Vote 2010

Tony Abbott is staying awake campaigning for the 36 hours leading up to election day. All sounds a bit creepy, especially for those people living in marginal electorates. Would having the mad monk tapping on your window at three in the morning really increase the coalitions chances of winning? Forget gay marriage, I want to know what each parties policy is on political stalking. And do we as a nation want a Prime Minister that spends the first days on the job napping on the couch in the Lodge. If we wanted that we would vote for Jeff from the Wiggles.

If Tony is having that much trouble sleeping, perhaps he should try sitting through television coverage of his own election campaigning. It would put even the most ardent insomniac to sleep in minutes. In fairness the campaign from any other party would have the same effect. 2010 could go down as one of the most embarrassing and dull era in Australia’s political history.

After 6 weeks of campaigning I am none the wiser as to what any political party’s policies actually are. I know what they are not. Only because that is what the other parties have concentrated on. Labour has told us what the Liberals will not do if they get into office. Labour has told us what the Greens will not do if they get the balance of power in the Senate. The Liberals have told us what Labour will not do and that Kevin Rudd is upset. The Greens have told us…actually what have the told us? They must be following the old adage “if you can’t say something nice then do not say anything at all.”

But back to K Rudd. Really the man who lost his job, is upset. In fact I believe the removal of Mr Rudd from the office of Prime Minister is an action Labour should be exploiting during this campaign. At a time of need the party proved their decisiveness and willingness to take action, or – if it pleases – move forward. Liberals on the other hand have a long and recent history of not being able to make the tough decision. Howard and Costello bickered like school children for years. With neither of them being able to act decisively the party lost the next election with one of the largest swings in Australia’s history. After the 2007 election the Liberals then again demonstrated their inability to make a decision and stick to it as they changed leaders three times in just over two years.

Is there still a coalition? Are the National Party standing in this election, they might be even more silent than the Greens.

There are over 30 parties vying for the public vote this election. Add a comment to the bottom of this blog if you can name five parties not mentioned in the text.

The Sex Party win the prize for the best name of a political party. Unfortunately for its members, whilst everyone dreams of having a sex party, it is only a reality for a small minority. This may be a good thing. I do not want to live in a country where it is mandatory for men to have a pencil thin moustache and the national anthem is nothing more than a bass riff.

It is a sad sign for our potential Members of Parliament that the most interesting aspects of the election has been the leaders of the two major parties debating about if and how they want to debate each other and the “journalistic” outbursts from former Labour leader, Mark Latham.

When it comes to investigative journalism, Mark makes an excellent Chaser style ambush stunt. Perhaps this explains Abbott’s desire to stay awake for the remainder of the campaign. The only thing worse than Tony appearing at your window would be Latham barging through your bedroom door to ask a question that proves nothing more than the fact his still a little bitter about never becoming Prime Minister himself.

Bring on 21 August, not because I am wanting to vote but because I just want the campaigns to be over. The lack of policy content, the vacuous slogans and catch phrases, the endless parade of Julia Gillard impersonators of varying ability, it is enough already. Even political commentators like Andrew Bolt who make a living out of over analysing political rhetoric and assigning unsubstantiated meaning to the non existent content of speeches must be suffering from election dysfunction from the 2010 campaign.

Star Signs

Without admitting that I actually read women’s gossip magazines I would like to point out that it is hard to tell where the articles stop and the star signs start.

Mel Gibson

Although you sometimes wear your heart on your sleeve, it is time to be more guarded. Emotional outbursts may get you into trouble. Relationships will sour, beware a woman’s scorn.

Bec Hewitt

Whilst once a bright star within your youth, age and responsibility will see it starting to fade. Your self belief and exaggerated sense of importance means you are unlikely this for yourself. When it comes to details about your personal life, less is more.

Julia Gillard

You have perhaps enjoyed more success than you expected. Without tireless hard work your success could be short lived. After extreme highs can follow extreme lows.

Tiger Woods

Remember your kindergarten teachers’ wisdom. “Look with your eyes, not with your hands” and “it is always nice to share” . It is also possible to get too much of a good thing.

