Thursday, January 8, 2015

What Pizza Are You?

Remember when the clichéd awful question to ask a potential date was “if you were a pizza topping what would you be?” was simple to answer?

There were 6 answers, each with their assigned personality traits
·      Margherita – traditional, simple, pure, original
·      Hawaiian – basic boring
·      Supreme – complex, a bit of spice, open to everything
·      Vegetarian – hippy, high maintenance, feminine (this was before vegetarianism was a mainstream dietary option)
·      Meat lover – masculine, rugged
·      Seafood – exotic

Now with gourmet, handmade, wood-fired pizzas the options are too numerous to even start listing. More evidence that hipsters are destroying the world as we know it.

The endless array of options also makes it impossible to assign personality traits. Though if your pizza topping includes quinoa, kale or is made up entirely of so called “superfoods” then it might still speak volumes about your personality.

No longer are the meats limited to ham, beef salami and chicken. Pizzas now come with, bacon, pastrami, quail, duck, goat, and game. Where previously only a select few vegetables were considered suitable to top a pizza now if you can grow it then you can use it.

I never understood what it meant, but apparently the style of base you preferred spoke volumes about your character. Again the options were simple, thin or think. That was all.

Thin and thick remain, but now there are so many more options to consider, wholemeal, rye, sourdough, flat bread and gluten free to name a few. In a world where carbs are viewed with the same level of suspicion and borderline hatred as a burqa I am sure people are also ordering pizza sans base.

Chain stores are now upping the ante on pizza bases by stuffing them with cheese, or cream cheese, or hot dogs, or meat balls , or corn chips or cheese and corn chips. This may be very telling about your personality or your waistline or your likelihood to have a major coronary before the age of 50.

Is it no wonder finding a life partner is so hard nowadays?

It also explains why online dating and dating apps are also all the rage. Like a pizza menu, these apps and sites offer picture of what the selected person can look like (when at its absolute styled best) as well as a list of their “ingredients”.

If you want to date the equivalent of anchovies, lentils, bean shoots and chilli on rhubarb chutney base all sprinkled with Himalayan rock salt and lime juice after being removed from the oven then that person exists, somewhere. Download there profile or swipe right today.

No comments:

Post a Comment