A Proud Australian

A Proud Australian

Commentators tell us that we should be proud of the Socceroos performance at this years’ FIFA World Cup in South Africa. I am a little confused about exactly what I am meant to be proud.

Am I meant to be proud that Australia successfully argued to change its zoning so that qualification into the finals has been made easier because we now only have to be one of the strongest teams in the weakest region?

Should I be proud that in their first game of the tournament the Socceroos let the Germans walk all over them on a scale unseen since Austria let the Germans dominate them without even the hint of a fight in the 1930s?

Can we be proud that arguably the world’s best goalkeeper, and current Australian ‘keeper let through 6 goals in the tournament?

Is Australia proud that its best and most famed player only played 20 minutes of the entire tournament?

Will the history books show the nations pride that the team’s two best strikers only scored one goal between them?

Was I expected to experience a sense of pride in our strikers scoring individual red cards in successive games resulting in subsequent one-match bans for each of them?

Have our standards dropped that Australia is proud of its team winning only one match throughout its short-lived role in this year’s World Cup.

Are we proud that the Socceroos played at a level equal to the insipid motivational farewell speech delivered by then Prime Minister, the day prior to their departure from Australia to South Africa - a Prime Minister who in turn proved to be as successful as the team he farewelled, and who like the team will be forced to see out the end of his tournament from the benches?

Am I allowed to be proud that although three weeks later, without an election that the Socceroos will be welcomed home be a different Prime Minister than the one who wished them well.

Do we forget all the lessons that history has taught us and be proud of and Australian performance that is worse than that of the New Zealand national team?

I am a proud Australian. I am proud that I live in a country where our national team can perform so inadequately on the world stage in a sport we by and large care very little about and that we can still be proud of the performance.

Germ Warfare

I can remember when the best cleaning products available for domestic use was described as being “hospital grade”. For all those times major surgery was being performed on kitchen counters across the country.

Now they kill 99.9% of germs. I wonder if the products have changed or just their description. Like marshmallows and jellybeans are now advertised as 99.9% fat free. Of course it is hard to contain fat in a product that is made up of only two ingredients; sugar and colouring. The recipe for jellybeans and marshmallows has not changed just their labelling.

Are the hospital grade cleaning products the same and just the labelling changed. Or are the products we use in our homes to clean up minor spills when plating up our Masterchef inspired gourmet char-grilled corn fed beef fillets with steamed julienne root vegetables and a side of garlic mash (what once used to be meat and three veg and we never “plated up” it was just simply served), are these cleaning products now even stronger than those used in hospitals?

Next time someone is planning a stay in their local hospital as well as their pyjamas and a book to read should they also be packing a bottle of Spray ‘n’ Wipe?

What is the 0.1% of germs that no one can kill? Is it just one super germ that will one day try to take over our planets like the next big Marvel Comics villain? Hollywood producers will try to convince the US military to load up the armoury on their fighter just with Domestos and Pine-0-Clean.

The whole world will be left wishing that Hussein’s stock pile of weapons of mass destruction included chemical weapons.

Of course it could be the exact opposite, he remaining 0.1% of germs left un-dead by the cleaning products are friends of the humans. If so I would like to keep one as a pet. I would get a female one and call it Germane. We would go everywhere together.

Do you think the 0.1% of germs left are lonely now that all of the other germs are being killed? This could be the beginning of the biggest ecological disaster to strike this planet. With no natural germ predators the remaining germs could run rampant across the planet. Of course with no other germs to breed with their global dominance would be short lived.

Do not worry about trying to plug the ruptured oil pipeline off the coast of in stead we should all be fighting to cap the unnecessary spillage of germ lives. Instead of storming flotillas attempting to break through the maritime blockade of Gaza our politicians should be declaring their outrage at the attack on germs floating in the spills on our sinks, benches and floors.

The demise in germs runs parallel with the increased incidence of ADHD, asthma and allergies. Coincidence? The chemicals are harming humans as much it is germs. Affecting our respiratory and digestive systems, leaving defenceless children have unnatural reactions to quite natural phenomena. The body, if allowed to do its thing, is designed to cope with impurities if given a chance to build up its resistance. It is like alcohol. An underage party goer consuming the amber liquid for the first time, after just a couple of drinks s/he will be feeling quite ill, whilst a seasoned alcoholic can drink for hours before it shows any visible negative affects. Same with germs.

As for ADHD if the parents spent less time cleaning and more time parenting engaging with their offspring, saying no occasionally then perhaps this epidemic of “uncontrollable children” might be taught some control. This generation who can not concentrate or respond to discipline can of course sit for hours obeying the rules of their favourite computer game. With no fear of germs either. Have you seen these games, they are dirty!