Review: Cirque Du So-kay

adelaidenow.com.au

Ovo may suffer due to Cirque Du Soliel reputation. Simply Ovo does not reach the  same pinnacle of excellence from the Canadian circus’ previous touring shows. The costumes and staging were, as always, brilliant and dynamic, and there were disappointingly small group stand out performances, the slinky, Chinese acrobatic girls and the trampoline troupe.

The other acts offered nothing unique from any other international circus, hence the overall sense of disappointment. Cirque Su Soleil quiet rightly are known to be the best of the best. The trapeze troupe, the acrobatic couple on the rope and contortionist were very good – and that is the problem.

Lower down the pecking order was the performer on the silks apparatus, who was not even close to the best I have seen.

For me it was the absence of the flair for the dramatic and the complete sense of theatre that is usually associated Cirque Du Soleil. The synergy between light, sound and performance to weave together a performance story was just missing. The narrative of a bug trying to find and then fertilise an egg was more shoe-horned between the acts rather than the integral thread linking them.

On that, can I talk about the clowns? Yes? Thanks.

In previous shows the clowns have interacted with the audience, created distractions during stage and set changes, told the story with sublime timing all whilst surprising the audience with their own acrobatic skills. In Ovo two of the three clowns were, in part, entertaining, and their audience participation in the second half had the Grand Chapiteau shaking with laughter. They never did do any tricks or stunts and generally just created noise. Some might say that this is appropriate being that they are playing the character of bugs/insects.

The third one (pictured - and featured on many of the promotional material) did nothing. As a plus size performer her only role seemed to be the but of fat jokes.  That was it.

The second half of the show was much better than the first and continued to improve throughout. The final performance, trampolining with rock wall acrobatics and contortions was perfect. The choreography, lighting, music, and gymnastics combined to create a mind blowing ensemble piece. The quality of this performance was expected throughout.

Special mention to the Diablo performer who demonstrated amazing skill with his chosen apparatus. He then combined this with a mix of dance and surprisingly flexible gymnastics.

At half time the merchandise stands were popular and contained a great variety of quality, though over priced, clothing and decorator pieces. The beanies stand out. Out side of a Cirque Du Soleil performance I am not sure where someone would wear such elaborate headwear without looking like a bit of a dick.

The drinks stand need to turn down the temperature of their fridges. The drinks were as lukewarm as many of the performers.

Religious Freedom

So the Government is legislating to redefine human rights in Australia based on religious beliefs and doctrine. Divorcees, people in same sex relationships, people in defacto relationships and single/unmarried parents could become obvious victims of this legislation.

Is the beginning of a very slippery slope?

Many religions have unique dress codes which seem to be more human than divine in their origin. Should someone be refused a job because they do not want to wear a silly hat?

Religious leaders themselves could also get caught up in this. Many teachings identify a Sabbath day and keep it holy and sacred. One rule in support of this is to not work on the Sabbath. It can be argued by many that the Sabbath is the only day of the week ministers of religion work. If they can deny someone a job because they might become pregnant then at the end of the next sermon all ministers of religion should be fired.

Relationship status seems to be a significant issue in these laws. Who knew that Facebook updates could be so important? In the Catholic church I expect people who are not continuously pregnant (or impregnating their wife – for the men) that they should also be at risk of discrimination. A couple’s barrenness or small family size being cited as irrefutable evidence of their use of contraception.

Due directionally challenged people whose religion observes prayer facing a particular way run the risk of discrimination? Just because one can’t read a compass or face due west does that mean they are not a good accountant?

Christian churches celebrate the Eucharist/Holy Communion consisting of wine and unleavened bread. Watch out if you are fructose or gluten intolerant, because your church might now be intolerant of you.

Religions also have obscure rules in their past. Weren’t redheads once considered the devil’s children? This could be the real reason Nicole Kidman left Tom Cruise, as a redhead she was not acceptable to the Church of Scientology. What about people that have strawberry-blonde hair? Where does it stop?

