Redundancy Diaries #3 - It is the Fish John West Rejects

Having been rejected from my substantive position, I was offered an office with the promise of tasks in another area of the organisation. I had an office, yes an actual office with walls and a door. It even had a computer that did not need to be turned on the night before so that it had enough time to warm up for me to start working when I arrived the following morning. With the availability of a telephone headset I suddenly had the urge to call people.

This lasted two days. I was rejected again. A staff member who had been on extended leave originally occupied the office, on Tuesday she resigned. Now that the office was definitely spare, I was asked to move. Not by management but by staff members who used to work with the now past-employee. Why? Because they were upset that someone was in the office space.

I am typing this at a computer that struggles to keep up with my two-finger typing speed just so the desk, chair, telephone (with headset) and computer can be memorialised.

I have received a few job interviews from applications I have prepared. In each case, through the interview process I have learned that the position has been rejected. The position, not me! “This position has been put on hold but we wanted to interview you anyway in case anything else comes up.” “We are interviewing you now though we have decided we are going to wait until mid to late January to decide if we need this position moving forward.”

I have rejected one position. One hour into a half day on the job trial I thanked them for their time. After one hour I was bored stupid. I know, before anyone says anything, I am living only minutes from the border of Stupid Town as it is.

Then of course there are the automated mass rejection letters to applications.

Dear [insert name here]

Thank you for your application for the position of [insert job title here]. Unfortunately we are not going to proceed with your application at this time. We received a large number of applications for this position and
[select one]
· your skills did not match what we were looking for in this role
· other applicants had experience more aligned to the nature of this role
· it was difficult for us to select from such a strong field of applicants

Yours truly,

[insert name of untraceable HR assistant]

I just want to know, when they say they are “not going to proceed with your application at this time” at what time ARE they going to proceed with it. Just a bit of honesty would be appreciated


Dear [insert name here]

Thank you for your application for the position of [insert job title here]. We are not going to proceed with your application, ever. We received a large number of applications for this position and
[select one]
· you have none of the skills, knowledge or experience required
· we can’t believe you thought you were the right person for this role
· thanks for wasting our time. You know we have to read every application we receive, in detail?
· Good luck [you’re going to need it, ha ha ha ha ha]

Yours truly,

[insert name of untraceable HR assistant]

I appreciate the personal touch of automated letters, particularly when the mail merge fails

© darren freak