Man Flu

image source dailymail.co.uk

It is a common cliché that men over emphasise their illnesses as much as women downplay the reality that they fart. With my tongue wedged firmly in my misogynistic cheek it is because men work all day every day to support their family that illness is the only time they get any attention.

Maybe it is just a chance for men to play out the cliché nurse fantasies.

Perhaps it is a chance guys to pamper oneself, or even better be pampered by someone else. Whilst discussing clichés, women like to pamper themselves with, beauty treatment, shopping and endless glasses of champagne. Men, pamper themselves by eating crappy food, lazing on the couch in front of the television, and wearing just their underwear.

Being ill simply gives men permission to live the dream for a day or two without being nagged to do all the household chores.

This is why on the rarest of occasions when men do get sick – albeit the sniffles, they make the most of it. Finally a day’s rest from the never ending responsibilities; mowing the lawn, cleaning gutters, taking the bins out,  household maintenance repairs, car servicing,  playing sport with the children, disciplining the children, attempting the females in the house to use the electronic equipment – again.

Sure it may appear that a man’s medical deterioration coincides with particular sporting fixtures and that that the pantry is miraculously stocked with his favourite food and beverages. At first glance it might make no sense that a man with a case of self-diagnoses tonsillitis would eat their body weight in crisps. The chaser of chocolate pudding and ice-cream is for the throat.

The copious amounts of beer, wine or spirits is because alcohol is a known antiseptic The self prescribed treatment is perfect to kill all of the germs that are making the man sick in the first place. It will help get him on his feet quicker.

Yes any break, whether it be skin or bone, will render the afflicted area totally useless. First Aid training teaches four basic steps.

1.     Rest

2.     Ice

3.     Compression

4.     Elevation

By not using the arm because of a paper cut on the finger, a man is simply following the first of these four steps. The laying on the couch fulfils the fourth the drinks takes care of the ice, and the amount of food shovelled into our bodies it an experiment of compression.

Where social clichés say men are slow to take care of themselves medically, the reality is that men are following fundamental medical care procedures. And doing it without clogging up the waiting rooms in doctors clinics and hospitals. And there is no talk of Medicare co-payment for laying on the couch.