Everyone now goes to the gym. Everyone.
Including many people that in years past would have never even heard of a gym
let alone go into one. This means many people do not understand some of the
most fundamental rules. It is time that basic gym etiquette be detailed.
Many gyms will have rules posted on and
around machines regarding wiping down sweat, amount of time on any one machine,
drink bottles etc. My concern is what happens before and after the exercise in
the change rooms.
From here I am going to concentrate on the
men’s change rooms as my experience inside women’s facilities despite best
intentions and desires ended at the age of 6 when I was taken to the ladies
toilets at a drive-in in metropolitan Adelaide by my mother.
Some basics.
Mobile phones, leave them in your
pocket/locker. Phones now have as much if not more capacity than many
computers, with built in still and video cameras. Besides the loud talking is
just obnoxious. If you absolutely have to, must, take the call then put some
pants on and leave the change rooms to take it.
Lockers, if they were real estate, the
boundary of your lot would include the interior of the locker itself and the
length of bench directly in front of the same locker to a length equal to the
width of said locker. Everyone understands that clothing and equipment may
occasionally spread beyond the agreed boundary, but if it is in someone else’s
way move it and apologise…no issue. Don’t move it or make a fuss when you
do…issue. Leave things in your locker. I might also suggest you are bringing
too much baggage to the gym experience. Alternatively you are still needing to
lay all of your clothes out prior to dressing, just like mother did for your
when you were young. If this is the case ask mother to install a home gym in
your room.
Nudity, yes there will be some, everyone
expects to witness some incidental nudity in the shower, at the lockers whilst
people dry and change. The key to nudity being considered incidental it should
be discreet and minimal in duration. All nuded up is not the time to check your
messages on your phone (see above) blow dry your hair, clip your toe nails,
start an in depth conversation about the state of Australian cricket.
Talking of blow drying hair, the hair
driers were installed for the purpose of drying the hair on your head! Head,
not arms, legs, armpits or backs and definitely not genitals or buttocks. That
is why you bought a towel.
I know it can be confusing for some it is
for drying hair and has the word “blow” in its name. That sort of blowing
should also never happen in a gym change room. Blow-drying your genitals is
unseemly and the contortions you need to perform to achieve the desired results
are unsightly for everyone else.
It is time to address the elephant trunk in
the change room. Erections happen! There I said it. As we all discovered at
high school erections can occur at the most inappropriate time with the least
provocation. Again the word discretion comes to mind. Turn away or cover it
with your hand, clothing or towel. It is
DEFINITELY not the time to start parading around nude.
There is also no need to encourage them.
Everyone understands that the under carriage needs cleaning and exercise can
generate excessive sweating in the area. It is also understood that with all of
the adrenalin flowing from the exercise and the soap in your hand that it might
feel more enjoyable than normal. If you are cleaning that one area exclusively
for extended periods of time...for example if when I get into the showers to
rinse off the day prior to swimming laps you are there cleaning your bits and
you are still there cleaning those same bits when I finish my laps 45 minutes
later…then can I also suggest installing a home gym.
I also want to say no to eating in the
change rooms. I get it after a lot of exercise people need to replenish. But
there are many reasons that in modern homes the kitchen/dining room is separate
from the bathroom/toilet.
The same goes for people who feel the need
to exercise in the change room. It is a gym, the rest of the facilities are
design for the single purpose of accommodating exercise. All of the equipment,
mats, mirrors, weights pools they are for exercising.
If you are exercising naked whilst texting
a friend then I am afraid that’s three strikes, you’re out.
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