Sex in the City 2

So the second movie in the Sex in the City franchise is about to hit our cinemas. Does that mean the girls have not got any in the ensuing years between these Hollywood releases? That is quite a drought.

Despite the fact the women are in long-term relationships the romance and intimacy is still alive and kicking. Travelling to exotic international locations adding new notches to their hotel room bedposts.

I saw neither the first movie nor the original television series. Hand on heart I have never even seen an entire episode. I do not know the names of the characters. The only actors name I know is Sarah Jessica Parker but more because of her desire to live out her personal life on the cover of tabloid magazines. That and that her appearance makes her a perfect substitute for Camilla if she ever found herself being driven through a French tunnel.

Charles could maintain his love of horses. He could replace his Consort the same way soap opera writers swap actors to maintain character when an actor does not renew their contract. There are a few questions that go unanswered before society loses interest.

I am just hoping that if there is a third instalment that it becomes more realistic following the lives of these four women as they settle down with their families, taxiing kids to sport and dates, cleaning, long nights on the couch. It could be called Celibate in the Suburbs.

No time for romance or sexual dalliances, as their days are filled with mundane routines. Picking up dog pooh off the back lawn, arguing with kids over eating the vegetables and doing chores, arguing with their partner over the bills and whose turn it is to take out the garbage. The busyness of their lives effectively eliminating their respective libidos.

Mr Big (thank you Wikipedia) is impotent with male pattern baldness. Instead of meeting up with friends for salon makeovers and coffee they support each other visiting the clinic for a variety of cancer screening exams.

High label fashion with stiletto heels and matching cutch bag will be replaced with a mix match of off the rack clothes (which ever was clean and relatively ironed when they dressed) sensible shoes and a handbag big enough to be a suitcase. They need it that big because a woman must be prepared for an emergency. Bottle of water, crackers, sweets for the kids, change of underwear for the kids, maxi pad, book, shopping vouchers, keys toys that were confiscated during a recent car trip, complete range of makeup note pad and biro and something that looks as though it might once have been a cake of organic soap or a piece of organic cake.

Instead of going to shows, flitting across the America and Europe for romantic rendezvous they are on school field trips, emergency trips to the KFC drive thru when they have run out of time to shop, cook or both. Holidays are now focussed on caravans and theme parks.

Their meaningless conversation about dieting, shopping, celebrities and love lives will change to meaning conversations about what Oprah has told them about dieting, shopping, celebrities and love lives.

As SJP confusingly said in an interview promoting this second film, Celibate in the Suburbs could actually be a “once in a lifetime opportunity”.