Wednesday, October 29, 2014

What's a little wang between friends?

Neil Patrick Harris in a recent interview on Conan about his role in Gone Girl, described how he was conscious about camera angles to ensure his wang did not end up on screen.

His wang.

This openly gay Hollywood and Broadway leading man described his genitals as a wang. Not just once but three times Is this the best he could come up with is wang?

Wang is of course the grown up version in willy.

It is acknowledged he could not use more common colloquialism such as cock, dick or prick on American television. Surely a man who not only has his own winkle* but regular access to that of another man, in an intimate way, has a better name for it.

* Winkle is a derivation from winky, as in wee will winky. Boys use their winkle to do a tinkle.

When the lights are low and music soft, and the kids are asleep in bed, does Neil turn to David and say “I enjoy what you do with your wang”?

Neil, who has three first names, could have used the double first name “John Thomas” to name his pee pee**. In more formal occasions “Mr Johnson” may be more appropriate.

**Pee Pee is a name used by parents when toilet training young boys e.g. “Use your pee pee to go wee wee.”

The term “junk” is widely used  but does not give the wiener*** the respect it deserves. Junk is neglected, in need of repair and just waiting to be thrown out. No man treats his thingy**** like junk.

***Wiener is a frankfurter sausage that is sort of the shape and – depending of its quality and the man’s ethnicity and health – colour.

Other awkwardly childish names Neil may wish to consider for future interviews as he continues the Gone Girl media junket are “doodle” or “sausage”. In the context of discussing the violently graphic sex scene with co-star Rosamund Pike, he could simply describe it as his “outie”, compared to her “innie”.

More adult, although equally immature, pseudonyms include meat and two veg. During the interview Neil did not appear concerned about his man-berries being caught on film, just the meat. I do not want to start any rumours but he might still be in the closet…about being a vegetarian! Alternatively his concerns could have been related to his “package”, particularly as it was unwrapped during shooting. Simply he could have discussed his under carriage.

God forbid Neil use the correct medical word, penis, or is this too technical for Conan’s audience?

Some other words for penis (for Neil’s future reference)
Flesh flute
Love muscle
Trouser snake
Beef bayonet
Old fella

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