Etiquette Lesson

It is time to talk etiquette. I am not referring to the rules to fine dining or responding to an invitation to a friends wedding, I am talking about the important things in life. Walking with umbrellas, for example.

Firstly short people should not be allowed to carry them. Ever. The ends of the umbrella’s ribs poking everyone else in the eyes or jugular. Like entering a lane of traffic from a side road, people stepping out onto the footpath* should have to give way to all traffic already on said footpath. Whilst this is good etiquette at anytime it is even more important when opening an umbrella in front of you. Unless of course you are commencing a ninja style attack – the cane jabs into the persons stomach, ribs or side and just as the bend down as a result of the sharp pain to inflict further injury by opening the canopy smacking them in their wet, cold and unsuspecting faces.

Talking about walking. There is usually room for two lines of people in any one direction. That means there is room for one line for people who want to treat the escalator as a ride, standing still and enjoying the view. The rest of us who have a life full of more important things than riding up and down moving staircases should therefore be free to walk on the other line. In Australia the tourist side is on the left and the walkers on the right.

Pushers and nanna-trolleys. In general I bare no grudge against these conveyances nor the people who push them. Except in the flow of foot traffic when they in explicably stop or worse – change directions. What is the etiquette? Simple. Keep moving…forward.

Perhaps the answer is for footpaths shopping centres and markets to have lanes for tourists, browsers, families and nitpickers and another for people who know how to shop.

Public transport. I have written previously about the etiquette of boarding pubic transport and stopping just one step inside the door. Now I want to discuss the exiting of said transport. If you are at the stop waiting to board then you must wait for all peoples disembarking the vehicle. When waiting stand a few steps back from the door to allow room for the disembarking to occur. In Victoria the disembarking stage may take slightly longer due to the “touch off” requirement of Myki. There is one caveat.

If the vehicle is at the end of its route and passengers choose to take a few minutes to; finish a level of Angry Birds, get the end of a chapter, let a phone call that consists of nothing more than yelling at the other person “no I cant hear you properly, I am on a tram”, gathering your belongings or rounding up stray family members then all bets are off. The statute of limitations for boarding passengers is the length of time it takes the first wave of people – those who are organised – leaving the vehicle to, well, leave. After that then it is good luck to you. You have no right of passage implied or otherwise. Now you will have to wait your turn. If you are on a tram with a pram that is just as big as the carriage on which you re travelling, take two people to carry and an engineering degree to unfold – expect no mercy. Instead of public transport, it would only be correct etiquette to stick to your four-wheel drive family mover – so essential in the fully bituminised, flat roads of most modern cities.

ATMS, there is an implied one transaction limit, any more than that go to a branch or introduce yourself to internet banking Checking your balance can only occur as a separate transaction IF AND ONLY IF there is not a single person waiting to use the ATM after you. If there is a queue of even one person then confirming your balance either on screen or by receipt can only occur as the final step of a deposit or withdrawal. The second or any subsequent transactions will require the customer to join the end of the queue and wait their turn again.

*Footpath is English for sidewalk for the American readers who refuse to comprehend that other countries may use other words for common items. Add to your research list “tomato sauce”, “tap” and “torch”