This leaves the door open for religions to just make up rules to suit their purposes (something history shows us religion is very apt at doing). People under a certain height, overweight, bad teeth/hair/fashion, people with a supernumerary nipple, twins, IVF births, poor people, left handers, role game players and historical battle re-enactors, poor table manners. Will there be a split between cat and dog lovers?

It could be fun being on the interview panel when it comes to giving feedback.

“Thankyou  Ms Fletcher, your references are impeccable, work typing speed and telephone manner are the best we have ever seen. Unfortunately your medical shows that you were born with two webbed toes so there is no way we can hire you as a receptionist.

And you call yourself Ms, not Miss or Mrs, that means you must be a lesbian. That must mean you play women’s cricket. Do the webbed toes make running for a quick single harder or easier?"

The Worst

Arriving on the island after a transfer that included a 90 minute drive and a 45 minute speedboat ride I was ready to have a long soak in a hot bath. Little did we know that my transfer was not complete. Rayaburi, a resort on Racha Island Phuket, does not have its own mooring so it was around the head to the next and – at first glance – much better resort. We were thrown into the back of a truck along with our luggage and driven along the track back to our resort.

We checked in and were shown to our room. A “lagoon view” room. The room was indeed facing, albeit with no view of, the lagoon. There was 100m of semi manicured garden between our and the restaurant, reception, laundry and activities centre which lined the beach and blocked any view of the lagoon. To be fair we did have a view from the sunroom/bathroom at the rear of our room a body of water – a sewage swamp.

I drew my hot for the next hour I relaxed, read my book and drank some wine. If only I knew this would be the last time I relaxed for the next 48 hours!

At the end of the bath I pulled the plug and the water started to drain, which not only emptied the bath but invited the sewage swamp to enter the room through the drain on the floor.

My partner chose instead to have a shower. At least the bath drained. The shower did not. When the rising tide reached mid-shin it was time to end the shower.

Using the toilet was a matter of feeling and listening for accuracy as the light did not work

These three faults were reported to reception as we went to dinner

We left the room to have dinner, arriving at the restaurant we were seated in the least aesthetic table because although it was a closed resort with only one restaurant tables had to be booked. A fact that we were clearly meant to divine for ourselves as it was not including on either resort information page or in any verbal information received during check in.

Short of burning them, I did not realize it was possible to completely stuff up a pancake. Sure some pancakes are better than others, but they are still ok. Not here. About 2cm thick and solid. Less light and fluffy, more heavy and crunchy. That was breakfast.

When it comes to drinks I am used to the regular offering of drinks by waiters wandering around between all of the guests. Not here. Go to the bar and order them yourself in a manner that actually seems more inconvenient to the staff than the guests.

I ordered a mojito and received a margarita – I should have been happy I at least got a cocktail starting with “m”. When I ordered another one later I was told they could not do it because they were “all out of jito”. What the hell in “jito”. After some discussion I guessed they meant soda water.

At the end of a day waiting on ourselves at the beach we returned to our room to shower and freshen up for dinner. As to the faults reported the previous evening?

The bathroom was cleaned. We did not tempt fate by running another bath. The shower drain had not been touched. At the house cleaning staff had agreed with us that the toilet light did not work and that maintenance should fix it.

Over a five hour period 3 other staff from Housekeeping also agreed that the light was broken and that maintenance should fix it. Apparently no one thought it important to actually pass this request on to Maintenance. Eventually someone request Maintenance should attend our room but obviously did not supply any explanation as to why. Maintenance staff arrived without a replacement globe and would take another 10minutes to return to their supplies and retrieve one.

A member of housecleaning eventually shoved her hand down the shower drain to juggle loose whatever was obstructing that pipe.

Dinner, at a pre-booked, beach-side table had its ups and downs. The food we received was tasty. But we only received half of what we ordered. We ordered entrée and mains. When the mains arrived without any sign of the first course, we cancelled out entrees. When the bill arrived one entrée was crossed off. The other was still included. After much discussion with three different staff it was removed from the bill. Not before we were told that we must have had it because there was a tick next to it on the waiters order sheet. We agreed that it may well have been prepared in the kitchen but it never appeared at out table. The following evening we were to discover how such a problem could occur.

