The
Conclave has met and 115 cardinals have voted and decided that Cardinal
Bergoglio will have the honour of wearing the biggest hat. Did head size come
into their deliberations? It would be easier if Pontiffs all fitted into the
same headwear. The Pope’s mitre is not the only headwear available to religious
leaders within the Roman Catholic church.
The
cappello romano is more of an outdoor sun hat. It has a circular wide brim,
unlike many of the other millinery items, the cappello is surprising, worn
merely for practical reasons – to keep the sun off. To ensure the wearer stands out it can only be
worn with a cassock (dress type item).
The
galero – the capello romano’s ceremonial cousin – represents a crown
symbolising that its wearer is the Prince
of the Church. Looking at modern day royal families this means a life of
privilege, a lot of money for not much work and diminished sense of responsibility.
Sounds about right. The galero is basically the capello with long tassels
attached. The more tassels then then the more important the wearer. Why? I say
why not? If you have to wear a silly hat to demonstrate your faith, make it as
silly as possible.
There
is also the zucchetto worn by priests in the Catholic and Anglican churches as
well as many eastern orthodox churches. Basically a circle of material to keep
their heads warm. Does this date back to the practice of monks shaving a bald
patch in their head? (Did this really happen or have I been watching too many
cartoons and Robin Hood movies?). There are too many rules about how and when
to wear (and remove) a zucchetto to go into here. Of not it is always worn
under a mitre or a biretta.
What’s
a biretta? It is another hat worn by the clergy in the Catholic church. Think of
a small box wrapped in silk with a pom pom on top.
The
Roman Catholic a have not cornered the market in silly religious hats. The Jews
the kippah or yarmulke is strikingly similar to the Catholic zucchetto. It is
to be worn during prayer to cover the head in order that the fear of heaven may
be upon you. It is custom to wear it all the time. To think some people are
fearful of god due to activities like murder, stealing and adultery when it is
just as terrifying to not wear a hat. In which case why not just wear a
baseball cap? Particularly the Los Angeles Angels.
Of
course Jewish men also have the more formal fedora styled hat , which for some
reason always seems to be worn a few sizes too small so that it merely balances
on top of their head. Growing the hair in front of their ears long also is
popular within some Jewish populations. Based on Leviticus 19:27 “You shall not
round off the peyos of your head". The peyos is the hair that grows in
front of the ears and includes sideburns. Apparently it is ok to use scissors
to trim the sideburns but not the long curl of hair. The length of a peyos
represents a person’s obedience to this fashion commandment.
The
rules for hair become very complicated for traditional Jewish women. When they
marry that are expected to shave their heads, however an uncovered head is
considered immodest, so they wear a wig. To hide the wig from unwanted male
attention they then cover it with a scarf or a shiptzel (half wig half hat) or
a snood (a hair bag).
The
Muslims are most famous for the women’s headwear the hijab and the burqa.
Garments that post-pubescent women must wear in the company on non related
adult men. It supposedly separates man from God. There is something wrong here,
surely if it is meant to separate men from God, then it should be men that wear
it. It is worn for privacy and modesty as the hajib also represents the
separation of women from men. Modesty in the Qur’an refers to both men and
women’s gaze, gait, garments and genitalia. There is an apparent confusion of
human anatomy amongst the Muslim community as women’s genitals are not on top
of their head.
The
centrefold of men’s magazine Plaits and
Braids is of a woman with her hajib pulled teasingly low towards the
shoulders. Shaved, it turns out would
be just as popular regardless of religious persuasion.
The
skull cap is popular in this religion too, now it is called a kufi.
I
am starting to think the skull cap could be the key to solving the eternal
tension between the world’s religions. Perhaps if all of the gods agree on the
preferred hat (even though it looks like a doily from grandmas afternoon tea
setting) then perhaps they agree on other things too.
Sikkkes
are the tall conical hats worn by whirling dervishes, what people don’t know is
that they started off more like the wide-brim sombrero to keep the burning
African sun off their faces, it is merely centrifugal force that forced them up
into the somewhat impractical cone.
The
daster or turban is worn by circumsised Sikh men as a symbol of honour, self-respect,
courage, spirituality and piety, or just a way to save money on hair cuts.
Sikh’s do not cut their hair. This seems little compensation. “So here is the
thing, we have cut off the end of your penis, so that means you no longer have
to cut your hair.
Arabian shora or keffiyeh is perhaps most famous for adorning the head of Palestinian
leader Yasser Arafat, it is a square of material worn to protect its wearer
from the sun and their eyes from dust and sand. It is either wrapped around
their head or tied in place as Mr Arafat did by a egal. This is a tea towel
held in place by a piece of rope. Just think of every shepherd you have seen in
a school or church nativity re-enactment, or every teenage girl coming out of
the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her head after washing her hair.
There
are so many religious pieces of head wear, I have not even touched on the hats
of orthodox groups, each one more ridiculous that the next Old Testament
believers tried to build a tower tall enough to touch heaven. In modern times
the people’s of the world have changed the tower for hats. If I remember
correctly god thought the tower insulting and just a little silly so scattered
the people everywhere and gave them different languages.
I
cant help but think that god(s) whoever he or she is, has much more important
things to worry about than what hats everyone is or is not wearing.
I
night start my own religion and make everyone wear a tall striped hat like the
Cat in the Hat, Dr Seuss would be the deity.
For more of my thoughts of lifes trivialities that annoy freak me out, check out my Melbourne International Comedy Festival Show "DFO: Darren Freak's Out"
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No hat...no pray
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