Monday, October 5, 2009

When enough is too much

The football finals are over. There I have said it. The players who actually played and won their respective grand finals have taken off their team colours (including Melbourne Storm who have barely walked off the field. So spectators please put your scarves, beanies and gurnseys off, put them back in the cupboard and get on with life.

The only people still wearing their teams colours should be upset because the have just returned to school for another ten weeks before the summer holidays or would be the unfortunate targets of Sam Newman’s attempt at entertainment un the Footy Show segment “Street Talk”.

All indication of sporting allegiance should be shelved a week after your team of choice finishes its season. Cricket supporters have got this one right. Sure they might drink their body weight in light beer the game, fashion a hat out of a watermelon or decide that a kiddies’ wading pool is the most comfortable seat for 8 hours in the sun watching a game that will continue for up to 4 more days BUT they only wear the team uniform on the day of their attendance.

Nationally we run the risk of all failing to recognise when enough is too much as we head full throttle into the Christmas season. A few lights twinkling in the window is quite attractive and festive. Being able to see the glow from the moon might be a little over the top. So many families become the Griswalds on Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. In tough economic and environmental times lights do not appear to be a rational decision.

Reducing our carbon footprint, emission trading schemes and stimulus packages I think the government could become world leaders by taking to Copenhagen a plan to limit the amount of fairy lights per residence.

This is but the first problem when it comes to Christmas decorations. There is the challenge of when to put them up. Just because the shops are selling them it does not mean it is time to put them up. As a rule if Father Christmas has not arrived in town, whether it be at the end of a pageant, in a helicopter or on the back of a ute then it is not time to dust off the tree. No matter how often the kids nag for it.

Keep in mind there are only 12 days of Christmas and whatever goes must come down. According to the Christian calendar then the Christmas season actually starts on Christmas Day. So 12.01am having finished wrapping the presents, mother and father “Christmas” should set up the tree in order to put down the gifts. Leading inot the Christmas season is Advent which is the four Sundays preceding Christmas. So unless the advent calendar glows in the dark there should be no decorative lights.

I do not want to see reindeer, tinsel, wreaths or fake snow in February AND if the decorations are back in storage then it is no longer appropriate to be wishing anyone happy New Year. Just because it is the first time you have seen that person in a particular calendar year does not mean it is appropriate. With that logic I could be partying at the end of September with my mates after my football team won the premiership or out for Christmas drinks with work colleague, meet a young woman for the very first time and drop it as a pick up line.

“Happy New Year” , pull out a sprig of mistletoe and go in for the first kiss.

Adding to my list of things that fall into the category of Enough is too much.; John Farnham, Jimmy Barnes and James Morrison. Yes you are all extremely talented performers but surely Australia has produced other real talent in the past 20-30 years.

Daryl Somers. ENOUGH!

I love garlic but have discovered recently that there is such a thing as too much. By way of explanation I offer you garlic flavoured Weet-Bix for breakfast. Three days in a row.

Finally, it is almost enough of my Melbourne Fringe show “Welcome to the Freak Show”. It is coming to the end of its run withonly 6 show left don’t be the person who misses out. Showing at Velvet Cabaret in North Melbourne shows starts at 7.30pm, 7pm Saturday. Get tickets and further details at Though you will never get enough of my musical comedy.

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