Germ Warfare

I can remember when the best cleaning products available for domestic use was described as being “hospital grade”. For all those times major surgery was being performed on kitchen counters across the country.

Now they kill 99.9% of germs. I wonder if the products have changed or just their description. Like marshmallows and jellybeans are now advertised as 99.9% fat free. Of course it is hard to contain fat in a product that is made up of only two ingredients; sugar and colouring. The recipe for jellybeans and marshmallows has not changed just their labelling.

Are the hospital grade cleaning products the same and just the labelling changed. Or are the products we use in our homes to clean up minor spills when plating up our Masterchef inspired gourmet char-grilled corn fed beef fillets with steamed julienne root vegetables and a side of garlic mash (what once used to be meat and three veg and we never “plated up” it was just simply served), are these cleaning products now even stronger than those used in hospitals?

Next time someone is planning a stay in their local hospital as well as their pyjamas and a book to read should they also be packing a bottle of Spray ‘n’ Wipe?

What is the 0.1% of germs that no one can kill? Is it just one super germ that will one day try to take over our planets like the next big Marvel Comics villain? Hollywood producers will try to convince the US military to load up the armoury on their fighter just with Domestos and Pine-0-Clean.

The whole world will be left wishing that Hussein’s stock pile of weapons of mass destruction included chemical weapons.

Of course it could be the exact opposite, he remaining 0.1% of germs left un-dead by the cleaning products are friends of the humans. If so I would like to keep one as a pet. I would get a female one and call it Germane. We would go everywhere together.

Do you think the 0.1% of germs left are lonely now that all of the other germs are being killed? This could be the beginning of the biggest ecological disaster to strike this planet. With no natural germ predators the remaining germs could run rampant across the planet. Of course with no other germs to breed with their global dominance would be short lived.

Do not worry about trying to plug the ruptured oil pipeline off the coast of in stead we should all be fighting to cap the unnecessary spillage of germ lives. Instead of storming flotillas attempting to break through the maritime blockade of Gaza our politicians should be declaring their outrage at the attack on germs floating in the spills on our sinks, benches and floors.

The demise in germs runs parallel with the increased incidence of ADHD, asthma and allergies. Coincidence? The chemicals are harming humans as much it is germs. Affecting our respiratory and digestive systems, leaving defenceless children have unnatural reactions to quite natural phenomena. The body, if allowed to do its thing, is designed to cope with impurities if given a chance to build up its resistance. It is like alcohol. An underage party goer consuming the amber liquid for the first time, after just a couple of drinks s/he will be feeling quite ill, whilst a seasoned alcoholic can drink for hours before it shows any visible negative affects. Same with germs.

As for ADHD if the parents spent less time cleaning and more time parenting engaging with their offspring, saying no occasionally then perhaps this epidemic of “uncontrollable children” might be taught some control. This generation who can not concentrate or respond to discipline can of course sit for hours obeying the rules of their favourite computer game. With no fear of germs either. Have you seen these games, they are dirty!