Lawrie Oakes

You will be entrusted with many secrets. Consider carefully what you choose to do with this information as your actions may have serious repercussions on many people on whom your livelihood relies.

Jennifer Anitston

You will continue to struggle with relationships and regret past decisions. Are you in love, are you ready to start a family? These questions will continue to play on your mind. It is time to be more decisive, do not fear commitment.

Adam Liaw

Congratulations, you have had your fifteen minutes of fame, but it is only the beginning of your journey. You will have to continue to work hard if you want to have your cake and eat it too. Now is the time to make the most of new career opportunities.

Kristy Fraser-Kirk

Having been hurt in the past, relationships are proving to be complicated. You are right to seek retribution. Remember that the law is an ass and might come back to bite you on the very arse you are trying to defend. Whilst it is great to be demonstrate your assertiveness beware that going for too much may turn your biggest allies into enemies.

Olsen Twins

You have definitely made the most of being thrust into the limelight early in life. You have demonstrated your ability to make astute business decisions. Your friends and family are concerned about your choices in your personal life; relationships, substance use and nutrition. These personal misfortunes will not prevent you from living your life publicly.

Hey Hey It’s Saturday

You are natural entertainer, it will be easy for you to rest on your laurels. It may be time to look after yourself, so take time to have a break and rest. Realising it might be time to stop the thing you love does not have to be and end, don’t be afraid to take a risk and try new things

Prince Harry

Whilst you life may contain an endless string of controversies you will achieve more good than harm. Do not be disheartened by playing second fiddle, the reduced responsibility will allow you to follow your heart. Do not worry about finances, they will look after themselves. Only undertake the work that you feel a passion for.

Justin Bieber

While enjoying the party, even as the guest of honour it is rude to overstay your welcome. In conversations remember that although you think your life stories are exciting others may find them somewhat common if not mundane. You have plenty to learn so make less noise to give you time to listen to people with more experience.

Ring Ring, Why Don't You Give Me A Call

Airlines have admitted that mobile phones do not have any affect on aeroplane navigation equipment or any other equipment for that matter. Virgin has already stated that mobile phones will soon be allowed to be used on international flights. Not surprising considering the parent company also operates a mobile phone network.

I am pleased that science has won out and that this propaganda has finally been corrected. I am disappointed that I will now have to listen to people conducting inane conversations at annoyingly loud volumes.

We all now have to look forward to endless hours of people yelling at unseen friends that “No I can’t hear you. I am on the plane. What? What? No, I am on the plane, we just took off. What? I can’t hear you. I am n the plane. What? It keeps dropping out? What? I am n the plane?”

Then there are the ring tones!

On the upside in-flight sales of alcohol will increase dramatically as fellow passengers attempt to drink themselves into a stupor to survive the cacophony of digital noise.

In Europe the trains have mobile free carriages. Is anyone that important that they cannot be contacted for a few hours. If there is something that critical happening in your life that you are expecting to have to make numerous life or death decisions then perhaps now is not the best time to be travelling.

I wonder if phones on planes will be like smoking. Originally smoking was allowed everywhere on board. Then there was the segregation of smoking and non-smoking. Over time it was understood that even if sitting in a different section of the plane that the comfort and enjoyment of some passengers was disrupted by the smoking activities of others. Now smoking is banned.

No phones.

Go ahead use your phones.

Actually the phones are annoying (more accurately the people who use the phones are annoying) so stop using your phones.

Now all I need is someone to explain why I have to leave the little blind on my window open for take off and landing. Even if the cockpit did have a rear vision mirror I do not think the pilot will be able to see much of value from my seat at 32F. Someone once told me that the blinds are left open so that if the plane crashes it is so rescuers can see into the plane and safely determine the number of casualties and deaths.

So the air crew are actually performing some aviation-type of last rite. Now that we can leave our phones on perhaps we can just register our numbers on boarding and rescuers can just call us and see who answers.

This can also double as a triage process prioritising their medical requirements. Anyone with “Crazy Frog” ring tone goes to the bottom of the list.