The second day was marred by non stop heavy rain. We were confined to our room for the day reading and watching TV. In itself, no problem. We were there when Housekeeping arrived to make up the room…without a single cleaning product. No mop, broom or dustpan, no cloth, no surface spray, not even a spare roll of toilet paper. She simply picked up the bathmat, which was being used as a door mat, the mat that was now covered in footprints and full of sand. She then proceeded to use the used bathmat as a cleaning cloth. She wiped the floor, the basin, shower alcove and bathroom surfaces down with the dirty bathmat. If there was a stubborn mark that needed to be removed she either ignored it or splashed a bit of water on it. At the end of the process she took away the old bath mat and returned with a “clean” one.

In the absence of a single cleaning product I was now concerned about how clean the sun/bathroom actually was after Housekeeping dealt with our sewage problem.

The following nights dinner the waiter brought us spring rolls for entrée. We had not ordered any entrée for this meal. It was hard enough explaining to the waiter that we did not order it and perhaps it was meant to go to another table. What made it even more difficult was the waiters insistence that the spring rolls were in fact “pork ribs”.

On one day we did have a bag of clothing needing to be laundered. Following the instructions on the form we had it organized before 10am to allow time for dame day service. Come 8pm (90 minutes after the promised return time) we called Housekeeping to find the whereabouts of our clothes. We were promised they would be brought to us first thing in the morning. Come 10.30am the next day, following further enquiries on our behalf our laundry was returned to us, still damp and with a large tear in one item

On our day of departure we brought our boat transfer forward to 8.30am. The reception staff could not believe that we wanted to leave so early. We did not know where to start to explain the difficulties of our experience.

Please leave comment about your worst accommodation experience.

We Are Not Amused

It has been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Incorrect, there is mime and radio station prank calls. Quite rightly there has been much debate about the moral and legal appropriateness of the call and its disastrous consequences. Much like the now infamous “black-face” routine during the Red Faces segment of the short-lived return of Hey Hey It’s Saturday this outrage hides the fact that not only was the segment offensive to a great many it was entertaining a slim few.

What part of the royal prank call was funny?

It will likely mean that the two presenters radio careers, only into its second day, is over nearly as quickly as Mal Maninga’s political career. Unfortunately for everyone involved it will be much more memorable.

This week also saw the beginning of the end for another Australian stalwart. The Victorian Parliament this week voted to make solariums illegal from 2014. The sector obviously did not attract high enough tax revenue as the politicians made their decision based on scientific evidence and bought to an end an era an increased risk of cancer related death. Due to the income generated through cigarette sales laws concentrate more of stigmastisation and making the practise of smoking less attractive and socially acceptable  - the desire for an outright ban seems much lower.

In outlawing solariums, politicians have also legislated against another great slight on society – the leather look.

No longer will people be wandering the streets with skin resembling tanned hides used for handbags or upholstery. A great bonus. Unfortunately this is likely to see a dramatic increase in the Umpa Lumpa. The unique glow once reserved for the realm of nuclear fall out is now desirable and can be bought it a bottle.

Spray tanning. The world does not need more Snookies. No one wants the orange look of shows like Jersey Shore, The Shire or Geordie Shore to be considered normal, but now in Australia at least could soon be considered normal. I used to live in hope that it was just an unfortunate but passing phase. Like men with blow waves in the 70s, women’s shoulder pads in the 80s, happy pants in the 90s and muffin tops, in the naughties, I wished the days when the world would collectively sit back laughing and ask “why did we think that looked good.

I might just be getting old and boring but I also think that unless you were raised in a tribal village in the jungles of South America or the plains of Africa it should be illegal to put disks of ever-increasing size into ear piercings

Whilst they are considered normal, and attractive (depending on the artist) I believe the tattoo sleeve will be something many wearers rue in years to come. Unlike a bad hairstyle a ridiculous article of clothing tattoos are not easily got rid of. They look great in peoples youth and 20s whilst they are fit and the skin is taught. But muscle tone and the skins elasticity lessen over the years. As the skin stretches and sags, what now looks like a coiled snake could soon look like a dog turd. The naked woman over time will look less like porn star Barbie, becoming more anatomically correct ask the ink breasts sag along with the once powerful biceps of its wearer.

