Handyman’s dream: this woman is very touchy feely literally she is after a handy - man, she will expect massages, foot rubs, handholding, and cuddles. Lots of them. All the time. oF course the upside is that she is likely to reciprocate the handy-ness. There can be other upsides when two consenting adults want to love each other in a special way
Fixer-upper if you are not a plastic surgeon or have the financial means to acquire the services of same on a regular basis then this might not be the person for you.
Fully renovated the plastic surgery is complete...for now, but more may be required in the future. No guarantees as to how many original body parts will still be intact.
Ideal for first time owner still a virgin and getting desperate? This one is for you. This is a partner that will fulfil your needs in the short term, but in the long term you will want to move on and look back on with a mix of fondness and regret in equal measure. They are going to have lots of flaws but will do for the time being. As for “owner”, read “mail order” no relationship is going to last when it starts with the premise of ownership.
Spacious fat
Great views either fat or stunner (this can be a trap for new players) or opinionated having something to say about everything regardless of how ill informed the opinion may be
Fully landscaped this is a person who spends a lot of time and money with grooming, hair make up, body hair – the word fully implies there is not a single strand of hair anywhere on the body, do you want to date an adult or a pubescent youth?
Heritage listed old and not willing to change
Suburban Delight “soccer mum” will stick to traditional values and gender roles. May also like killing polar bears and want to run for Vice President of the United States
Close to transport read this as a warning, this is someone who is suggesting that you need to plan your getaway options
Close to shopping centre do not come into this relationship without a great credit rating and a platinum card. This person loves to shop
Close to schools do you want to be a parent...now this person either already has or intends to have children within 9 months of meeting you
Close to parks and recreation definitely the sporting types, expect any date to include running, riding, trekking or team sports. They are also competitive, and will not like to lose. They will want to come first all of the time.
Sunken Lounge not necessarily ageing but the elasticity in the skin is going and gravity is taking its toll and body parts that used to be perky, tight and upright and now sagging, loose and pointing to the ground
Exposed beams bald
Attic do not expect riveting conversation as things are vacant upstairs
Move in today very easy and eager for sexual activity, if I may paraphrase Blackadder you will need to bury this person in a Y shaped coffin
Seeking long settlement either this person is going to take a long time to warm to you and show any sense of caring and genuine affection or they are expecting to fall in love and get married only a short time after meeting. WARNING if you later want to end this marriage, expect another long settlement period
Open plan although this person may love you dearly and be committed to a long and happy life together they will not be sexually faithful. They are expecting part of the happiness to be shared with other bedroom partners – with or without you.
Sea change this person may not be all that you expect are they really the gender they say they are and have they always been this gender. This may be important for some people.
A great little hideaway first of all do not expect to be seen in public with this person, they never leave the house this might be due to mental or physical abnormality. The word “little” may imply that the reason for hiding away may be as a result of this person not being of legal age.
Fixer-upper if you are not a plastic surgeon or have the financial means to acquire the services of same on a regular basis then this might not be the person for you.
Fully renovated the plastic surgery is complete...for now, but more may be required in the future. No guarantees as to how many original body parts will still be intact.
Ideal for first time owner still a virgin and getting desperate? This one is for you. This is a partner that will fulfil your needs in the short term, but in the long term you will want to move on and look back on with a mix of fondness and regret in equal measure. They are going to have lots of flaws but will do for the time being. As for “owner”, read “mail order” no relationship is going to last when it starts with the premise of ownership.
Spacious fat
Great views either fat or stunner (this can be a trap for new players) or opinionated having something to say about everything regardless of how ill informed the opinion may be
Fully landscaped this is a person who spends a lot of time and money with grooming, hair make up, body hair – the word fully implies there is not a single strand of hair anywhere on the body, do you want to date an adult or a pubescent youth?
Heritage listed old and not willing to change
Suburban Delight “soccer mum” will stick to traditional values and gender roles. May also like killing polar bears and want to run for Vice President of the United States
Close to transport read this as a warning, this is someone who is suggesting that you need to plan your getaway options
Close to shopping centre do not come into this relationship without a great credit rating and a platinum card. This person loves to shop
Close to schools do you want to be a parent...now this person either already has or intends to have children within 9 months of meeting you
Close to parks and recreation definitely the sporting types, expect any date to include running, riding, trekking or team sports. They are also competitive, and will not like to lose. They will want to come first all of the time.
Sunken Lounge not necessarily ageing but the elasticity in the skin is going and gravity is taking its toll and body parts that used to be perky, tight and upright and now sagging, loose and pointing to the ground
Exposed beams bald
Attic do not expect riveting conversation as things are vacant upstairs
Move in today very easy and eager for sexual activity, if I may paraphrase Blackadder you will need to bury this person in a Y shaped coffin
Seeking long settlement either this person is going to take a long time to warm to you and show any sense of caring and genuine affection or they are expecting to fall in love and get married only a short time after meeting. WARNING if you later want to end this marriage, expect another long settlement period
Open plan although this person may love you dearly and be committed to a long and happy life together they will not be sexually faithful. They are expecting part of the happiness to be shared with other bedroom partners – with or without you.
Sea change this person may not be all that you expect are they really the gender they say they are and have they always been this gender. This may be important for some people.
A great little hideaway first of all do not expect to be seen in public with this person, they never leave the house this might be due to mental or physical abnormality. The word “little” may imply that the reason for hiding away may be as a result of this person not being of legal age.
Nice - typical darren thinking :)
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