines are held together by an automaton which in itself become a mechanical red herring in the film. The actual automaton storyline goes nowhere.

It is difficult to write a review and not give away too much of the story for a film that is so predictable.

It is possible that as a childless male nearing 40 that I am not in the core demographic for which this film was written. In fact in choosing to see this film was more a question of timing – the films my friend and I wanted to see had already started by the time we bought tickets. As a children’s film Hugo bucks the modern trend of having images and dialogue for the adults, Hugo is void of such content.

Hugo will be a great DVD for families to have in their collect for when school holidays start to get long and boring.

Can animals be nominated for best actor/actress in a supporting role? If so can I nominate the two daschunds from Hugo? They definitely steal the show.

Film Review - The Skin I Live In

Written and directed by Pedro Almodóvar, this Spanish thriller goes to all the darkest alleys in Wrongtown. Murder, rape, psychological and physical abuse it has it all.

Antonia Banderas plays a plastic surgeon, Robert Ledgard who develops a new skin which is much stronger than normal skin in response to the death of his wife in a car fire. The skin does not burn. It starts as a high and noble pursuit. If we learnt nothing else from Get Smart then it is that all scientific advances will at some stage they will fall into the wrong hands and be used for evil instead of good.

The question is, on which side of this equation does Robert Ledgard sit?

Almodóvar plays with the viewers sense of morals with more twists and turns, each one being more alarming than the last. Driven by grief and a sense of justice and the audience is left alternating their sympathies to and from Banderas’ character.

Even in Spanish (with English subtitles) this psychological thriller gets [literally] under the audiences skin. At best the audiences’ predictions of the plot and who did what to whom will only ever be at best half right. It shocks without the use of the typical Hollywood visually graphic scenes

Is it a must see in the cinema, possibly not. With the technology available in home theatre systems, including screen size (after all size does matter) not much would be lost from the movie in one’s own lounge.

I saw the film at Melbourne’s Nova Cinema, in cinema 13. Kudos to Nova for installing couches in this cinema. However in such a small theatre – consisting of just four rows of couches that were all quite close to the screen with a sound system which was not much more than the system I have at home. While the intimacy of the surroundings was pleasant and the couches extremely comfortable, it all seemed awkward to be watching it with 20 other people in such close surrounds.

I would only have 5 -10 people in my own house for a movie and we would all be friends.

My other challenge with cinema 13 and this film is that I was stuck behind a tall guy who also chose to sit on a booster cushion. It is very hard to follow dialogue when you can only see the beginning and end of every subtitled line.

A great movie but it is not for the squeamish or those on a first date.

Topical Blog

Cricket

It has always been said, and only in part with tongue in cheek that the highest office in Australia is neither the Prime Minister nor the Governor General but is in fact the captain of the Australian cricket team.

This week Australia’s latest captain scored a triple century against India, this following a return to form since becoming captain. As captain he has also breathed some new life and energy into the team – well his captaincy and some (finally) good team selections. Recent press reports state that he hope this success means the Australian cricketing public will finally start to like him.

What has scoring runs and winning a few games got to do with being liked? Nothing. It strikes an eerie resemblance Sally Fields Oscar Award acceptance speech. “You like me, right now you like me!” No, we like what you did – not you.

Politics

Thankfully the Australian Prime Minister is currently doing no more than being seen in all the right places like in the middle of the SCG with fast bowling legend Glenn McGath to raise awareness and money for McGrath Foundation. Anything to stop her droning on about carbon and mining taxes and boats.

The same cannot be said for American politicians. The primaries started this week in Iowa with the difference between first and second being a mere 8 votes. This a race before the race between three candidates who want the opportunity to run for office full of hope and promised only to be stopped in their tracks the moment they win office by a parliamentary system so complicated and in bed with lobbyists that change is never going to occur quickly. As indication of how complicated the system is, voting started this week 11months prior to the actual Presidential election. The American public must be so thankful that voting is voluntary. There could be nothing worse than having to repeatedly return to the ballot box over an eleven month period to choose between a bunch of candidates whose policies are fundamentally the same.

Eleven months. Imagine eleven months of Abbott yelling at us all to “Stop the boats” all the while Gillard droned at us to “move forward”. For newly arriving these are two fundamentally conflicting messages, made all the more confusing by the fact that their refugee/immigration policies were basically the same.

New Year

One of the most over rated celebrations one that seems the more the evening is planned the less enjoyable it will end up being. Public fireworks are a standard, all around the globe, displays that must centre on iconic buildings or structures. It was an interesting observation to measure a countries financial stability in 2012. The displays in Sydney Harbour were spectacular as you would expect for $6.3million including seven tonnes launched from the bridge alone. By contrast the Parisian celebrations, whose former leader may or may not have spent all the banger money on bunga parties, looked more like a group of school children throwing sparklers off of the Eiffel Tower.

Nearly always a let down despite any amount of good food, drink and company. I think that is because it is all focused on one 10 second moment, too bad if you are in the toilet. The whole night is focussed on staying awake and conscious until midnight. But then what? Well thank god that is over, can I go to bed now?