Dead Man Walking

Source: www.tardis.wikia.com

Donald Miller from Ohio USA is dead, in itself this is not news, except for the fact that he is alive. So alive, in fact he appeared in court to appeal the 1994 decision that declared he was dead after disappearing from his home eight years earlier.

His presence in the court room was not enough to overturn the ruling.

Hancock County Probate Court Judge, Allan Davis ruled that to the state of Ohio he was a dead-man, whilst remaining uncertain if he was ruling literally or figuratively. Apparently the statute of limitations means that a ruling of death can only be overturned within three years of the ruling.

Apparently if buried alive this means there is three years to break free of your coffin and claw your way through six feet of dirt to reach the surface, like some morbid Japanese game show.

The Judge said “We've got the obvious here. A man sitting in the courtroom, he appears to be in good health, I don't know where that leaves you, but you're still deceased as far as the law is concerned.”[1]

It is worth noting that his ex-wife was also of the belief that, despite the aberration of his actual breathing, walking, talking being, he was still dead. Mainly because she could not afford to repay the benefits she received upon his ‘death’

It means he can not get a drivers license, social security, passport, mortgage. On the upside he is no longer exists so can do what he likes.

It could be the fulfillment of the childhood dream to be invisible. Eat groceries without paying for them, stand in the women’s change rooms, steal a sports car, enter into VIP area at major sporting events, concerts and society occasions.

If you are dead then one can not be punished. No responsibilty, no repercussions.

Go straight to the front of the line, drive on the wrong side of the road in peek hour traffic, double-dip the chip.

Sure, housing and transport initially create a problem, but the solution is simple, just walk into any house you like. Just walk in. If you are dead then you are not really there. At best the house is now haunted. If it helps carry a heavy chain, cover you’re head in a bed sheet and say ‘oooOOOOoooo” a bit. That’s what ghosts do, right? Well the do on Scooby Doo.  Transport is the same, jump into any vehicle, a passing car, bus, taxi whatever.

There is no cost, no fees, no insurance.

Unfortunately for Mr Miller missed to fulfill everyone’s adulthood dream of attending his own funeral. He did not even know he was dead until 2005.

His disappearance that precipitated this whole affair was his own doing. He fled to Florida and Georgia after losing his job and racking up a $26,000 debt in unpaid child support. His death was declared years after his disappearance These two facts may have made is funeral less than memorable. The reason everyone wants to attend their own funeral is to firstly see who attends, secondly listen to the great endearing stories about their life and thirdly to check out the quality and quantity of the carering at the wake. Attending his own funeral may have proven to be more than a disappointment. One might say it could have been a fate worse than death.

According to all of the movies, now that Mr Miller is legally a person who is legally dead, he will need to have blank eyes, loose all of his vocabulary replacing words with groans and walk with a lopsided shuffle/limp. Having his arms vertically in front of him although once considered mandatory now is thought of as optional.

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[1] www.dailymail.co.uk 11 October 2013