Monday, January 25, 2016

Captain America versus Captain Australia


Captain America
A weak man empowered to the peak of human performance by an experimental serum.

Captain Australia
Overweight man empowered to the peak of human obnoxiousness by cheap alcohol.

Captain America
Was trapped in ice at the end of World War II and survived in a state of suspended animation until revived.

Captain Australia
Is trapped in a repetitive office job or trade throughout the year only to resurface every Australia Day long weekend.

Captain America
Wears a body suit emblazoned with an American flag motif.

Captain Australia
Wears a towel emblazoned with the Australian flag as a cape.

Captain America
Wears a uniform that is fire retardant and bulletproof.

Captain Australia
Wears shorts which reveal a bit of arse crack, bonds singlet and thongs(flip flops) he bought at Target.

Captain America
Has a nearly indestructible shield that he throws at his enemies.

Captain Australia
Has the lid of an esky that he uses as a cricket bat or wickets or as a frisbee that he throws at his friends.

Captain America
Can bench press 545kg and run 1.6km (one mile) in 73seconds.

Captain Australia
Went to the gym, once.

Captain America
Is highly resistant to gases that could limit his focus.

Captain Australia
After an afternoon of BBQ sausages, onions, white bread and beer creates gases that limit other people’s ability to focus.

Captain America
Has extensive battle experience and training making him an expert tactician and excellent field commander.

Captain Australia
Encourages his mates to participate in increasingly embarrassing and dangerous stunts simply by stating “Carn mate, it’ll be hilarious”.

Captain America
Has amazing reflexes.

Captain Australia
Can trip and fall, twisting his ankle so severely that he will require emergency medical treatment, all without spilling a drop of beer.

Captain America
Rides a weaponised motorcycle.


Captain Australia drives a second hand commodore that he and his mate fitted out to make “fully sick”.

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