I love fried food

I love fried food. There I said it. In a world of quinoa , kale and paleo I understand that this is a big statement to make. As I write this I am eating my way through a serve of shoestring fries and fried chicken “bites.” To be honest I am not sure if my meal contains either potato or chicken. But who cares, it tastes good.

And I do not want light, organic, Heart Foundation approved vestal virgin olive oil either. I want the hard stuff. A blend, the ingredients of which are as mysterious as the food to be fried.

I want my fried chicken as full of hormones and antibiotics on the inside as it is covered with spiced breadcrumbs on the outside.

Dumplings are better fried than steamed. Oh sure you have steamed to impress your friends and attempt to be a little healthier, but lets be honest the niggle of regret the moment you utter the words to your waiter and only grows in intensity as the plate of dumplings hits the table and you start to eat them. Although they are tasty in your heart of hearts you just know they could have been better.

Everything when fried is better; banana, eggplant, mars bars. Children would happily eat their vegetables if the garden salad was fried.

Brussel sprouts might even be edible if only they were fried. Deep fried.

Whilst Pizza Hut seems hell bent on shoving anything it can into the crust of a pizza – currently in Australia we are enduing meat pies built into the base of pir meatlovers. Previously there has been cheese and hotdogs amongst other items that have no right to be connected to a pizza base. All the while the simple answer to take the humble pizza to the next level* is to fry it.

*According to every reality television show ever made “taking it to the next level” is not only a thing, it is the most important thing ever!

No more gourmet, wood fired, whole meal, artisan pizzas. Just take a simple Hawaiian pizza and slide it into the fryer for a few minutes. You can’t tell me the traditional margarita could not do with a frying makeover.

Even cheese – the awesome animal fat product that it is improves when introduced to some boiling oil. Thank you saganaki, thank you.

There are not many things to thank the French for, besides French toast. Bread, egg and glorious hot oil. This simple recipe will bring to life any breakfast meal. Whether it be traditional poached eggs, the Canadian twist of bacon, banana and maple syrup or the hipster trendy smashed avocado, every breakfast dish should contain fried bread.

Smith/Lays (depending on your country of origin, should release a chip/crisp flavour that is simply “fried”. On the pack is should boldly state, fried not oven baked.