If only 2Day FM had made a call to an Australian sports star to remind them that despite what their coaches tell them they are not a tribal warriors. They are white (mainly) middle class adults that spend their time chasing balls or running around in circles so there is no need for the war paint (orange or black).

Registering My Ups and Downs

With a mere four months until the 2013 Melbourne International Comedy Festival it is time to register. Apart from flyering my show during the festival itself, I find this the hardest part of comedy – organising the gig.

First of all is the decision of whether or not to even do a show, it is a big decision because as much as I love the stage time there are endless hours and amounts of energy that go into the  preparation, writing, editing, rehearsing, self loathing, questioning if people would want to see this show...

I am not famous, I do not have my own television or radio show, I do not have a weekly column in a national periodical and I only have a small group of Melbourne based friends. In my mind this causes an emotionally exhausting dilemma. Why would people pay money to see my show? Would I pay money to see my show? It is the same dilemma when looking for a venue. Am I good enough to use this space, am I good enough that the venue manager wants to offer me the space.

In crude and basic terms the answer to these questions is either “Shit Yes” or “Fuck No”. All questions asked and answered in my own head. The extreme swings can occur quickly and repeatedly. The trick is to get the positive response at a time when you are available to harness the energy to make phone calls, send emails and meet with venues. When the answer is for the negative it can drain all energy very quickly. At its debilitating worst it can result in hours/days of sleep.

With much coaxing from my production manager the decision to definitely pursue a show, subject to the availability of a suitable venue was made. Now the race is on, secure a venue before the registration deadline passes.

With six day before registration closes I had not received even the hint of a venue offer. That is not much time when fighting inner demons and anxieties. The team from the MICF administration team were very helpful in giving me some new leads. With the pressure of time I made a number of phone calls and with in 24hrs had the luxury of 3 venues offering me space for times and dates I wanted. This did a lot to lift my spirits.

I am very excited that I will be performing at Felix Bar, 11 Fitzroy Street St Kilda. If they were writing a blog I am sure that they would declare that they are equally pleased about the booking.

It has been noticed that many comedians throughout history have lived with severe depression, anxiety or other serious mental illnesses. The question is which came first the giggles or the gloom.

Having locked in the venue then comes the challenge of choosing a name for the show, writing a summation and a press release – all of which for a show that is not written.

For me the name of the show is an opportunity to make some good out of my surname. Freak as a name in most circumstances is only a burden. In comedy the name Freak is of value, although most people want to believe it is just a humourous stage name. The teasing I received throughout my 12 years of public schooling  prove that it is no joke. Previous shows have been titled “Welcome to the Freak Show” (my first solo show) and “Freakuent Flyer” (a show loosely connected to my travel experiences).

There is no theme to my current works except that I am expressing my annoyance at annoying trivialities in my every day world. As I plan to vent my gripes I was considering “Venti”, using a variation of the Starbucks logo for my show image but fear retribution from the coffee franchise, or perhaps “Splenectomy” (venting my spleen – the fact I feel need the need to explain this pun is the reason it was rejected – would have been even better if my show was to be held at Spleen). These two option also do not include a pun with my name. The resulting title “DFO: Darren Freaks Out”. (For those residing outside of Melbourne this is a play on a local discount shopping precinct DFO: Direct Factory Outlet)

The blurb and press release was easier in part but I did have to commit to absurdities that annoy me in the hope that I will be able to coble together material about them over the next few weeks. For a higher degree of difficulty I am setting my jokes to music.

Perhaps I should write a song about writing comedy songs and preparing for a major festival. It all sounds very post modern and deconstructive.

For those wanting to lock dates in early they are 27 March – 7 April 2013 (not Mondays) see you there.