Sunday, January 29, 2012

How Aussie Are You?

With another Australia Day done and dusted how Aussie are you? What did you do on the public holiday? if you renovated, did landscaping, finish your novel/song/sculpture or found the cure for cancer then unfortunately, as great as though achievements may have been, you are very un-Australian.

Australia Day is for doing as little as possible. Sleeping in, sitting at the beach, eating take-away food or bbq snags, getting drunk, watching TV/DVD or going to the movies are all acceptable. Reading a book is tolerable. If activity is required, then a game of beach or back yard cricket or a bit of kick-to-kick can be undertaken, preferably after getting drunk watching the test cricket on TV – and even then only during the lunch and tea breaks.

Choice of alcohol Australians only chose Australian brewed beers or fermented wines.

If under the age of 25 it is now compulsory to wear clothing that is either fashioned from the Australian flag or is printed with the southern-cross and union jack. Also acceptable is body art depicting the flag.

Thongs are also essential.

This is a test. If you call them flip-flops then you are un-Australian.

As you get drunk then singing great Australian anthems is appropriate; Waltzing Matilda, or Khe Sanh. Under no circumstances must the general public sing the actual national anthem. Of course any communal singing will only occur after the completion of Triple J’s Hottest 100, and the ensuing argument about which song should have been number one.

During the Hottest 100 if you sang along with the songs you are Australian, if you knew all of the words of the song you are un-Australian. If you sang in tune also un-Australian.

It is Australian to attack political leaders; figuratively and satirically it is also acceptable to verbally criticise every decision they make regardless of actual political preferences, just like Tony Abbott in opposition, the public’s role is to simply say “no” in eternal disagreement with the government.

Ironically some of oldest Australians, as part of the Aboriginal tent embassy at Parliament House proved to be very un-Australian by trying to actually attack both the Prime Minister and Leader of the Opposition. Be angry, be persistent but keep your hands to yourself.

It is Australian to vote a sitting Prime Minister out of office, it is Australian for a Prime Minister to be removed from office by the Governor General, it is Australian for the ruling political party to change leader mid-term, it is Australian to just simply lose a Prime Minister at the beach.

It is un-Australian to try to physically harm a Prime Minister.

Geoffrey Rush is, for the next 12 months, the most Australian person on the planet. What a great role model. Regardless of one’s vocational preferences Mr Rush is the embodiment of what it means to be Aussie.

Be the best at what you do, never forget where you came from and the people who supported you, be humble and graceful, have a sense of humour about yourself, enjoy what you do, work hard and always have time to have a drink with friends.

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